i was able to resolve things last week concerning my "issue".
i feel weird.
this live journal is supposed to be my outlet but i don't feel comfortable posting anymore. not about
things concerning work and life because of my fear that some people will read it.
i know i could post friends only but that seems futile. considering most of the people on my friend's list are AYBYAM.
(added you because you added me) which means i'm WAY more interested in their journals than they are or should be in mine.
and that's fine. that's how i like it.
my journal is meant to be public. it's my way of sharing, venting...throwing a question out into the void.
i can't believe how furious i was those past two weeks. i can't believe how frustrated some people can make me.
i can't believe how frustrated i let people get me. it's too much. it's ridiculous. it's ludicrous when you think of things on the macro level. what the hell do i have to complain about? i know. our daily stupid toils. our daily stupid problems. boo hoo. sometimes i make myself so mad. shape up! get over it. get over your poor miserable life. you're a weak little girl who doesn't know how to appreciate a good thing when she's got it. sometimes i say to myself "someone should take it all away from you. so you'd see how stupid you're being. you should be slapped into some sense of the world around you. you and your problems are so idiotic."
but then again. i'm selfish. and my problems are my problems and i feel them so intensely because i know no other problems. life goes on. i scream. i fuss. i cuss. and the world keeps going.
what's the point?
Sunday, December 28, 2003
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
google snowmen
haha.
has anyone been going to google.com lately?
yesterday they had two snowmen looking perplexed at the google logo
halfway buried in the snow. today, the snow men are digging the google logo out. i bet tomorrow the whole logo will be showing and snow men will be melted. hehe.
has anyone been going to google.com lately?
yesterday they had two snowmen looking perplexed at the google logo
halfway buried in the snow. today, the snow men are digging the google logo out. i bet tomorrow the whole logo will be showing and snow men will be melted. hehe.
Saturday, December 20, 2003
apology to those who are exposed to my hatred
anyone who went to high school and college with me knows what a terrible amount of anger and hatred i can unleash. but i sware, after undergrad i stopped getting as angry as i did. i'd get pissed off and annoyed but i never harbored pure hatred at someone. until now..
yeah. so i'm still trying to deal with this problem i have. i don't want to get into it here since this is a public journal. all i know is that i don't get paid enough to be shitted on ond disrespected by someone who hasn't even come close to working as hard as i have. but you know, that's the way the world works. people shit on you and then shit on you some more. don't expect a damn thing... because there is no such thing as karma and come-upins. nope. shit always slides down hill.. and my friends, we are in the valley.
so anyhow, i guess i want to apologize to my poor cats and doggy and j.
they've really been subjected to my cruelty and anger this week. i've taken it out on them every chance i could get. i've been very short tempered and very difficult. i haven't felt myself at all. i've been consumed. i don't like to calm myself when i'm frustrated. i think it's counter productive. i think it's better to release it to the world instead of containing it.
wow though, it's amazing how much hatred a human being can exude. i felt like i was drowning in my own hatred. i couldn't concentrate very well. i kept eating everything i came into contact with. i must have gained ten pounds from all the "eating therapy" i gave myself. hehe. crackers, cheese, cookies, ham, sausage, tacos, cake... i felt like pac man eating my way to the finish line, the finsih line being releif.
i got so mad i was screaming in my car. people must have though i was crazy. maybe i was. now my temper has simmered down. now, i'm just bitter and festering. i'm grumpy and tired.
i'm also sick. i have a cough, sore throat, and a VERY runny nose. i think i'll go through a whole box of tissues today. plus, i'm at work right now. i have to work this weekened in order to take the holiday vacation next week.
this is so not where i want to be. i want to be in a damp cold hole with bugs crawling thorugh my hair and worms eating out my eyeballs.
-merry xmas. >:P
yeah. so i'm still trying to deal with this problem i have. i don't want to get into it here since this is a public journal. all i know is that i don't get paid enough to be shitted on ond disrespected by someone who hasn't even come close to working as hard as i have. but you know, that's the way the world works. people shit on you and then shit on you some more. don't expect a damn thing... because there is no such thing as karma and come-upins. nope. shit always slides down hill.. and my friends, we are in the valley.
so anyhow, i guess i want to apologize to my poor cats and doggy and j.
they've really been subjected to my cruelty and anger this week. i've taken it out on them every chance i could get. i've been very short tempered and very difficult. i haven't felt myself at all. i've been consumed. i don't like to calm myself when i'm frustrated. i think it's counter productive. i think it's better to release it to the world instead of containing it.
wow though, it's amazing how much hatred a human being can exude. i felt like i was drowning in my own hatred. i couldn't concentrate very well. i kept eating everything i came into contact with. i must have gained ten pounds from all the "eating therapy" i gave myself. hehe. crackers, cheese, cookies, ham, sausage, tacos, cake... i felt like pac man eating my way to the finish line, the finsih line being releif.
i got so mad i was screaming in my car. people must have though i was crazy. maybe i was. now my temper has simmered down. now, i'm just bitter and festering. i'm grumpy and tired.
i'm also sick. i have a cough, sore throat, and a VERY runny nose. i think i'll go through a whole box of tissues today. plus, i'm at work right now. i have to work this weekened in order to take the holiday vacation next week.
this is so not where i want to be. i want to be in a damp cold hole with bugs crawling thorugh my hair and worms eating out my eyeballs.
-merry xmas. >:P
Thursday, December 18, 2003
the girl that everyone should hate
i'm so pissed off.
i'm so annoyed.
i so want to pull someone's eyes out of their socket.
the invader has pushed my last button.
TICKED.
i'm so annoyed.
i so want to pull someone's eyes out of their socket.
the invader has pushed my last button.
TICKED.
Saturday, December 13, 2003
...continued
just got back from doing some ET practice. we have a pre-season game this monday. i haven't played in a while so i was a bit rusty but not too bad. i had to learn the new map we're going to be playing.
anyhow. i played some ET for awhile, then took QT(pi) out to do her business. now, i'm probably going to crawl into bed and watch some tv before i pass out...
yup. sounds like a plan for tonight.
anyhow. i played some ET for awhile, then took QT(pi) out to do her business. now, i'm probably going to crawl into bed and watch some tv before i pass out...
yup. sounds like a plan for tonight.
xmas shopping
i'm sitting here wolfing down on some marshmallows and drinking dr. pepper. i would have some hot chocolate but it's not that cold in here yet. we did a lot of holiday shopping today. we went all over the place from barnes and nobles to petco, fry's to bed bath and beyond, sam's to REI. most of our list has been taken care of but there's still a bit more. my brother decided to go shopping with us at the last minute so we couldn't buy any of his gifts while we were out. we're supposed to tackle the mall tomorrow and get a few more things.
j's gift is hiding underneath the bed. i took a long lunch yesterday and went to get it. it's hard finding the time to do shopping when you work from store open to store closing hours. plus, i'm a mom now and most of my free time is devoted to poopy duty and training.
i want to watch angels in america tonight...cuz the second part is coming on tomorrow night..
brb...
j's gift is hiding underneath the bed. i took a long lunch yesterday and went to get it. it's hard finding the time to do shopping when you work from store open to store closing hours. plus, i'm a mom now and most of my free time is devoted to poopy duty and training.
i want to watch angels in america tonight...cuz the second part is coming on tomorrow night..
brb...
Monday, December 8, 2003
tis the season
tis the season and yet i am not in the mood. how strange. i'm usually a very holiday-spirit girl. this year, i've been very melancholy. i feel like a robot going through the motions i've been programmed for. i whipped out the christmas music today to try and jump start my xmas go-go. i've started up a list of christmas. hopefully i can get most of the things bought by this weekend because i have to work for weekend days to take time off to go home.
i made christmas cards myself this year. i wish i had a better printer and a nice cutting board but oh well. i didn't have too much time. they came out okay, not quite what i had planned...etc.. i'll post the card in a week after everyone i'm sending it too gets one.
i dropped by Eckerds this afternoon and bought a few christmas decorations that were on sale. I also bought some holiday candy to put out. I pulled out the christmas star lights from last year and hung them on the wall. I also indulged myself and bought a Martha Stewart Holiday magazine issue. There's a great section this month on how to create woodland-character sweets. Snow flake shaped marshmallows, pine cone shaped cakes, log shaped cakes, and sugar twigs. I might try to recreate these confectionery delights this weekend. We'll see.
j and i went to this offices' christmas party this past Friday. it was at this place called the iron cactus. a margarita bar and grill type place with a "casino" where you play for tickets to enter a lottery for prizes. we spent the whole night play at the crap table. it was the first time i had ever played. it's a real social game so it can be pretty fun. we ended up breaking even at the end of the night but didn't win any prizes aside from the door prize everyone got, a fancy company water container.
this weekend, i sent most of my time playing mom to qtpi. i'm trying to train her to go running in the morning. i even got her to run a bit with a harness and leash on. she's currently learning the sit command. the words she hears a lot now are "outside", "potty", "good girl", "paw check", "no!", "sit", and "kennel".. hopefully she'll move onto "stay", "lay down", "fetch", and "pay bills"... hehehe. j/k on the last one. i wish.
okie doke, the christmas cards are done printing and are in their envelopes. i just need to fill them out which is the most time consuming part because i try to write mini-letters in them. so i'm going to do the hard part tomorrow when i'm more awake. need to get some sleep, have a meeting with my boss in the morning.
