must sleep now!

yeesh it's late. just finished doing my studio assignment.
guh. how does the day end?

back in the saddle again

i haven't woken up at 6:30am since the dawn of time. I have an 8amer on Tuesdays and Thursdays...it's annoying. i ran around and did a lot of errands. i have this huge gap from 9:20-12:30 on Thursdays. I had to go get some paper for my first studio project due tomorrow. I also had to trek across campus to get my parking pass and return some overdue library books. i ended up eating a salad a "field of greens" for lunch. i'm super thirsty right now. i think i'll take a trip to the water fountain or something.

there's a agnostic and atheist student group i found. i've been searching for them for the past year. apparently they are new but they meet at a time i can't so it's pointless. oh well. they weren't very friendly.

i've been bombarded with fliers and offers for free newspapers, bibles, and party invitations. the first week is always like a circus. i'm a little tired now and i still have an hour to wait for my next class. i think i shall go home and take a nap before doing the list of things i need to do today.

there are too many variations to consider

when did life get so complicated? when did living an honest life mean living your life in half-truths? how much of us that we interface with the world is real. in my own case, i know most of it is superficial. when did living in a social world get to be so political. we can never really say what we mean without outcasting ourselves from social favor. why does living with you and you mean creating a false sense of reality? we are lies, our makeup and bodies in the physical form of chatter and dance equals a balance of hatred, love, and lies. we make these investments because we don't know what truth is or we blind ourselves with love in order to hide the truth. the truth is that it's all a game. we're all just building bridges with our fake bricks hoping to make it across the ocean of society. i hope the waves one day crash upon us and we're all shaken to the truth that beauty is a lie...and all that is horrid is our only grasp on reality. take it.. just take it.

that's all folks

boy it rained hard again today. i had a dream about a really old friend of mine. he's such an adult though that i dreamt of him as a father figure of some sort. he was trying to help me find out where to return my library books. weird.

anyhow, i went to go visit jeremy's parents today while i was in town. i also made video of rita's (jerms' sister) graduation pictures. they're really good folks and fun to talk to. they were telling about the garden they plan to plant this fall. they even had to buy a new upright freezer to store all of their vegetables that they grew. amazing. i can't grow anything. i had this basil plant a year ago that tanked under jeremy's care..but i'm sure i would have killed it had i stayed in ft. worth as well.

i just got through paying bills and making a compilation cd for me to listen to on the way back to austin today. we have a long drive ahead of us and i'm sleepy already. i need to pack up my gear and get ready to move out. my dad likes everything to be pre-planned and super prepared. he'll ge fussy if we don't have everything ready to go by the time he gets home.

i shall gather all of my things now...and also throw in a few "found" items around the house that i may need. my father gave me a lifetime supply of conditoner and body wash stuff. he buys stuff at really great values. i don't have the patience to cut coupons and wait for sales... perhaps i should change my ways.

:)

it was the wind, i say!

i just went jogging with my father this evening. actually, i didn't do any jogging. i went with him on my bike. hehehe. oddly enough..or i should say shamefully, he beat me running. i say it was the wind. it was the wind, i say!
speaking of wind, it was crazy windy outside. the sky was dark blue and and the leaves were swirling furiously. after we finished a lap around the neighborhood, it started plopping down fat gushy raindrops. gawd, i miss bike riding. i forgot how much fun it is. it's too bad i haven't lived in a good neighborhood for biking since i left boremont.

apparently the light glitched at our house and my computer fritzed out. i thought i lost everything. quite a scare. my mom was yelling at me for leaving it on.. how was i to know the storm would catch up with us so quick. anyhow, now i smell like outdoors. guck. i forgot how gross it smells.

time to watch the rain with my kitties.

acid burn

ever since i saw the movie hackers, i've been trying to aquire a song i heard. it's the song playing when kate was standing outside on the balcony at her party. i went out and bought the soundtrack as soon as it came out to get that song. unfortunately, the song wasn't on it nor was it on the second soundtrack they released. my brother heard it playing on some obscure radio station once. he was able to tape half of it on a cassette. that was the closest i ever got to getting the song. so anyhow, it's been close to like six years and i've finally found the darn song. a friend of mine said he has the remix of the song but he also had the original. i just got it from him today. now i'm going to listen to it till i hate it.

