the dream of love

yup.... damn... love.

i keep talking about all this love bullshit and stuff but sometimes i want it back.
especially after talking to . sometimes i want the pain again. sometimes i want the longing and the desire and the hopelesness of it all. most of all, i want back the hope, the dream, the lie, or whatever it really is.

but i've been there, i've done this before. it always leads nowhere. because at the end of the day, after all the butterflies fade, you have to wake up to real life. you have to chose between fantasy and living with the same person everyday for the rest of your life. this person's magic that you feel in the begninning won't be so magical forever. ESPECIALLY not when you have to see this person deficate or hear them fart or burp. especially not when you see them get cross at you or see them puke their guts out. especially when you get to know all of their physical and emotional flaws.. things about life tend to damage the dream. i don't care how in love you think you are, it's not enough to sustain years and years of partnership.

but still.. sometimes.. just like a drug.. you wish you could sample it one more time.
you know it's damaging and futile..but it's great for the few minutes it lasts..