i made christmas cards myself this year. i wish i had a better printer and a nice cutting board but oh well. i didn't have too much time. they came out okay, not quite what i had planned...etc.. i'll post the card in a week after everyone i'm sending it too gets one.
i dropped by Eckerds this afternoon and bought a few christmas decorations that were on sale. I also bought some holiday candy to put out. I pulled out the christmas star lights from last year and hung them on the wall. I also indulged myself and bought a Martha Stewart Holiday magazine issue. There's a great section this month on how to create woodland-character sweets. Snow flake shaped marshmallows, pine cone shaped cakes, log shaped cakes, and sugar twigs. I might try to recreate these confectionery delights this weekend. We'll see.
j and i went to this offices' christmas party this past Friday. it was at this place called the iron cactus. a margarita bar and grill type place with a "casino" where you play for tickets to enter a lottery for prizes. we spent the whole night play at the crap table. it was the first time i had ever played. it's a real social game so it can be pretty fun. we ended up breaking even at the end of the night but didn't win any prizes aside from the door prize everyone got, a fancy company water container.
this weekend, i sent most of my time playing mom to qtpi. i'm trying to train her to go running in the morning. i even got her to run a bit with a harness and leash on. she's currently learning the sit command. the words she hears a lot now are "outside", "potty", "good girl", "paw check", "no!", "sit", and "kennel".. hopefully she'll move onto "stay", "lay down", "fetch", and "pay bills"... hehehe. j/k on the last one. i wish.
okie doke, the christmas cards are done printing and are in their envelopes. i just need to fill them out which is the most time consuming part because i try to write mini-letters in them. so i'm going to do the hard part tomorrow when i'm more awake. need to get some sleep, have a meeting with my boss in the morning.
Tuesday, December 2, 2003
QTPI
oy. i just finished a busy two weeks. the first week i had to work an 80 hour week to complete some stuff before my thanksgiving vacation. i wasn't officially on vacation until midnight that Sunday.
j and i left for Louisiana that Monday. we were going to spend the first half of the week with his parents and his father's side of the family. the place were were staying at was near this man made lake. j kept trying to trick me into thinking we were staying at some run-down trailer. i about died. he also tried to convince me that there was no hot water.
the lake house we stayed at was a modified double wide trailer with extensions around the house built by his uncle. it was actually really nice and you couldn't tell it wasn't a house.
his uncle brought a whole litter of puppies to the dear camp where he and jeremy's dad stayed. the men usually say in the another house in the woods near where they hunt. the puppies mom was a lab and there were three father's we think. a rottweiller, a cahula cur, and maybe another lab. there was this one puppy that was kind of a loner and a total cutie. his uncle called it cutie pie.
yup. j wouldn't put the dog down and on thanksgiving day after we finished eating, he decided that we would take it home.
i have never been a fan of dogs. they tend to freak me out. i've hardly ever met a good dog. so i'm very weary of this one. she's a very good puppy so far. she doesn't bark or yelp if we are in it's sight. its mother doesn't bark nor does its grandfather. we hope she picks up that trait.
it's been a whole load of new responsibilities. it's like being a mom for the first time. it's a life altering event for owner's who plan on being active. i mean to be strict with her. no biting or licking. no growling or barking. if that makes me a mean doggy owner then so be it. i hate dogs that are out of control and i mean for this one to be sweet and in line.
oh. her name is qtpi.. (cutie pie) that's actually be the mathematical PI sign but i don't' know how to do that in live journal. she's five weeks old going on six weeks tomororw.
j and i left for Louisiana that Monday. we were going to spend the first half of the week with his parents and his father's side of the family. the place were were staying at was near this man made lake. j kept trying to trick me into thinking we were staying at some run-down trailer. i about died. he also tried to convince me that there was no hot water.
the lake house we stayed at was a modified double wide trailer with extensions around the house built by his uncle. it was actually really nice and you couldn't tell it wasn't a house.
his uncle brought a whole litter of puppies to the dear camp where he and jeremy's dad stayed. the men usually say in the another house in the woods near where they hunt. the puppies mom was a lab and there were three father's we think. a rottweiller, a cahula cur, and maybe another lab. there was this one puppy that was kind of a loner and a total cutie. his uncle called it cutie pie.
yup. j wouldn't put the dog down and on thanksgiving day after we finished eating, he decided that we would take it home.
i have never been a fan of dogs. they tend to freak me out. i've hardly ever met a good dog. so i'm very weary of this one. she's a very good puppy so far. she doesn't bark or yelp if we are in it's sight. its mother doesn't bark nor does its grandfather. we hope she picks up that trait.
it's been a whole load of new responsibilities. it's like being a mom for the first time. it's a life altering event for owner's who plan on being active. i mean to be strict with her. no biting or licking. no growling or barking. if that makes me a mean doggy owner then so be it. i hate dogs that are out of control and i mean for this one to be sweet and in line.
oh. her name is qtpi.. (cutie pie) that's actually be the mathematical PI sign but i don't' know how to do that in live journal. she's five weeks old going on six weeks tomororw.
Monday, November 17, 2003
darkness falls
now it's pouring rain...
that winnie the pooh song keeps popping into my head..
"and the rain rain rain came down down down..."
i'm supposed to meet jeremy at the mall after work to help him pick out some spectacles. he doesn't trust his own tastes. :0
the sky is a muddy grey. it's getting darker by the minute. i expect the world outside to turn black soon. a blanket of cold.
damn. i wish i were at home.
that winnie the pooh song keeps popping into my head..
"and the rain rain rain came down down down..."
i'm supposed to meet jeremy at the mall after work to help him pick out some spectacles. he doesn't trust his own tastes. :0
the sky is a muddy grey. it's getting darker by the minute. i expect the world outside to turn black soon. a blanket of cold.
damn. i wish i were at home.
stay awake
i'm at work right now, trying to stay awake. i just opened up a dr. pepper i brought to work. hopefully that will help me out a little. my eyes keep drooping. my head hurts from me fighting it from shutting down. this is my daily food coma battle.
it's a bit dreary and damp outside. it's been drizzling all day. the sun came out around one o'clock but tucked back away ten minutes later. these types of days are best spent underneath the covers reading a good book or watching the food channel.
it's a bit dreary and damp outside. it's been drizzling all day. the sun came out around one o'clock but tucked back away ten minutes later. these types of days are best spent underneath the covers reading a good book or watching the food channel.
Sunday, November 16, 2003
bush-speak
hahaha. i want this calendar.
click on picture to head to www.bushcalendar.com
*see 15 sample pages
hahaha.. someone posted...
"it's amazing that his brain generates enough power to keep his legs moving."
okay. so maybe it's not nice to make fun of people for their mistakes but hell, he's our president. if we can't count on him to lead this country then we should at least be able to use him for a good laugh.
click on picture to head to www.bushcalendar.com
*see 15 sample pages
hahaha.. someone posted...
"it's amazing that his brain generates enough power to keep his legs moving."
okay. so maybe it's not nice to make fun of people for their mistakes but hell, he's our president. if we can't count on him to lead this country then we should at least be able to use him for a good laugh.
Saturday, November 15, 2003
phone posts
hella cool.
i've been in a cave or something cuz i just found out about phone posts that can be made through live journal if you have a paid account.
posted his first phone post today. i messed up and thought it was a way in which you can text message people's phones. it turned out that you can download their message and play it on winamp or some other media player. then other users can transcribe the message on the post.
i'll have to test that out.
i've been in a cave or something cuz i just found out about phone posts that can be made through live journal if you have a paid account.
i'll have to test that out.
Friday, November 14, 2003
flu shot
sometime during lunch today, jeremy and i are supposed to take an hour or so off of work to get our flu shots. there's a fire station near our condo that's giving them out for free today between 1 and 4pm. then we'll just eat lunch at home. we hardly ever take our lunch breaks together since our work places aren't too close. plus, i normally eat lunch at work.
everyone at my work is slowly getting sick. i'm paranoid around them now. i'm a compulsive hand washer and it always escalates whenever i'm around sick people. part of my daily morning routine consists of drinking emergen-C. it pumps me full of 1000 percent of my daily vitamin C requirements and a crap load of other vities.
i just woke up a while ago. about to hop into the shower, get dressed, and make my lunch. i'm so glad today is Friday. i want to sleep in tomorrow morning.
everyone at my work is slowly getting sick. i'm paranoid around them now. i'm a compulsive hand washer and it always escalates whenever i'm around sick people. part of my daily morning routine consists of drinking emergen-C. it pumps me full of 1000 percent of my daily vitamin C requirements and a crap load of other vities.
i just woke up a while ago. about to hop into the shower, get dressed, and make my lunch. i'm so glad today is Friday. i want to sleep in tomorrow morning.