music makes the world go round

Music has always been a very important element in our house. My mother and I did some dancing in the kitchen yesterday to some old eighties toon. I can't even remember what it was. hehehehe. Anyhow, sometimes I get hooked on one song for a very long time or a series of songs. At one point in time, I was obsessed with new age music and was constantly playing some Nervada songs on the stereo. I remember my mom commenting on the depressing nature of my choice of music. She said she felt like she was constantly at some funeral home. :D I also notice how my choice in old music correlates strongly with the music my father played a lot when we were children. We even have the thriller album from the eighties. John and I used to dance to it on lazy Sunday afternoons when he was like 2 and I was 7. There's still plenty of music in our house..always when we're eating and doing chores..etc. I always feel more alone when there isn't music on... it's like an invisible shell..sometimes defining me, sometimes protecting me, sometimes representing who i am..and other times, it's just there.

i'd like some heart, liver, and intestines

around six or so, close to dinner time, my mom suggested we go eat in Houston at this asian restaurant. we had to wait for my brother to get back from work. he does computer jobs for doctors when he's in town. it's good money and little work. anyhow, we had to wait an hour for him to arrive and didn't set out till almost 7pm. it took us about an hour and forty-five minutes to get there. my parents wanted to shop at the hong kong market before eating, so we did that first. my brother and i saw these cool looking parasols and i contemplated on getting one..but john convinced me that they wouldn't last long. i also saw one of those cool pictures with the waterfalls in them..and the water moves. they're mucho expensive though. oh well.

we ordered four dishes at this place called singh singh. they were delicious. unfortunately, we were sitting in the smoking section.. (hack hack)..

on our way back to boremont, my parents and i had this huge argument about marriage and religion. then, my brother and i argued about societal values and social stability procreated by stable relationships.then, i did some site stuff and think i'm going to call it a night.

would i rather be sewing soccer balls up?

i've been playing with a new webcam software, webcamxp. so far pretty good. it's missing some of the features that webcam32 had but it's got added features as well. the beauty of it is that it's basically a webcam/server all in one. no more messing with ip addresses. woop woop!

jerms and i have been playing around with the idea of turning one of my computers into a server so i don't have to pay for hosting anymore. it'd also make my life a whole lot easier. we'll have to see. we just got some server software and we're gonna try it out when he gets settled in austin.

today's been a pretty lax day. i woke up early and went to blockbuster with my father. he's on one of those 30 movies for 30 days thing. he's go a gazillion movies for me to catch up on now. it's great.

we had lunch...even john got up.. suprise suprise. then john got pissed off cuz my mother asked him to help my father mow the lawn.. he took a shower and practically ran away from the house.. hehehe. afraid more chores are in store i guess. it's amazing how some people don't chose to put their lives into a more global perspective. I AM a lucky bastard..being born in the US....educated and financially stable parents..etc... etc.. sometimes i don't feel like i deserve anything i have...

oh brother

i love my brother a lot..but damn, he's a fucking spoiled brat.
if it doesn't revolve around him, it's of no consequence. it boggles my mind how we ended up so different. granted, i'm a little selfish sometimes..but family comes first in my opinion.he's the reason, i don't want children. after, taking care of him..and seeing the way he turned out..damn. it's like, what was the point.

and now its the end of the week

whew...that was a lot of driving for under 24 hours. i drove to austin last night from ft. worth to take my placement test this morning. i'm not sure how i did but i'm hoping for the best. i dropped by the chippery to pick up a smoothie after the test and to give the guy the ten cents i owe him. it turns out that they've raised the prices of their smoothies twenty cents. ouch!

as soon as i got home, i packed everything back into the car and headed to boremont. i think i made pretty good time. i unloaded the car and then chatted with my parents for a bit. then, my dad and i went to walmart to pick up some shampoo to de-flea the outdoor cat they adopted. (by the way, i'm totally against outdoor cats)... it lives in our garage practically..my parents basically stole it from our dumb neighbors. they're piss poor cat owners in my opinion. they didn't put a collar on their cat nor does it have any rabbies tags on it. anyhow, it's basically our cats now cuz that's where "sassy" likes to stay. so we tried to give her a bath and she hated it! i got all scratched up but she didn't bite me so i was happy. anyhow, she's been shampooooooooooed and has a flea collar on...

today was also my brother's girlfriend, Charmaine's, birthday. She's two years older than john. we bought her an icecream cake at maggie moo's and sang her a little toon. jeremy and i got her a clock and my parents got her money. i think my brother's gift to her was a computer he made.

i just set up my computer in the pc room and am about to raid my father's vcd collection. i saw a bunch of movies that i want to catch up on... even the dumb ones.

