it's been awhile. my life has been in total limbo for the past few weeks.
i'm in ft. worth working right now. i'll be here for one more week before returning back to Austin to go to summer school.

i feel almost lifeless. working or i should say the working schedule really put me out of it. i feel like i don't want to do anything. my office life is depressing. i'm watching these people with predictable lives and they're all happy. We're all conditioned to live this life we think is "right" or "happy". We're striving to optimize our lives. The problem is that most of us who live in society are conditioned to believe in one kind of happiness. I call it the ONE-mode system. STABILITY- what we all do to get at this. It's crazy. What stability leads to is predictability. Predictability can be good but how much can you stand it? My mother has lived the same day for the past 15 years. I don't know if I'm capable of doing that without going insane. I hate thinking about one day having to go to the same job for the next 15 to 20 years BUT at the same time, I'm thinking "i should be so lucky to know i'll be secure for the next 10 to 15 years."

sigh.

i'll play on my puter.
i'll do some daily exercises.
i'll take a shower.
i'll dry my hair.
i'll floss.

i'll be in bed around midnight.

double sigh.