Thursday, November 13, 2003
guilty cats
(click on pic to see larger)
Guilty! I don't know what they did but look at their faces! Guilty I say.
thin, not thin
i just ate my lunch. i had my usual peanut butter and jelly sandwich, baked ruffle chips, and 4 snackwell vanilla sandwich cookies. i'll have my diet dr. pepper around 3pm. it's my second desert. :D
i brought two chocolate chip cookies that i baked the other night for a snack. i shouldn't be eating those but i can't stop myself. plus, john and jeremy are NOT help themselves to my goodies. so it's up to me to finish them off.
go figure that i would have a passion for baking and live with two people who are not passionate about desert. i love desert. sometimes i wish i could just eat cookies and ice cream for the rest of my life.
but you know, i said the same thing about mcdonald's fries and chocolate milkshakes before. i get really annoyed with the whole obsession over weight.. mainly, my obsession over it. i thought that i would be happy and content by now. i was completely satisfied with my weight when i was 35 pounds heavier...until some people told me that i shouldn't be. i kept thinking to myself, i'll be happy after i lose ten pounds. and so forth. i've lost a crap load of weight since i started but i'm still not anymore content with my body than i was when i was eating hamburgers and fries. i keep thinking to myself that it's not enough.. that there's still extra chunk there. i look at these waifs and wonder, how they hell they survive? how can you be 5'6 and only weight 90 - 100 pounds? how is that considered living?
i could try out being a vegetarian but that seems so absurd. why on earth would anyone in their right mind block out an entire food group from their plate? how can you not crave steak?
i dunno. i fluctuate every day.. content, discontented , proud, disgusted...
the mirror stopped being my real friend since i turned 13.
i brought two chocolate chip cookies that i baked the other night for a snack. i shouldn't be eating those but i can't stop myself. plus, john and jeremy are NOT help themselves to my goodies. so it's up to me to finish them off.
go figure that i would have a passion for baking and live with two people who are not passionate about desert. i love desert. sometimes i wish i could just eat cookies and ice cream for the rest of my life.
but you know, i said the same thing about mcdonald's fries and chocolate milkshakes before. i get really annoyed with the whole obsession over weight.. mainly, my obsession over it. i thought that i would be happy and content by now. i was completely satisfied with my weight when i was 35 pounds heavier...until some people told me that i shouldn't be. i kept thinking to myself, i'll be happy after i lose ten pounds. and so forth. i've lost a crap load of weight since i started but i'm still not anymore content with my body than i was when i was eating hamburgers and fries. i keep thinking to myself that it's not enough.. that there's still extra chunk there. i look at these waifs and wonder, how they hell they survive? how can you be 5'6 and only weight 90 - 100 pounds? how is that considered living?
i could try out being a vegetarian but that seems so absurd. why on earth would anyone in their right mind block out an entire food group from their plate? how can you not crave steak?
i dunno. i fluctuate every day.. content, discontented , proud, disgusted...
the mirror stopped being my real friend since i turned 13.
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
give or take?
i spent all day at work trying to get lost in my mind so i wouldn't have to focus on the things i need to be doing. every day, i write a list of things i need to do. every morning, i look at the list and wonder why i can't check anything off. i keep wondering what the definition of life is. are things supposed to be balanced? is it necessary to have to work in order to enjoy the fruits of your labor?
i want to believe in karma. i'd like to think that things are in direct relationships with each other. that in order to get something, you must earn it. in order to take, you must give. it's easier to justify things that way.
however, i'm not blind. i can see clearly that things are not balanced as such. not everyone has to work for their livelihood and not everyone that does work has enough for a good lively hood.
at the end of the day, i have chores to do. at the beginning of the day, i have work to go to. somewhere in between, i get to rest and do things that are "fun." am i really earning that "fun"?
can that "fun" exist without me working for it? do you have to put in time, to enjoy time?
damn it. what i really want to know is, am i a bad person if i play games on the computer instead of doing the laundry. >:P
hehehe. i love to throw out the mundane every now and then....
*sigh*....
jerms had rediscovered gambling in diablo II. he keeps bugging me for money. we should be playing Wolf ET but we're not. i should be playing diablo II but i'm surfing the net looking for that elusive "something"...
i want to believe in karma. i'd like to think that things are in direct relationships with each other. that in order to get something, you must earn it. in order to take, you must give. it's easier to justify things that way.
however, i'm not blind. i can see clearly that things are not balanced as such. not everyone has to work for their livelihood and not everyone that does work has enough for a good lively hood.
at the end of the day, i have chores to do. at the beginning of the day, i have work to go to. somewhere in between, i get to rest and do things that are "fun." am i really earning that "fun"?
can that "fun" exist without me working for it? do you have to put in time, to enjoy time?
damn it. what i really want to know is, am i a bad person if i play games on the computer instead of doing the laundry. >:P
hehehe. i love to throw out the mundane every now and then....
*sigh*....
jerms had rediscovered gambling in diablo II. he keeps bugging me for money. we should be playing Wolf ET but we're not. i should be playing diablo II but i'm surfing the net looking for that elusive "something"...
no eyes, no ears, no voice, no fears.
hey j,
are you out there? i'm so tired. i am so very tired. i'm tired because the days won't let me go and the nights won't let me rest. i feel like every breath is part of a rule i am abiding to. it's all so dreary and yet i so want to be deleriously amused with my life. but that's just not to be. not yet anyhow. i feel like an empty vessel. i could so easily slip away from myself. i could so easily just give in and dissapear into the mundane.
i'm so tired of the ignorance. so bored with the tediousness of listening to these helpless beings. why are they so weak? it's so easy to simply march, to get your shit together and move forward. but they can't. and they annoy me. and that probably makes me a bad person. but i'll mask my anger and hatred with an abundant amount of sweet gestures and good intentions.
i am so bad. i am good. i am tired of being both. i like the idea of writing to you because i know you can't hear me. i know you. you can't see beyond simplicity. and that's a good thing. because i'd hate for us both to be trapped in my hell.
are you out there? i'm so tired. i am so very tired. i'm tired because the days won't let me go and the nights won't let me rest. i feel like every breath is part of a rule i am abiding to. it's all so dreary and yet i so want to be deleriously amused with my life. but that's just not to be. not yet anyhow. i feel like an empty vessel. i could so easily slip away from myself. i could so easily just give in and dissapear into the mundane.
i'm so tired of the ignorance. so bored with the tediousness of listening to these helpless beings. why are they so weak? it's so easy to simply march, to get your shit together and move forward. but they can't. and they annoy me. and that probably makes me a bad person. but i'll mask my anger and hatred with an abundant amount of sweet gestures and good intentions.
i am so bad. i am good. i am tired of being both. i like the idea of writing to you because i know you can't hear me. i know you. you can't see beyond simplicity. and that's a good thing. because i'd hate for us both to be trapped in my hell.
Monday, November 10, 2003
w-i-i-i-i-i-red
okie smokie. so now it's almost 3am in the morning and i am completely wired. i guess this is what i get for drinking 3 dr. pepper's in a row. what was i thinking?
i have to get up for work by 8am. ouch. oy. yuck. but since i feel like i have all of this energy, i'm going to go ahead and pack my lunch for tomorrow and take a shower.
i finished the webpage i was working on. it's for some heat exchanger company my brother does some free-lance computer services for. jeremy started up a new character in diablo and played all night till about 1am. he tried to start a hardcore character but he couldn't figure out how. hardcore characters are pretty scary because once you die in a game, your character is dead for good. no resurection, no nothing.
we are supposed to be practicing Wolfenstein ET but no one on our team is playing right now.
i guess we'll get back to it before the next season of matches start.
-----------------------------------------
we went to bed, bath, and beyond today. it's one of my most favorite stores. i got a set of spring form pans, a 5 cup sifter, a lint-removing roller, and a bulb in a vase. you're supposed to add water to the bulb and it grows into a bundle of flowers. i hope it works. every time i go to that store, i get very depressed. there's just so much i want and i know i can't have it for a very long time. mostly, i want nice things to entertain people with. i'd love to have nice silverware, place settings, and complete sets of plates, cups, and napkins. *sigh* another year or two i suppose.
hmmm. i guess i better try and do my business and get some sleep. i'm going to pay for all of this dearly in the morning. maybe i'll have to drink 5 dr. pepper's in a row in the morning to make up for it! :)
i have to get up for work by 8am. ouch. oy. yuck. but since i feel like i have all of this energy, i'm going to go ahead and pack my lunch for tomorrow and take a shower.
i finished the webpage i was working on. it's for some heat exchanger company my brother does some free-lance computer services for. jeremy started up a new character in diablo and played all night till about 1am. he tried to start a hardcore character but he couldn't figure out how. hardcore characters are pretty scary because once you die in a game, your character is dead for good. no resurection, no nothing.
we are supposed to be practicing Wolfenstein ET but no one on our team is playing right now.
i guess we'll get back to it before the next season of matches start.