why do i keep up with this garbage

i'm sitting here waisting time on www.fox.com looking up the american idol information and watching their video clips. i guess i just can not understand how they managed to audition all of those people and not come up with at least 10 people who can really sing. surely, the states are not that void of true vocal talents. the whole show is bogus of course but the inability of the top ten or even top three contenders having decent vocals is down right mind boggling. i guess the american idol will either be someone with a star quality afro and mediocre voice, a girl who can sing great gospel but acts like a sorority girl, or a rocker chick who can't seem to hit a single note..but has great hair.

and i'm hitting myself for letting myself get involved with such a retarded show.
i guess ..you gotta know.. if you gotta know.
it's not really a big deal. in fact, wasn't there a show called pop stars...a group of girls who got to be in a pop star group...where are they now? i don't even remember their name.

in the beginning there was text message

ahahahahahahahahahaha...
this is great

"r father n hvn: up 2 d8 txts frm d bible."

glimpses of under-written emotions

as if out of nowhere somtimes..they read my mind

this post by 21/08/2002 08:29pm

sleeping cuties

because dessy doesn't get enough love:

gone to hell

i'm in my own prviate hell right now.
hoping to emerge out so very soon..
biting my arms off so i can't feel the real pain...
but what the hell am i complaining about...

architecture is for losers

okay..so i've made it through jerecho and the formations of the first urban settlements..and now i'm on to mesapotamia.. just the beginning...still so far to go.

long lost junk

the drive was rather long because i ran into some lane closures but i made it around midnight last night. i had an accident with my computer while unloading the car. i dropped it! aye. i would have died if my hard drive was ruined. its' the one thing i can't lose...but looks like everything is in working order.

i'm about to start studying..damn it all. i hate this.
guess i should just stop whining and start doing.

jeremy found four boxes full of my things underneath his stair closet. he didn't realize they were in there. i had fun going through them...like finding long lost treasure. i'll have to sort through it all when it gets moved later. maybe i'll find something super fun that i forgot about.

made a decision, time to execute

i have decided what to do. i'm going to see jerm's..
hopefully he will force me to study this week...and then i won't be lonely..and i'll be happy..well as happy as you can be while studying.
then i'll go to austin to take the test friday and then i'll head to bmt this weekend to see my folks.

hopefully my plan works out. ick. i still have to drive for 3 hours to ft. worth.. and i'm riding on an empty stomach.

reporting back ATLAD (after the long ass drive).

i'm a mess

ugh. i can't go anywhere. i need to study. i know i'll be totally distracted if i go home. i'm so stumped. i 'm just sitting here staring into nowhere trying to figure out what to do with myself. damn this test.. damn it to hell...
the only reason they're making me take it is to prove that i've taken three of my architecture history classes before. they won't take my transcript as proof..because they say that "we take our history seriously".... gahh.. so mad i could spit.

must go....must go....

what's wrong with me? i just woke up with a headache from hell. it feels like my head is caving in from all sides... plus i just woke up feeling so lonely i could die. and i'm missing my mom and dad so much that i can hardly breathe.. i think i need to go home. i really need to see my parents. i didn't go home this week because i have this huge test i'm supposed to be studying for...for this friday...but damnit all. i think i'm going to go home anyhow. time to pack up this computer.

tigger in camo gear

Yesterday..someone..maybe jerms..maybe not..decided to dress up tigger in some camo gear. hehehe. the funniest thing is that he hasn't tried to remove it yet. perhaps he likes his new fashion. click here for tigger in his new threads

these two have been bumming around all day. right now, tigger is laying next to my screen door staring up at dessy. she's on my bed laying on her side with her paws curled up. oop. now tigger just rotated himeslf to look out the window. okay..enough minute by minute updates of my cats activities. i need to get a life.

kiss my veggies

last friday i was talking to jeremy on messenger and came up with this awesome plan for a tv show. i thought about submitting it to a network but they don't accept random ideas..you have to get to them through an agent. oh well. i'm planning on putting up a mock website to demonstrate my idea. :)

i'm sure there's already a show like this somewhere..but hey, it'll be fun.

my cats=doing nothing all day
doing nothing all day=vegetables
vegetables=veggies
i love veggies

chicken, sex, and ice cream..what a sunday

this weekend was rather eventful. our old friend, jennifer, from high school and college just moved to Austin last week. we invited her and her friend over for lunch today. jeremy cooked some a thai chicken dish called kow mun gai. it turned out really well. he even deviated from my mother's recipe but it still turned out perfect. (click here for pics)

we went to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients but we forgot the cucumbers so i had to go back while he started cooking. while i was there, i saw these calcium milk
chocolate chew tablets. i decided to go ahead and try them out. they're actually very good..expensive but very good. now i can look forward to taking my vitamin C and calcium every day.. like eating candy!

