Double Knots

When you say someone’s happiness is tied to your own, that really means something to me. That’s not something you say to an acquaintance or even a casual friend. To truly mean that, you have to emotionally tie yourself to someone else’s life…. like with a double knot.

It’s not something you want to say lightly or say just for shock value or to pretend you are actually more genuine than you really are because the truth is that humans are fickle. There is no guarantee that the person you have tied knots around will be able to smile all the time.

Especially if that person is like me and has such grand ups and downs, I can’t expect anyone who ties knots around my emotions will find much happiness in life. And then what? Do I begin to feel guilty and do what I always do? Pretend for them?

And perhaps it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t also feel the person’s happiness is key to your own…tit for tat and all that. If you didn’t care about that person, then you could tell them to make double knots and it wouldn’t matter.

So then what does it all become? Does that mean we are drowning each other? In the past, it has meant that I accept that I will allow myself to drown to ensure their happiness survives. And this is how I lost myself before…will this be how I continue to drown?