-----------------------------------------
we went to bed, bath, and beyond today. it's one of my most favorite stores. i got a set of spring form pans, a 5 cup sifter, a lint-removing roller, and a bulb in a vase. you're supposed to add water to the bulb and it grows into a bundle of flowers. i hope it works. every time i go to that store, i get very depressed. there's just so much i want and i know i can't have it for a very long time. mostly, i want nice things to entertain people with. i'd love to have nice silverware, place settings, and complete sets of plates, cups, and napkins. *sigh* another year or two i suppose.
hmmm. i guess i better try and do my business and get some sleep. i'm going to pay for all of this dearly in the morning. maybe i'll have to drink 5 dr. pepper's in a row in the morning to make up for it! :)
Sunday, November 9, 2003
diet dr. pepper and old-school game, diablo II
i've been bad today. i'm on my third dr. pepper. granted, it's diet dr. pepper but it still makes me feel guilty. plus, i baked chocolate chip cookies and had three huge ones. all of this coming after eating a bbq steak and pork loin dinner.
my philosophy when i was in college was, if you can't enjoy eating, what's the point of living?
now my philosophy is, the scale is your enemy.
so i'm sipping on my diet dr. pepper right now and working on some free-lance web page designs. tables drive me crazy. i wish had some webpage software that would just do it for me. i'm sure there are some out there, i just don't know about them.
i so wish that today was Friday night instead of Sunday night. i don't want to go to work tomorrow. i'd rather stay up all night working on the web design stuff.
this weekend, jeremy got an urge to pick up diablo II for some reason. we haven't played that game in years. so we installed it on both of our computers and are starting it back up for fun. so far, i'm just a level 10 amazon. too bad, bnet doesn't save your characters from years ago. we were god-like back then. oh well, jerm's new goal is to fight uber-diablo. fun stuff.
my philosophy when i was in college was, if you can't enjoy eating, what's the point of living?
now my philosophy is, the scale is your enemy.
so i'm sipping on my diet dr. pepper right now and working on some free-lance web page designs. tables drive me crazy. i wish had some webpage software that would just do it for me. i'm sure there are some out there, i just don't know about them.
i so wish that today was Friday night instead of Sunday night. i don't want to go to work tomorrow. i'd rather stay up all night working on the web design stuff.
this weekend, jeremy got an urge to pick up diablo II for some reason. we haven't played that game in years. so we installed it on both of our computers and are starting it back up for fun. so far, i'm just a level 10 amazon. too bad, bnet doesn't save your characters from years ago. we were god-like back then. oh well, jerm's new goal is to fight uber-diablo. fun stuff.
Saturday, November 8, 2003
just brakes
oy. how i do hate auto repair issues.
last night, ren, myself, jeremy, john, and john's friend justin had a matrix marathon at our house.
john and justin only stayed for the first movie but ren, jerms, and i lasted through the second. it got us pumped for the finale.
so today we got up and left the house around 9am. we picked ren and justin up and headed to Just Brakes. We needed to drop off john's car to get his brakes fixed. the way my dad put it, it seemed we would just drop the damn thing off and come back a few hours later and it would be fixed. no such luck. when we first got there, i hopped out to talk to the mechanic about what was wrong with john's car. the rest of the guy's waited in jeremy's car.
i told the guy what was wrong. when you push the brake pedal down, the car does not stop. and also there is a weird air hissing sound coming front he pedal. they guy said, yup i bet it's a power booster problem. when john arrived with his car, they took it for a test drive. the guy came back and said that the car was driving fine. that should have been the first indication that things were going to be bad.
they said they were going to do a full bleed on the brakes and then tell us what was wrong. the inspection cost 27.00. it also took 30 minutes. by that time, most of the people waiting were getting impatient. i didn't hear them complain cuz i was inside but i know i would have been. finally, a service counter guy began talking to us. he told us that he thinks our master cylinder that we had replaced recently was refurbished and not new. he said that refurbished cylinders have all kinds of problems and never ever last. we asked him how sure he was that it was a refurbished one and he said that he couldn't make any guarantees but that he was 80% sure. he went on to explain that the container at the top looked old and used and that if it was a new cylinder then it would have a new top as well.
anyhow, we ended up having the shoes and caliper or whatever replaced along with most of the other periphery brake parts. they had a 99 dollar special for it. they said they'd do a further inspection on it while that was being done.
so we went to go see the matrix while they did their business. frustration was building.
we got to the theater around 10:10 or so and got tickets for the 10:20 showing. we got to see a lot of good previews. LOTRs III of course is a must see. I'd like to see The Alamo looked pretty cool but of course we all know they all die. Last Samurai is a must see because we love all things Japanese EVEN though it has Tom Cruise in it.
the matrix met my expectations. i thought it was a great ending to a great epic. i only wished the new star wars trilogy was half that good. the battle scene was phenomenal. the mech warriors rocked my world and the final matrix battle was extremely impressive. fun with water. yeah. that's all i'll say for now. a truly great finale for a truly awesome 6 hour movie as i am calling it. that's how i read the matrix trilogy, as one long great movie. i think that's how a lot of people go wrong with this series. they expected to see three separate distinct movies. it's all part of one long stream of consciousness. the first part was the awakening, the second was the discovery, and the third was the resolve.
it all fits just grand in my book. critics be damned.
so. after the movie, we went back to Just Brakes to find out about the car. once again, we left our friends and jerm's to wait in his car. after taking off the tires and inspecting it and told us that the problem was with the rear wheel cylinders. that they were leaking and needed to be replaced. so yeah, you guessed it, more money ($500 bucks). we asked them if they thought that these repairs would fix the problem, and the counter guy said yeah. he kept pushing us to replace the master cylinder. but we wouldn't budge yet. we told him to fix the rear cylinder and other associated parts and we'd test it after that.
so we came back around 4pm to pick up the car. the guy was ready to ring us up when john asked to test drive it before we paid. the guy was like "yeah sure, but you're paying either way."
what the hell? how you gonna go and charge someone for a service when you can't guarantee quality or even if the damn thing works? the counter guy said that it was tested and that everything was fine. damn lazy ass mechanics. they'll do the least amount of work possible.
so john went for a test drive and i stayed and talked with the guy. i thought everything was going to be okay. oy. nope. john came back and was like, "man, i don't know what brakes should do but i don't think they should be like this. it's the same as it was before."
so the guy said he'd take it for a drive and check it out himself. we went with him. i didn't take him but one brake try to see that something was wrong. plus he was like, "hmm, there's this air hissing sound. i know what that means. it means that there is something wrong with the power booster." i was like, "uh, i told the mechanic that when i first got here!"
he was like, "well, i'm sorry but i wish i had known that." so we went back to the shop and he priced a power booster for us. another $400 dollars. by this time, john was getting very pissed off. then he went off to talk to my dad about all of this which of course was only going to get him more angry. i stayed and talked with the guy. i was like "how come you're the only one who noticed that there was a problem? even your mechanics said there's nothing wrong." he was like "well i've been doing this and fixing brakes for many years." and i was like "yeah, but come one. it doesn't take a mechanical genius to figure out there's something wrong with those brakes." then i asked him some questions about the parts. i wanted to know if there was any real evidence that the master cylinders were refurbished.
while he was explaining his evidence to me (which to me didn't add up) john came back pretty peeved. he was like "look, if we get this stuff done and replaced the master cylinder, is this thing going to work? i do not want to have spent all of this money and it not work. if something needs to be fixed, you need to tell me up front. i don't want to have to keep finding out something else needs to be replaced..." he goes on and on bitching the guy out about how he want to make SURE that it's going to work. that they shouldn't be giving us back the car when the brakes don't work. etc. of course after that, the guy comes down on the price of the master cylinder. another 60 bucks.
however, in the end, we're gonna get screwed out of 1000 bucks. i was like "look Will (the guy's name), right there the sheet. Air sound at front pedal. i told the guy up front." he just kinda sighed and was like "yeah, i'm sorry, wish i had known."
now i'm totally suspicious about everything. i bet there was nothing wrong with the rear wheel cylinder. i bet it was the power booster all along. and i bet there is absolutely nothing wrong with the master cylinder. so anyhow, john's basically getting a completely new brake system for his car.
we told the guy though, when we come back to get the car, it better work.
i'm going to write them later to let them know what happened. i mean, how can you give someone back a car that doesn't work. their mission statement says: Our mission is to assure a safe braking system in every customer�s vehicle by consistently performing high quality, dependable brake repair and service.
well if that's true, they failed.
so blah blah blah. foo foo foo. i hate auto repair messes. we need to learn how to fix cars ourselves. you just can't trust mechanics... nor should you ever.
last night, ren, myself, jeremy, john, and john's friend justin had a matrix marathon at our house.
john and justin only stayed for the first movie but ren, jerms, and i lasted through the second. it got us pumped for the finale.
so today we got up and left the house around 9am. we picked ren and justin up and headed to Just Brakes. We needed to drop off john's car to get his brakes fixed. the way my dad put it, it seemed we would just drop the damn thing off and come back a few hours later and it would be fixed. no such luck. when we first got there, i hopped out to talk to the mechanic about what was wrong with john's car. the rest of the guy's waited in jeremy's car.
i told the guy what was wrong. when you push the brake pedal down, the car does not stop. and also there is a weird air hissing sound coming front he pedal. they guy said, yup i bet it's a power booster problem. when john arrived with his car, they took it for a test drive. the guy came back and said that the car was driving fine. that should have been the first indication that things were going to be bad.
they said they were going to do a full bleed on the brakes and then tell us what was wrong. the inspection cost 27.00. it also took 30 minutes. by that time, most of the people waiting were getting impatient. i didn't hear them complain cuz i was inside but i know i would have been. finally, a service counter guy began talking to us. he told us that he thinks our master cylinder that we had replaced recently was refurbished and not new. he said that refurbished cylinders have all kinds of problems and never ever last. we asked him how sure he was that it was a refurbished one and he said that he couldn't make any guarantees but that he was 80% sure. he went on to explain that the container at the top looked old and used and that if it was a new cylinder then it would have a new top as well.