after jeremy left, i slaved on the internet trying to figure out how to write my own poll scripts.. no luck yet. around 8pm i watched Sex and the City ..then my friend jennifer called and we went out to marble's slab for some icecream. mmm. i ordered my usual vanilla with reeces peanut butter cup but the guy gave me cheesecake instead. i had to have him redo it for me. i KNOW vanilla!

after we were finished, i went back to her place and helped her unpack a few things..then i headed home... which is where i am now... i'm really tired..and just want to crash but i have a lot of paid work i need to get done before tomorrow morning. i'm thinking about taking a nap. is that normal? to take a nap in the middle of the night?
hehehe. oh well.

lets go japanese

i can hear rumbling in the kitchen. jeremy is beginning to organize all of our junk down there..just phase one of his move to austin. he's happy to be aquiring a larger kitchen because he loves to cook. his requirement for a home is to have a large kitchen with an island in the middle of it. i prefer to have take-out every night. :)

anyhow, all of this junk organization is making me wish i wasn't such a spoiled brat when i was younger..always needing to purchase knick knacks all of the time. we just have way too much junk. a part of me wants us to just get rid of it all and the other part of me will never let go. i'm hoping to one day own a place that has a mile of built in shelving so i can have a nice cubby hole for all of my crap.

from now on, it's just electronic purchases. :)

you should see my wishlist.. i don't know if there's an item on it that isn't over 500 dollars. i like to aim high so that maybe i'll never have to buy.

headless lizard

it must have been strolling along on a nice spring day when
my father pressed the garage door button...and off with its head..

dance dance dance

wohoo

check it

oye. i can hardly move my legs.

a friend of mine from dallas came over yesterday night and we all went out ot eat at Magnolia's. I got laughed at because i ordered two eggs and a shortstack... apparently, you can get that anywhere.. not like it matters to me. good food is good food.

we went out dancing last night at a club called texture to see some dj from la called doc martin. i think we arrived a little too early.. no one was dancing. we decided to walk around 6th street for a little while. we went into this club called plush which had no cover. it was tiny little joint but the music was good. after roaming the neighborhood for an hour or so we finally went back to texture. luckily, the club was pumping enough to see some action on the floor. i went to work. i danced my ass off..or more like my legs. i can't feel my knees anymore. i was worn out after two and a half hours of non stop dancing..not to mention the fact that i was as thirsty as a horse. i could have drank five gallons of water. jerms didn't dance at all... the bummer. i think my friend was a little frustrated when we left early because he was still going at it.. plus he was about an hour away from picking up this cute thang.

today we're doing lunch with everyone...including an additonal friend of jeremy's. i have no idea where we are headed. i'm pretty proud of myself for having so much endurance last night after only getting 3 hours of sleep the night before.

summer school is ova! let the real hell begin.

i've also decided that i don't like all night "house techno"... i think it gets way too repetative.. not enough beat or hype.

rise and shine *slap*

passed out after last post.
woke up around 8am.
i'm pooped and incoherent.

i forgot what i was supposed to be writing about...

good morning anyhow.

tick tock

hmmm. 4am research undercovers new data to be implemented. this puts a new twist on things. 5am should be even more interesting.

-droopy eyes

wha! wait a minute. it is 5am!!!

another day of procrastination

activity of inactivity
i see her lying there
she's unmoving
and i wonder if the term sloth doth apply

as if anything mattered anymore.

i'm starving.

voyeurism

it's late, i just got off the phone with jeremy. only a week and half and he'll be moved down here for good. yeah! speaking of move, i'm supposed to help a friend move tomorrow. she's a friend from highschool and college..and now we'll be doing the grad school thing together as well. she's studying russian literature and history i think.

anyhow, i'm watching this guy in sweden eat his breakfast right now. i love the internet. it's so amazing. watching this stranger chew his food makes me happy for some reason.
i think it's for the same reason i love visiting people's websites and reading their live journals...just so long as they don't charge. i can't stand that...

lights, camera , no action

i'm hungry and i want a big fat juicy sirloin steak! i've been totally unproductive today...at least i didn't take a nap i guess. i uploaded some movie clips from our christmas and jerm's reaction to tigger being shaved. you have to have windows media player to view them still. i can't figure out how to shrink down a quicktime file.
http://www.zerolife.com/movies.html

ya ya.. enjoy.