anyhow, we ended up having the shoes and caliper or whatever replaced along with most of the other periphery brake parts. they had a 99 dollar special for it. they said they'd do a further inspection on it while that was being done.
so we went to go see the matrix while they did their business. frustration was building.
we got to the theater around 10:10 or so and got tickets for the 10:20 showing. we got to see a lot of good previews. LOTRs III of course is a must see. I'd like to see The Alamo looked pretty cool but of course we all know they all die. Last Samurai is a must see because we love all things Japanese EVEN though it has Tom Cruise in it.
the matrix met my expectations. i thought it was a great ending to a great epic. i only wished the new star wars trilogy was half that good. the battle scene was phenomenal. the mech warriors rocked my world and the final matrix battle was extremely impressive. fun with water. yeah. that's all i'll say for now. a truly great finale for a truly awesome 6 hour movie as i am calling it. that's how i read the matrix trilogy, as one long great movie. i think that's how a lot of people go wrong with this series. they expected to see three separate distinct movies. it's all part of one long stream of consciousness. the first part was the awakening, the second was the discovery, and the third was the resolve.
it all fits just grand in my book. critics be damned.
so. after the movie, we went back to Just Brakes to find out about the car. once again, we left our friends and jerm's to wait in his car. after taking off the tires and inspecting it and told us that the problem was with the rear wheel cylinders. that they were leaking and needed to be replaced. so yeah, you guessed it, more money ($500 bucks). we asked them if they thought that these repairs would fix the problem, and the counter guy said yeah. he kept pushing us to replace the master cylinder. but we wouldn't budge yet. we told him to fix the rear cylinder and other associated parts and we'd test it after that.
so we came back around 4pm to pick up the car. the guy was ready to ring us up when john asked to test drive it before we paid. the guy was like "yeah sure, but you're paying either way."
what the hell? how you gonna go and charge someone for a service when you can't guarantee quality or even if the damn thing works? the counter guy said that it was tested and that everything was fine. damn lazy ass mechanics. they'll do the least amount of work possible.
so john went for a test drive and i stayed and talked with the guy. i thought everything was going to be okay. oy. nope. john came back and was like, "man, i don't know what brakes should do but i don't think they should be like this. it's the same as it was before."
so the guy said he'd take it for a drive and check it out himself. we went with him. i didn't take him but one brake try to see that something was wrong. plus he was like, "hmm, there's this air hissing sound. i know what that means. it means that there is something wrong with the power booster." i was like, "uh, i told the mechanic that when i first got here!"
he was like, "well, i'm sorry but i wish i had known that." so we went back to the shop and he priced a power booster for us. another $400 dollars. by this time, john was getting very pissed off. then he went off to talk to my dad about all of this which of course was only going to get him more angry. i stayed and talked with the guy. i was like "how come you're the only one who noticed that there was a problem? even your mechanics said there's nothing wrong." he was like "well i've been doing this and fixing brakes for many years." and i was like "yeah, but come one. it doesn't take a mechanical genius to figure out there's something wrong with those brakes." then i asked him some questions about the parts. i wanted to know if there was any real evidence that the master cylinders were refurbished.
while he was explaining his evidence to me (which to me didn't add up) john came back pretty peeved. he was like "look, if we get this stuff done and replaced the master cylinder, is this thing going to work? i do not want to have spent all of this money and it not work. if something needs to be fixed, you need to tell me up front. i don't want to have to keep finding out something else needs to be replaced..." he goes on and on bitching the guy out about how he want to make SURE that it's going to work. that they shouldn't be giving us back the car when the brakes don't work. etc. of course after that, the guy comes down on the price of the master cylinder. another 60 bucks.
however, in the end, we're gonna get screwed out of 1000 bucks. i was like "look Will (the guy's name), right there the sheet. Air sound at front pedal. i told the guy up front." he just kinda sighed and was like "yeah, i'm sorry, wish i had known."
now i'm totally suspicious about everything. i bet there was nothing wrong with the rear wheel cylinder. i bet it was the power booster all along. and i bet there is absolutely nothing wrong with the master cylinder. so anyhow, john's basically getting a completely new brake system for his car.
we told the guy though, when we come back to get the car, it better work.
i'm going to write them later to let them know what happened. i mean, how can you give someone back a car that doesn't work. their mission statement says: Our mission is to assure a safe braking system in every customer�s vehicle by consistently performing high quality, dependable brake repair and service.
well if that's true, they failed.
so blah blah blah. foo foo foo. i hate auto repair messes. we need to learn how to fix cars ourselves. you just can't trust mechanics... nor should you ever.
Thursday, November 6, 2003
prozac nation
how do you become a happy person. are you born a happy person or are you raised as a happy person. what makes someone naturally pessimistic?
some mornings i can wake up and convince myself to look forward to the day. those times are rare. and even when i do, i feel like i had to coax myself. why is that? and even if i could be, would i want to be one of the happy people? have these people somehow fooled their mind's eye to see the world in a certain way?
but then again, i'm not saying that living life day to day on a super low is good either. but obviously it's not all bad considering i haven't off-ed myself yet. but just because i don't want to hang myself, doesn't mean that life is a ball.
i'm not depressed. i just don't always look forward to living each day.
some mornings i can wake up and convince myself to look forward to the day. those times are rare. and even when i do, i feel like i had to coax myself. why is that? and even if i could be, would i want to be one of the happy people? have these people somehow fooled their mind's eye to see the world in a certain way?
but then again, i'm not saying that living life day to day on a super low is good either. but obviously it's not all bad considering i haven't off-ed myself yet. but just because i don't want to hang myself, doesn't mean that life is a ball.
i'm not depressed. i just don't always look forward to living each day.
Tuesday, November 4, 2003
usurper/halloween/wedding/matrix/pictures
Identity
hmmm. someone has been usurping my identity on some weezer forum. i think the whole thing is kinda funny and insulting at the same time. all things not weezer
i'm kinda flattered that they chose to use my identity, at least my physical form...but also kinda insulted. he or she posted my picture and then said "i wish i were pretty". hahahaha. at least my dead webpage has some use. i haven't had the motivation to work on it at all. i barely have myself going to live journal anymore. i have a zillion pictures i want to post. oh well. i don't have much time with my job. i chose a career over life. :)
------------------------------------
Halloween
i meant to do a post on halloween. guess i'lld o that now even though i've lost most of my agnst.
ren and i went out to 6th street like we did last year. he dressed up as a warrior but ended up looking like a bloody psycho killer which worked well too. we walked around 6th street for awhile checking out costumes. we saw a guy dressed as a pig wearing a police uniform. he was standing next to the cops. hahah. that's gotta take guts. then we spotted the justice league (basically all of the super heros) and ran around after them like fanatics. "ooh ooh! there's flash! loook looook, it's superman!" it's a shame we didn't bring a camera. not that i would have time to post them. :) we ended up going to paradox, a hip hop dance club. it sucked booty. the whole night, disgusting loser guys tried to grind us. men are dogs. wolf wolf wolf. it's probably the last time we go to a straight club and definitely the last time we go to a hip hop club. not to mention they charged us a fortune at the door. we kept on dancing though and got our money's worth.
this halloween we didn't get that many trick or treaters. i passed out handfulls of candy. some of the kids were so cute. what bothers me is when i finish putting candy in the kid's bag and then the parents put THEIR own bag in my face. i'm like "how old are you?" ah well, i give candy to all... i do not discriminate when it comes to sweets. i carved a pumpkin with a silly face the night before halloween so it wouldn't rot. it was my beacon to all the kids so they'd come a'knockin.
i'll post the pics of mr. jacko down below.
------------------------------------
The Celebration of Marriage Of Letitia Eileen Phalen and Gerardo Noel Huerta
i.e. the wedding that would not end.
yup, i went to another wedding of yet another couple i don't know. that's 3 of 3 now. this time it was jeremy's mother's first cousin who got married. the ceremony was held in a catholic chapel in san antonio. the ceremony lasted an hour and a half. i have no further comments on that. the reception was held at the Lackland Air Force Base. the hall was really nice and they had free coke and sprite. they didn't open up the buffet line until well past 9pm. we were the first in line because our table was the closest. the last person to get their plate of food was at 11pm or something ridiculous like that. i enjoyed spending time with jerm's family. they always crack me up. the bride was amazing. at the end of the evening, i found out she was 40 years old. i thought she was in her late 20s! i posted some pics of her so you can see. but anyhow, weddings like this make me not want to have a wedding. eeeeeeeeeeeeeelooooooooooope! woo woo. i wish.
------------------------------------
The Matrix Revolutions
if you don't like video games, flashy special effects actions, don't watch this movie you dumb ass moron. i just read the cnn review of the matrix. i haven't seen the movie yet. we're going to watch it on thursday, i believe. i just get annoyed when a movie gets critisized for its very essence. it would be like someone critisizing a disney movie for having cheesy songs. get over it. blah blah blah.
------------------------------------
Now onto the pics:
meet jacko.
me and my jacko. my jacko and me.
going to the wedding. i like this pic cuz my head looks like a melon.
jeremy's mother's first cousin Letitia and her new husband Gerardo Huerta
Letitia and some friend or family member of hers- jeremy's mom took the pic
hmmm. someone has been usurping my identity on some weezer forum. i think the whole thing is kinda funny and insulting at the same time. all things not weezer
i'm kinda flattered that they chose to use my identity, at least my physical form...but also kinda insulted. he or she posted my picture and then said "i wish i were pretty". hahahaha. at least my dead webpage has some use. i haven't had the motivation to work on it at all. i barely have myself going to live journal anymore. i have a zillion pictures i want to post. oh well. i don't have much time with my job. i chose a career over life. :)
Halloween
i meant to do a post on halloween. guess i'lld o that now even though i've lost most of my agnst.
ren and i went out to 6th street like we did last year. he dressed up as a warrior but ended up looking like a bloody psycho killer which worked well too. we walked around 6th street for awhile checking out costumes. we saw a guy dressed as a pig wearing a police uniform. he was standing next to the cops. hahah. that's gotta take guts. then we spotted the justice league (basically all of the super heros) and ran around after them like fanatics. "ooh ooh! there's flash! loook looook, it's superman!" it's a shame we didn't bring a camera. not that i would have time to post them. :) we ended up going to paradox, a hip hop dance club. it sucked booty. the whole night, disgusting loser guys tried to grind us. men are dogs. wolf wolf wolf. it's probably the last time we go to a straight club and definitely the last time we go to a hip hop club. not to mention they charged us a fortune at the door. we kept on dancing though and got our money's worth.
this halloween we didn't get that many trick or treaters. i passed out handfulls of candy. some of the kids were so cute. what bothers me is when i finish putting candy in the kid's bag and then the parents put THEIR own bag in my face. i'm like "how old are you?" ah well, i give candy to all... i do not discriminate when it comes to sweets. i carved a pumpkin with a silly face the night before halloween so it wouldn't rot. it was my beacon to all the kids so they'd come a'knockin.
i'll post the pics of mr. jacko down below.
The Celebration of Marriage Of Letitia Eileen Phalen and Gerardo Noel Huerta
i.e. the wedding that would not end.
yup, i went to another wedding of yet another couple i don't know. that's 3 of 3 now. this time it was jeremy's mother's first cousin who got married. the ceremony was held in a catholic chapel in san antonio. the ceremony lasted an hour and a half. i have no further comments on that. the reception was held at the Lackland Air Force Base. the hall was really nice and they had free coke and sprite. they didn't open up the buffet line until well past 9pm. we were the first in line because our table was the closest. the last person to get their plate of food was at 11pm or something ridiculous like that. i enjoyed spending time with jerm's family. they always crack me up. the bride was amazing. at the end of the evening, i found out she was 40 years old. i thought she was in her late 20s! i posted some pics of her so you can see. but anyhow, weddings like this make me not want to have a wedding. eeeeeeeeeeeeeelooooooooooope! woo woo. i wish.
The Matrix Revolutions
if you don't like video games, flashy special effects actions, don't watch this movie you dumb ass moron. i just read the cnn review of the matrix. i haven't seen the movie yet. we're going to watch it on thursday, i believe. i just get annoyed when a movie gets critisized for its very essence. it would be like someone critisizing a disney movie for having cheesy songs. get over it. blah blah blah.
Now onto the pics:
meet jacko.
me and my jacko. my jacko and me.
going to the wedding. i like this pic cuz my head looks like a melon.
jeremy's mother's first cousin Letitia and her new husband Gerardo Huerta
Letitia and some friend or family member of hers- jeremy's mom took the pic
Thursday, October 30, 2003
witch cupcakes
so i threw a little office halloween party on monday. i made these little witch cupcakes for them. i saw the cupcake in a craft magazine and so i tried it out. i wish i had taken pictures of the layout i did at the office. all of the witches had their hats on and i put them each on a halloween pumpkin plate. i then added candy and treats around them.
so here they are. my little witches. the last picture of the army of witches shows them without their hats on which isn't as impressive. the eyes are made out of red mini-M&Ms, the nose is a candy corn, and the mouth, eye brows and hair are made out of black licorice. i was supposed to use the pull apart stringy kind buy they didn't have any at our grocery store. i used food coloring to make the vanilla icing green. the cupcake itseslf is chocolate devil's food cake.
so here they are. my little witches. the last picture of the army of witches shows them without their hats on which isn't as impressive. the eyes are made out of red mini-M&Ms, the nose is a candy corn, and the mouth, eye brows and hair are made out of black licorice. i was supposed to use the pull apart stringy kind buy they didn't have any at our grocery store. i used food coloring to make the vanilla icing green. the cupcake itseslf is chocolate devil's food cake.
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
the roof is still on fire
i was watching the news last night and they were showing clips of the blazes in california. it's absolutely terrifying. i don't know what to say about it all. it's like hearing about someone's bad dream. there's absolutely nothing you can do to make it all just go away. i feel fortunate. outside, the sky is clear, the sun is shining, and the air is cool with a slight breeze. it's so easy to take it all for granted.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
ferret trap
jerms is nuts. he wants us to add two more to our family. two ferrets. weenie rats.
he's always wanted one and even bought a book about them back when we were in college. now one of his friends is offering two of them away, including all of their cages and supplies.
i'm thinking. no, we don't need any more kids.
he's thinking, aren't they cute?
he's always wanted one and even bought a book about them back when we were in college. now one of his friends is offering two of them away, including all of their cages and supplies.
i'm thinking. no, we don't need any more kids.
he's thinking, aren't they cute?
sweaters
i should have worn a large sweater today. i doubt it's even under 70 degrees in this office but i'm freezing. a cold front has swept in this week so we'll be experiencing lows in the 50s. brrrrr. :)
i get cold very easiliy. i'm dreaming of my nice warm comforter at home. i'm thinking i need to bunch myself up in it.
it's not yet cold enough to pull out the hot chocolate.
i get cold very easiliy. i'm dreaming of my nice warm comforter at home. i'm thinking i need to bunch myself up in it.
it's not yet cold enough to pull out the hot chocolate.
Monday, October 27, 2003
the lights of california
we always assumed california would float away. instead, it seems as if it's going to burn away.
what a horrific ordeal they must be going through. a friend of mine sent me some pictures to look at. there was ash over everything and the sky was just looming with firelight. it's something you have absolutely no control over.. kind like a hurricane but the damage is done slowly to you.
weird. texas isn't really hit by any severe weather. we get the occasional hurricane threat but nothing really happens. flooding is our greatest problems but it's nothing like mid-country.
i guess we have heat but since we're also known for our giant AC units, the dangered is null. so i guess our greatest danger is ignorance and blind faith.
p.s. happy belated bday to octo.
p.p.s. my witch cupcakes to be posted later.
what a horrific ordeal they must be going through. a friend of mine sent me some pictures to look at. there was ash over everything and the sky was just looming with firelight. it's something you have absolutely no control over.. kind like a hurricane but the damage is done slowly to you.
weird. texas isn't really hit by any severe weather. we get the occasional hurricane threat but nothing really happens. flooding is our greatest problems but it's nothing like mid-country.
i guess we have heat but since we're also known for our giant AC units, the dangered is null. so i guess our greatest danger is ignorance and blind faith.
p.s. happy belated bday to octo.
p.p.s. my witch cupcakes to be posted later.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
the bosses are out of town today. they went off to try and do some fund raising for the project i'm working on.
sooo. we all took the opportunity to take a lunch in the park today. four of us went to einstein bagels and got some lunch then drove out to the park across from our office.
i got some soup and a bag of chips to add the pbj i brought with me.
we sat down and ate our lunches and talked about work and the crazy kids that were around us. there was this one kid that was dressed up like spider man. i guess he was too impatient to wait till halloween. or maybe it's not a halloween costume. maybe the kid really was spidy. heh.
anyhow, some bees tried to attack us. i think the drinks they got from einstein were very sweet and attracted the stupid insects.
i happened to get a glimpse of my office manager's screen this morning. she has her resolution set very low so everything is giant sized on her screen. she was typing up an email this morning and got up and left. i was up near her desk looking for envelopes. the email was to some acquaintance of hers. she was writing about how beautiful a day it was outside. i looked up and saw her walking with a friend of hers who works in the office across from ours through the window. i was thinking how lovely it was that she was taking advantage of such a great day. i wished i was outside walking with a friend. she then wrote, how lovely and peaceful today was and that the bosses were out of town. i couldn't agree more. while i really like my bosses, things are just a 100 times more intense when they're here. i think it's because they carry with them an overwhelming sense of presence and authority. another things, is that they carry with them their problems. if they're having a bad day or if there is trouble with a client, we all feel it. it's not completely overt but you sense their impatience.
but that's not going to happen today. nope. they're off in lufkin, texas trying to gather a couple million dollars. i did get an email though with a thorough list of things that i could be working on today from one of the bosses. the annoying part was that i had already initiated the work yesterday. it's as if they think we're all going to go out and party while they're gone. hey. not a bad idea.
but damn. today is a beautiful day....for texas anyhow.
sooo. we all took the opportunity to take a lunch in the park today. four of us went to einstein bagels and got some lunch then drove out to the park across from our office.
i got some soup and a bag of chips to add the pbj i brought with me.
we sat down and ate our lunches and talked about work and the crazy kids that were around us. there was this one kid that was dressed up like spider man. i guess he was too impatient to wait till halloween. or maybe it's not a halloween costume. maybe the kid really was spidy. heh.
anyhow, some bees tried to attack us. i think the drinks they got from einstein were very sweet and attracted the stupid insects.
i happened to get a glimpse of my office manager's screen this morning. she has her resolution set very low so everything is giant sized on her screen. she was typing up an email this morning and got up and left. i was up near her desk looking for envelopes. the email was to some acquaintance of hers. she was writing about how beautiful a day it was outside. i looked up and saw her walking with a friend of hers who works in the office across from ours through the window. i was thinking how lovely it was that she was taking advantage of such a great day. i wished i was outside walking with a friend. she then wrote, how lovely and peaceful today was and that the bosses were out of town. i couldn't agree more. while i really like my bosses, things are just a 100 times more intense when they're here. i think it's because they carry with them an overwhelming sense of presence and authority. another things, is that they carry with them their problems. if they're having a bad day or if there is trouble with a client, we all feel it. it's not completely overt but you sense their impatience.
but that's not going to happen today. nope. they're off in lufkin, texas trying to gather a couple million dollars. i did get an email though with a thorough list of things that i could be working on today from one of the bosses. the annoying part was that i had already initiated the work yesterday. it's as if they think we're all going to go out and party while they're gone. hey. not a bad idea.
but damn. today is a beautiful day....for texas anyhow.