there's no point sometimes

i haven't felt like starting the day yet. i've been playing on the internet all afternoon. i really have no life or i am trying to avoid it as much as possible. i found this really cool website that allows you to play with their cam...tilt and pan feature. really neat.

other than that, i've been scoping out other people's sites, reading the news, contemplating my future. i also need to find some kind of a non addictive drug to help me sleep at night. it usually takes me two hours after going to bed to fall asleep. i just think too much.

empty empty empty

meow

hmmm. it's time to play "where is that cat?"

move along, nothing here to see

i think i'm going to bed early tonight for once.
today was the last day of summer school but i still have a paper due this friday.
i've been sleepy all day today.

i owe the smoothie guy ten cents. i wonder if he'll be mad if i don't show up with it tomorrow. maybe i'll go get a smoothie tomorrow for kicks..maybe for desert or something.

eh. i'm boring. going to stop blabbing for now.

p.s. here's a thought. i really am starting to wonder if i envy stay-at-home, work-at-home moms..except for the mom part. i wonder if being a homebody is all that great or would i rott away with guilt for not contributing to the GNP...........................

hot and humid and hung

it's been an extremely hot night. i just can't get my room cool enough for some reason. i shouldn't have upgraded my cpu, it's a stand alone heater.

i just got done doing some paid work..nothing of real interest.

i'm feeling restless and forgettable. i have something to do tomorrow that i don't want to do. i have that dreaded feeling. i can't even fathom what kind of speeds my heart will be racing at tomorrow and all i'm going to do is talk to someone.

i have always had a disdain for people in authority situations.

skipping sleep, going to school or is it reverse?

i didn't go to bed till 7am this morning. i'm feeling the repurcussions now. i contemplated skipping school but i only have two more days. i don't know why i can't stand to miss class. i guess i feel like i might miss out on some important information... doubtful but you never know. what if the day i skip is the day they reveal how to conquer the universe. heh.

shrug. it's going to be a lousy day. i got a lot done graphic and webpage wise last night though..so i guess i'm happy about that. i put up my video of dessy but it's only in windows media format right now. i can't figure out how to shrink a quicktime file down small enough to post it.

CLICK HERE for da movie.

kiss my (_*_)

i agree that sometimes misery is over-rated but i just can't stand the thought of eternal happiness. i can't stand the thought of people deluding themselves into thinking the world is a wholly positive place. life sucks...if not for you, then you better at least believe that it does for a lot of people.

i hate happy pushers.

it is OKAY to be unhappy sometimes. it's OKAY to be unhappy today.
today is UNHAPPY day.

pancakes and packing

click here for pics of our lunch on saturday. we tried out the hors d' eouvers recipe and it turned out pretty good.

today we had IHOP for lunch. i finally got pancakes which i have been craving for this past week. i felt pretty guilty eating all that fatty nonsense afterwards but it was yummy. we stopped by a friends house on our way home. he lives just down the street. i felt bad about just barging in without a warning but jerms said it'd be okay. we got to see his new bunny rabbits and the pooty mess they've been making in his condo. hehe.
he works at blockbuster so he gets tons of free movies. he's got quite an extensive library of dvds. hehe. he should open up his own rental store.

when we got back, jerms got this huge organization kick and we went through a ton of our stuff and compacted and organized things. it's funny. i had these three boxes sitting in the hallway since my move in january. it took him like 10 minutes to sort everything out and get rid of the boxes. :) i guess i am such a packrat i hate thinking about sorting and trashing my things.

i'm still unsure of how we're going to fit everything in this place once he moves down for good. we're going to have extra everyhings! anyone interested in a fridge, recliner, dinner table, or couch? i'm thinking about putting an add in the paper. if all else fails, we'll put some of this stuff on the curb. i'm sure our home owner's association will just love that!

wasps and hobbits

today we set out to kill the wasps. jerms and i bought this can that's supposed to spray up to 20ft in the air. the stuff sucked. as jeremy was spraying, the stuff came out in this huge poof (not a stream) and parts were squirting back at him. it was awful. he was pretty relentless though and continued to spray the nest. we found three of them around the condo. heh. i guess he didn't chicken out afterall. we're waiting for all of the wasps to clear and all of the larvae to drop out of the nest. tomorrow, we will bat down the nests with my trusty broom.