Sunday, October 19, 2003
you're a loser baby
hmmm.. so i can't seem to make any friends.
i can't decide if it is due to my lack of social skills or
the fact that i must annoy people to death.
but what is a friend anyhow? right? is it someone who you can count on? is it someone who
can understand or sympathize with you? or is it just someone you can have fun with? or is it someone who makes you laugh? or someone who you can just sit still with?
i have a hard time with the definition of friendship because at times i take my expectations too far. at least, that's what i used to do. now, whenever i make a friend, i pretty much assume that it's just a temporary situation.
my father used to tell me that friends will come and go but family will always be there. i used to think he was crazy. there was no way my best friends and i would ever go our separate ways. truly though, they have all gone. not a single one of my so-called best friends are even on speaking terms with me. it's not like we had a huge fight and walked away. we just always grow apart.
i lack what other girls are looking for in a girl friend and i don't quite fit in with the whole male bonding. i am quasi-gender less and i guess that means i relate hardly to any one sex in particular.
i still remember finding out from my friends in the fifth grade that they became my friends because the teacher asked them to. apparently my mother told the teacher that i was depressed because i had no friends, so the teacher got some girls to become friends with me. it was not one of the highlights of my life.
i don't know why, but i've always had a desire to be friends with females. i try so hard to latch onto them but i just don't stick. men are much easier for me to befriend. maybe it's a competition thing or maybe i just don't have what it takes. i remember my best friend in high school. i really really wanted so much to be her friend. she was star quality in my eyes and i was so happy when we became best friends. then, i must have been too overbearing because she started to claim that she needed more space. perhaps i try to consume too much, too fast. i also begin to desire them which i attribute to being bi. girls are just delicious creatures. every part of their body is absolutely delectable. if i were a man, i'd totally be a player. :)
i digress, so now i'm sitting here in my room about to start playing some wolf et. i'm thinking of the few acquaintances and friends i have left...and wonder if maybe this is as good as it gets.
who knows.
i can't decide if it is due to my lack of social skills or
the fact that i must annoy people to death.
but what is a friend anyhow? right? is it someone who you can count on? is it someone who
can understand or sympathize with you? or is it just someone you can have fun with? or is it someone who makes you laugh? or someone who you can just sit still with?
i have a hard time with the definition of friendship because at times i take my expectations too far. at least, that's what i used to do. now, whenever i make a friend, i pretty much assume that it's just a temporary situation.
my father used to tell me that friends will come and go but family will always be there. i used to think he was crazy. there was no way my best friends and i would ever go our separate ways. truly though, they have all gone. not a single one of my so-called best friends are even on speaking terms with me. it's not like we had a huge fight and walked away. we just always grow apart.
i lack what other girls are looking for in a girl friend and i don't quite fit in with the whole male bonding. i am quasi-gender less and i guess that means i relate hardly to any one sex in particular.
i still remember finding out from my friends in the fifth grade that they became my friends because the teacher asked them to. apparently my mother told the teacher that i was depressed because i had no friends, so the teacher got some girls to become friends with me. it was not one of the highlights of my life.
i don't know why, but i've always had a desire to be friends with females. i try so hard to latch onto them but i just don't stick. men are much easier for me to befriend. maybe it's a competition thing or maybe i just don't have what it takes. i remember my best friend in high school. i really really wanted so much to be her friend. she was star quality in my eyes and i was so happy when we became best friends. then, i must have been too overbearing because she started to claim that she needed more space. perhaps i try to consume too much, too fast. i also begin to desire them which i attribute to being bi. girls are just delicious creatures. every part of their body is absolutely delectable. if i were a man, i'd totally be a player. :)
i digress, so now i'm sitting here in my room about to start playing some wolf et. i'm thinking of the few acquaintances and friends i have left...and wonder if maybe this is as good as it gets.
who knows.
Monday, September 22, 2003
i woke up today wishing that the weekend was three days instead of two but that's probably no different than the rest of the working class folk.
it was a pretty low key weekend. last weekend was my first real free weekend and i spent it practicing wolfenstein enemy territory. this weekend i did a few errands and chores but mostly stayed in bed and watched queer as folk. my dad hooked me up with the second season and i haven't been able to stop watching it ever since. i'm down to the last three episodes. i even got jeremy hooked on it. it's kinda cool knowing you're with an open minded hetero who doesn't mind watching two or three men get it on. sometimes i still have my suspicious. :) anyhow, i remember the first time i saw two guys kissing on screen. it was that bruce willis and richard gere movie. i forget what it's called. i remember gasping because i couldn't believe that bruce willis would do that. it's amazing sometimes how secure some men can be compared to others. i know guys who willl kick you out their car if you even mention anything related to same sex relationships.
anyhow, the series is really cool. i wish i had started with the first season, now i'll have to go back. i actually think i like it better than sex and the city and that's f-ing crazy. jeremy says its because it's grittier and more perverse. i think though that it's more because of its darker themes and deeper emotional connections.
i have quilting class today. this weekend i went and bought cloth to start a quilt. i'm going to do the boring old patchwork quilt. it's a start i suppose. i'm too lazy right now to cut the squares. if i had a better work space, maybe i'd be more motivated.
oh god. i almost choked on my dr. pepper. i just saw this old guy pass through the office window. he wasn't wearing a shirt and he had on these bright purple shorts. i wish it was appropriate for women to go around half naked. i'm sure a bunch of men wish that too.
i'm on my lunch break. i'm taking a longer one that usual today..the full one hour..because no one but the office manager is in. i don't know why i always feel guilty for taking a normal lunch break. i mean, i work 10 hour days for gods sake and i don't get paid a dime for any hours over the standard 8. but blah blah blah.
i'm tired. i want to go home and take a nap. i wish i had a place closer to my work. i'd go home for lunch every day and crash out. hehe.
we have a match tonight against clan ND80 gold. They are notorious for not showing up to their matches so maybe i'll get another free night tonight. I'm going to watch the rest of the queer as folk episodes.
it was a pretty low key weekend. last weekend was my first real free weekend and i spent it practicing wolfenstein enemy territory. this weekend i did a few errands and chores but mostly stayed in bed and watched queer as folk. my dad hooked me up with the second season and i haven't been able to stop watching it ever since. i'm down to the last three episodes. i even got jeremy hooked on it. it's kinda cool knowing you're with an open minded hetero who doesn't mind watching two or three men get it on. sometimes i still have my suspicious. :) anyhow, i remember the first time i saw two guys kissing on screen. it was that bruce willis and richard gere movie. i forget what it's called. i remember gasping because i couldn't believe that bruce willis would do that. it's amazing sometimes how secure some men can be compared to others. i know guys who willl kick you out their car if you even mention anything related to same sex relationships.
anyhow, the series is really cool. i wish i had started with the first season, now i'll have to go back. i actually think i like it better than sex and the city and that's f-ing crazy. jeremy says its because it's grittier and more perverse. i think though that it's more because of its darker themes and deeper emotional connections.
i have quilting class today. this weekend i went and bought cloth to start a quilt. i'm going to do the boring old patchwork quilt. it's a start i suppose. i'm too lazy right now to cut the squares. if i had a better work space, maybe i'd be more motivated.
oh god. i almost choked on my dr. pepper. i just saw this old guy pass through the office window. he wasn't wearing a shirt and he had on these bright purple shorts. i wish it was appropriate for women to go around half naked. i'm sure a bunch of men wish that too.
i'm on my lunch break. i'm taking a longer one that usual today..the full one hour..because no one but the office manager is in. i don't know why i always feel guilty for taking a normal lunch break. i mean, i work 10 hour days for gods sake and i don't get paid a dime for any hours over the standard 8. but blah blah blah.
i'm tired. i want to go home and take a nap. i wish i had a place closer to my work. i'd go home for lunch every day and crash out. hehe.
we have a match tonight against clan ND80 gold. They are notorious for not showing up to their matches so maybe i'll get another free night tonight. I'm going to watch the rest of the queer as folk episodes.