we opened up the lord of the rings dvd and watched the ten minute preview of the Two Towers. it looks like it's going to be awesome. i can't wait to see it. the extended version also looks like a worthwhile buy. it's got a lot of the story line that was cut out of the first release. i'm looking forward to it..just hope i can alot three and a half hours to watch it. heh.

the silliest things happen at 2am

jerms is so silly. he was playing with dessy on the floor for awhile until she stabbed his neck. he then crawled underneath my chair and went to sleep. silly thing is, that he wouldn't go to sleep when he was on the bed. i i guess i better wake him up and get us into bed.

models and hors d'oeuvres

yesterday night we went out with a friend of ours, eric. he invited a married couple he knew from work to come eat with us. we went to this place called Romeo's...some small italian place. i didn't feel too comfortable about having to eat with strangers but i'm always like that with akward social situations. we got seated right away by some college kid with long scruffy blonde hair. he gave us our menus but then came back and told us he was leaving for the night and we'd get another waiter. eric's friends weren't there when we got there so we went ahead and got a table. we were talking and ordering our drinks when these two young people walked into the retaurant and took a seat at the bar. i noticed them right away because the girl was extremely tall and wearing a low cut blue dress with sparkles on it. the guy had a huge gotee that protuded form his chin about 6 inches.

i asked eric what his friends looked like and he was like "why?"
I said "is that them at the bar?"
he said "yup"

the evening pressed on like some bad dream for me. our conversations were pretty dull. i was definitely not amused by most of what was being said. i was also very shy and didn't want to reveal too much about myself. i kept staring at the girl's chest and feeling very stupid for it. first, her dress was cut super low, she wasn't wearing a bra, and her dress lining was very shiny and glittery. i just kept seeing this shiny line coming from her dress and looking at it. i wonder if this is how men feel.

i think the whole ordeal lasted about two and a half hours because they kept ordering drinks. i think we were the last customers to leave the buliding. the waiters didn't seem happy when we were stilll in the restaurant 45 minutes after they were closed.

we said our good byes and jeremy, eric, and i went to blockbuster to pick up a movie. we got trekkies. it was okay, def. had it's hillarious moments. some of those trekkies take themselves so seriously it's just too funny. it's like you want to laugh but then you realize that this is a way of life for some people. i guess whatever makes them happy.
heh. are you a trekker or a trekkie?

today, jerms went to his interview with the headhunter and i woke up really late. we went to the grocery store and bought the ingredients to make some of those hor d'oeuvres i saw on the food channel the other day. when we got back, i made us some sandwiches and jeremy made the hors d'oeuvres.

the rest of the night flew by really fast and i don't remember what we did for most of the evening. i know we played UNO and i won. we also played strip poker and i won again. heheh. right now, i'm sipping on some orange juice and eating vanilla wafers.
i'm thinking about how i'm not supposed to be worrying of all the things i need to get done this weekend.

gawd, i wish something fun would happen.

this is why i hate the outdoors

yesterday when the sun was shining brightly, the birds were chirping merrily, and the sky was a bright blue, i decided to venture out onto my balcony and take in the fresh air. i stepped outside and wham there was this huge swarming nest of wasps above my head. two of them quickly darted towards me so i screamed and ducked back into my room. i've only been stung by a wasp twice (both at the same time) and it was not fun.

decisions decisions
go to the free symphony at zilker park or pay 30+ bucks to dance at the Electronic Daisy Carnival.

danz

i did a lot of dancing tonight... in my room...alone. :) was dancing to some saint germain. it made me want to become a broadway dancer... heh. times like this, i wish i had a friend who liked to wear pink sparkly tights and dance the night away. ole!

i can't sleep, so i'm watching monster's inc. right now.
hehe.
"using mainly spoons, we dig a tunnel under the city and release it into the wild"

i think i'm headed to bed soon

bread and sex

this afternoon, i flipped on the food network and caught this show, sarah's secrets, on how to make cheap hors d'oeuvres using store bought bread. it was awesome. i might try it out. here's how
i then stuck in replacement killers and only got through the first few minutes before i tanked for a few hours. i was out till late which is bad because i need to get back on a normal sleeping schedule. ah well.

i was thinking about my sexual orientation tonight. i also took a look at the Kinsey Scale and noted that i'm about a 2-3. the thing is that i'm sexually attracted to women by body only. however, i prefer the male penis to the female vagina. does this mean i'm supposed to be attracted to transexuals? hahaha.

don't need a reason

i had a friend ask me for an authorization code to join livejournal. i had no idea they had this policy in place. it suprises me. they do give a generous amount of authorization codes but who am i to decide who is fit for lj or not? that's crazy.

last night, i couldn't go to sleep so i got up and did some sketching. it was sort of maddening to scribble down the images that came to mind. i'm not very good at it. i think it takes some practice. tigger was unimpressed. :)

i've been craving pancakes for some reason. i think that ever since i saw that ihop commercial where they had the blue berries on one side and the strawberries on the other, i've been hooked. maybe one of these weekends i will indulge myself to a unhealthy portion of yummy hot pancakes.

one too many tvs

tonight was fine. jerms and i had a conversation about his lack of "online-ness"..which i defined as expressing oneself online. at one point, i got him to start a live journal but then he stopped. i forget why. he's a gamer. i'm an onliner. i guess, in the end, it fits.

i had a convo with a friend today about changing my way of dealing with issues that worry me. i'm going to start making a conscious effort to stop worrying from now on.
it's getting to the point where i'm feeling the physical harm of being a paranoid freak.
i think this will be a healthy and wise investment. let's see if it works out.

i also have come to the realization that i love cheez-it crackers. they're cheesy crisp goodness. i'm going to try and become their spokesperson. hehe. just kidding.

i helped a friend haul his new tv to his apartment. i had to drive out to Fry's Electronics and they loaded the 32" into my CRV. yeah, it was good for something. he might be returning it soon if the picture quality isn't good. pretty soon, our condo will have one too many tvs in it. jerms is bringing down his fifty two inch tv down so our thirty inch will have to be scooted over. i think we'll just keep two tvs in the living room so john can play his PS2 games on the smaller tv. i don't think it's good to play ps2 games on a projection tv. i don't know.

yeah for old and random!

what do you think of this comment i found

"most livejournal people are boring morons. hrm. i hope i'm not that way when i get old and random."

another one bites the dust

i've always had such a strong sense of self. i live in my own mind, almost completely introverted during the day and twilight hours. i guess this is why i find it hard discovering that some people have far fewer layers than others. we're not all of the same internal anguish and hidden desires. some people are really what you see. i guess that's a scary thing for me.

Blackbird (Lennon/McCartney)

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to be free.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

nightmares and dreams

it's the weirdest thing that my normal dreams are other people's nightmares. granted, my dreams always have a "nightmare part" to them, but they are incorporated into my life. it's like i have to take the horrish with the supernatural. last night i dreamt i was running for my life, almost gang raped by a bunch of hillbillies, crawling in a pit of snakes, bitten by a yellow snake and had to pull it's fangs out of my leg, stuck in the osborne's house begging everyone to play shadowrun with me (they wanted to play some superhero game), i even dreamt that jerms showed up to the house wearing a superman constume. my dreams are always bizarre like this. i used to wake up every day during college and say to jerms "i had the weirdest dream last night".. but now they are not so weird..they're my regular dreams.

i couldn't sleep when i went to bed so i put in deep impact and watched half of it till i got drowsy. tigger was stretched out next to me making a tired look on his face. he's so lucky. i really do envy my cats. i kissed him. i always thought the affection towards animals was a weird one..but i just want my cats to know they're loved. does this make me a freak? heh. too bad they can't understand me.

it's 3am and i know i'm lonely

it's super late again. i just got done downloading songs.
i love techno. i'm a freak. must dance. i guess i just need to get it out of my system. i imagine this is what it's like to be a pent up sixteen year old boy. hah.

my throat is so dry but i'm too lazy to go get some water to drink. dying here.
did a lot of site stuff today. again, refused to study for my exam. "L" : das for my forehead.

have you given your sweetie a kiss lately? the kissing booth

powerless

my little darling dessy is whining at me to play with her. she's brought her purple mouse up for me to play fetch. tigger was laying butt against the door with his feet kicked up against it. too cute.

i got my smoothie today from the dude so it tasted really great. when i got home, i fixed myself a deluxe dinner. hehe.. i tried to stay awake but i just got really sleepy and passed out for a few hours. i heard the phone ring at some point but i wasn't awake enough to answer it. i dreamt one of those really vivid dreams. it was one of those where i start out completely powerless and a prey of some sort..and then warp myself into invicibility and becoming the empowered. then, i wake up and i'm powerless again.

solid distraction

oy. i just got my paid work done. woohooo. now i'm on to my school work. i have a detailed outline of a paper due tomorrow. i haven't even begun. i'm so un-interested.

i've been surfing the net as a solid distraction.
came across www.oculart.com
great stuff..tis my style

and she constantly dreams of a girl who rejects her and a boy who can never answer to abandonment... why. why. why. why. why.

i read a girl's lj today that disturbed me because it was so judgemental of other people's live journals...and yet i myself thought her live journal was hateful..thus also being judgemental... the lj cycle can run forever. it's a paradox you just don't want to step into.

my tax free weekend

this weekend was pretty eventful. we went out to eat Friday night at Vinny's, my favorite Italian restaurant in Austin. we also rented two movies, hart's war and resident evil. resident evil was okay..entertaining but not all that stimulating. we didn't watch hart's war until the next night but i was pleasantly surprised by it. i was expecting another war movie but quickly discovered it was more a suspense drama.

i couldn't sleep Friday night. i've been having trouble sleeping lately. i think i'm just worried about a lot of things. anyhow, insomnia is like living in your own private hell. you basically have to lay still and pretend your brain is dead when it's racing with a million thoughts. the next morning, i wasn't tired for some odd reason. i guess i was excited about going to shopping.

we hit san marcos around 10 something. oddly enough, i only found one shirt i liked. jerms, on the other hand, racked up! he got a lot of great deals on some really nice outfits. i was pretty disappointed with the shopping spree.

we finished up around 4 and headed to san antonio to meet up with jerm's co-worker for dinner. it took us awhile to find parking but we finally found some garage that allowed all day parking for five bucks. we walked down to the river walk and headed to the river center mall. i did a little bit of shopping before we finally met up with the group.
we had to walk about 8 blocks to the mexican restaurant we were going to eat at but it was actually a pretty scenic trip.

the food was okay and the service was pretty poor in my opinion. a couple of people kept coming by asking us to buy stuff which was kind of annoying. it was def. a tourist venue. after we finished eating, we went back to the rivercenter mall and shopped a little more. this time, i acquired two more shirts (the previous shopping spree had yielded nothing).

we went home that night and watched hart's war. jerms fell alseep towards the end of the movie. heh. i was still wide awake so i stuck in sleepless in Seattle and watched that until i was tired enough to close my eyes.

nothing much happened today. i watched the anna nicole show. i was not impressed at all but i couldn't stop watching it. it's kind of like watching a slow train wreck. i think that woman is doped up. i have a lot to do tonight (due to procrastination)...

eh. another weekend bites the dust.

waiting for the weekend

another night i'm sitting up thinking about nothing and everything. i might actually have a fairly exciting weekend planned. jerms and i talked about going to san marcos for tax free weekend. san marcos has a huge outlet center. it's also only 45 minutes away from san antonio. if we have time, we might drop by san antonio. hehe. that should be fun.
do people outside of texas have to study about the alamo? i wonder what people learn about their state if they live in montana or something. i can't image their state history class being all that fun.

freshly shaved legs feel so weird. i can't stop touching myself. hahaha.

oh my god

this is an excerpt from their guest book

From Martin Harrity Date: Sat, 27 Jan 2001

I have been trying your techniques with limited success. Tell me would the removal of internal organs from the kitty before it is placed in the container make it any more maliable? Also my first two attempts went badly wrong. I attempted to reshape the kittys' joints to the desired angle by breaking the bones and resetting them. Unfortunately infection set in and the both kittys had to be destroyed. This sure can be an expensive hobby especially if people are not as talented as you! That's the 3rd kitty I've had die on me (the other one puked up while in the container and drowned). Any tips would be most welcome!



Dear Martin,

While some spectacular results have been achieved with surgical alterations, in general we do not recommend them due to the complications that can arise and the corresponding low success rate, as you have discovered. Many of the shapes that you may be aiming for can be achieved with custom constriction instead of surgery. Please get in touch with us regarding your specific visions and we will see if we can help.

must be a cruel joke

urgh.this can't be real

what happened to the morning

whew. i was up till 5am last night creating a new layout for my site. i'm only 1/10 of the way there. frustrating. i really need to learn asp. urgh. and what the heck am i doing? i have so many other things i should be doing right now instead. tisk tisk. life goes on.
life goes on.

i had three consecutive nightmares last night. one invovled a swarm of baby spiders coming out of my right ear. the other one involved zombie/robbers. i don't remember what the middle one was...something about sea animals.

i'm out of things to eat in this house. this indicates a grocery spree will be necessary some time today. damn. that means i have to go out and face other people.

grocery list
wheat bread
tomatos
crackers
cookies
(2) low acid orange juice
apples (if they look decent)
oranges (if they look decent)
strawberries (they're in season!)
lettuce