Monday, September 15, 2003
brief
quick update:
graduated from grad school on the 18th of august.
worked crazy ass hours at my new job for the following three weeks non stop with no weekends
finsihed the project competition we were working on.
we won the competition.
i took two days off of work and went home to visit the folks
have spent the remainder of my time working and gaming
been play wolfenstein enemy territory in our clan JAE
we play tournament matches every monday and try to scrimage throughout the week
my personal goal is for us to win one clan match
:)
we're getting better.
taking a quilting class on monday nights.
have to leave the class early to make the game on mondays.
graduated from grad school on the 18th of august.
worked crazy ass hours at my new job for the following three weeks non stop with no weekends
finsihed the project competition we were working on.
we won the competition.
i took two days off of work and went home to visit the folks
have spent the remainder of my time working and gaming
been play wolfenstein enemy territory in our clan JAE
we play tournament matches every monday and try to scrimage throughout the week
my personal goal is for us to win one clan match
:)
we're getting better.
taking a quilting class on monday nights.
have to leave the class early to make the game on mondays.
Tuesday, September 2, 2003
those damn good writers
hmmm. sometimes i wonder why i keep an online journal at all. i guess mostly for myself because i feel this need to every once in a while come out of my recluse little hole and shout some crap out.
i read interesting blogs/journals online and i think. damn. now that's f-ing entertainment.. i wish i had those kinds of skills. and the odd thing is that nothing really interesting has to happen to you for you to write interesting things. but nothing happens to me and i write nothing of interest. :)
i mean, every once in awhile, i'll got on a rampage and start ranting about the usuals.. politics, social commentary, and stupid people.. i wonder if it's all just about perspective. the great thing about good blog/journal writers is that they find whit, humor, and insight in the most mundane things. they pay attention to the details or they articulate their emotions effectively.
hmmm.. so yeah. go you awesome writers..
i read interesting blogs/journals online and i think. damn. now that's f-ing entertainment.. i wish i had those kinds of skills. and the odd thing is that nothing really interesting has to happen to you for you to write interesting things. but nothing happens to me and i write nothing of interest. :)
i mean, every once in awhile, i'll got on a rampage and start ranting about the usuals.. politics, social commentary, and stupid people.. i wonder if it's all just about perspective. the great thing about good blog/journal writers is that they find whit, humor, and insight in the most mundane things. they pay attention to the details or they articulate their emotions effectively.
hmmm.. so yeah. go you awesome writers..
Monday, September 1, 2003
what is weekend?
and yet another weekend has passed and i'm still up at the office working.
this month, i haven't seen a single free weekend. i'm pushing around 80 hours of work this week. i would complain but i actually love my job. i'm just getting tired and i don't have any kind of energy outside of work. we have been working on a competition due this thursday. i somehow got put in charge of the bulk of the project. it's been a pretty amazing ride. i don't know what i'll do when i actually have nights and weekends free.
yeah. so that's my status right now. i have quite a long night ahead of me. i keep saying i'll be back after blah blah blah..but things keep coming up. SO. hopefully, i'll be back to my life after this week. :)
this month, i haven't seen a single free weekend. i'm pushing around 80 hours of work this week. i would complain but i actually love my job. i'm just getting tired and i don't have any kind of energy outside of work. we have been working on a competition due this thursday. i somehow got put in charge of the bulk of the project. it's been a pretty amazing ride. i don't know what i'll do when i actually have nights and weekends free.
yeah. so that's my status right now. i have quite a long night ahead of me. i keep saying i'll be back after blah blah blah..but things keep coming up. SO. hopefully, i'll be back to my life after this week. :)
Monday, August 11, 2003
from saturday
i'm watching these orange leaves dance in the air. They're celebrating their freedom from living. A dancing death.
I'm sitting here at work at my desk stairing out of the huge window in front of me. The wind is scattering the leaves about and shaking the
trees free of their color. I have no interest in being here today. Today would have been a good day for canoeing.
I've got some pop music blaring on the office stereo trying to pretend that I'm not already annoyed by the repetition of meaningless noise.
Stability and idealism have become my prison. I have convinced myself to do these things which I imagine will fullfill me. I doubt I'll ever learn to
love this life. I'm simply just too afraid to move away from this system of comfort. The wind just picked up again. The poor tree is losing
its top. heh. it's going bald. this is a sure sign of summer's end. sigh. i have to get to work.
I'm sitting here at work at my desk stairing out of the huge window in front of me. The wind is scattering the leaves about and shaking the
trees free of their color. I have no interest in being here today. Today would have been a good day for canoeing.
I've got some pop music blaring on the office stereo trying to pretend that I'm not already annoyed by the repetition of meaningless noise.
Stability and idealism have become my prison. I have convinced myself to do these things which I imagine will fullfill me. I doubt I'll ever learn to
love this life. I'm simply just too afraid to move away from this system of comfort. The wind just picked up again. The poor tree is losing
its top. heh. it's going bald. this is a sure sign of summer's end. sigh. i have to get to work.
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
and behind door number two is....
i hate how life is nothing but a couple of doors with numbers on them.
you can either go through door number 1, 2, or three.
whatever happened to all of the above?
i've found that now that my time has decreased dramatically, i have to start making choices about what i want my day to be consumed with. it's rather depressing.
right now, i've chosen to do "social" things in my spare time. we've started up a clan for wolfenstein enemy territory. we're going to start playing ladder games. doing this means not having time to do anything else. the rest of my day is filled with school, work, chores, eating, and sleeping.
i have so many things i'd love to have time to do. i really want to fulfill my craft urges. i'm in a crafty mood. i want to make a scrap book, improve my baking skills, make a coffee table book, create a greeting card organizer, and other such martha-type things. :)
something interesting: we shaved tigger last week because of his hairball troubles. we did it ourselves because we were too cheap to take him to the vet and we lost our vet connections.
tiggy got a home haircut. hehehe. it's bad. but it wasn't like we were going to enter him into a beauty contest.
you can either go through door number 1, 2, or three.
whatever happened to all of the above?
i've found that now that my time has decreased dramatically, i have to start making choices about what i want my day to be consumed with. it's rather depressing.
right now, i've chosen to do "social" things in my spare time. we've started up a clan for wolfenstein enemy territory. we're going to start playing ladder games. doing this means not having time to do anything else. the rest of my day is filled with school, work, chores, eating, and sleeping.
i have so many things i'd love to have time to do. i really want to fulfill my craft urges. i'm in a crafty mood. i want to make a scrap book, improve my baking skills, make a coffee table book, create a greeting card organizer, and other such martha-type things. :)
something interesting: we shaved tigger last week because of his hairball troubles. we did it ourselves because we were too cheap to take him to the vet and we lost our vet connections.
tiggy got a home haircut. hehehe. it's bad. but it wasn't like we were going to enter him into a beauty contest.
Sunday, July 27, 2003
sneak peak
10pm on a Sunday night. i'm up here at work. i'm trying to decide how much i want to get done tonight. i'm working on building a 1/16th inch = 1 foot model of the site we're designing for. its going to be about 40x64 inches..plus some.
school has been a bum. very un motivating but something i have to get done. only three more weeks. i don't really want to talk about work or school right now though. i'm tired of it all. i'm burning the candles from both ends and its starting to hurt.
tigger is doing well. he recovered from his "problems"... turns out he had swallowed a button the size of a quarter and that's why he was puking so much. they had to operate and get it out. we noticed that after he recovered he was still throwing up big hairballs so we're in the process of giving him a "home-shave". it's not going to be pretty but it will save us 60 bucks. so far we've got most of his back and him stomach was already shaved from the surgery. man, what i would give for a cat tranquilizer. heh.
isn't it funny that you can think of a million things you'd like to do whenever you don't have any time...but when you've got all the time in the world, you're bored as all hell?
yeah, that's life.
anyhow, i need to get back to the model.
pheeewy.
school has been a bum. very un motivating but something i have to get done. only three more weeks. i don't really want to talk about work or school right now though. i'm tired of it all. i'm burning the candles from both ends and its starting to hurt.
tigger is doing well. he recovered from his "problems"... turns out he had swallowed a button the size of a quarter and that's why he was puking so much. they had to operate and get it out. we noticed that after he recovered he was still throwing up big hairballs so we're in the process of giving him a "home-shave". it's not going to be pretty but it will save us 60 bucks. so far we've got most of his back and him stomach was already shaved from the surgery. man, what i would give for a cat tranquilizer. heh.
isn't it funny that you can think of a million things you'd like to do whenever you don't have any time...but when you've got all the time in the world, you're bored as all hell?
yeah, that's life.
anyhow, i need to get back to the model.
pheeewy.
Friday, July 18, 2003
inbetween breaths
it's friday night. half past midnight. just got done working. going to head up to work again tomorrow around 9am or so. its amazing and painful at the same time. i keep waiting for my chance to come up for air.
Thursday, July 17, 2003
Tuesday, June 24, 2003
so i got a job
so i got a job.
i didn't apply for one.
i had no resume.
i had no portfolio.
life is so incredible sometimes that i have to pinch myself, then slap myself.
i am so freaking lucky.
there's this firm in austin called andersson-wise
in austin that i've been looking at for about a year. it was recommended to me by my father through one of his co-workers which knows one of the partners of the firm. i talked to the guy, arthur andersson, a year ago about his firm and showed him my undergrad portfolio. i had meant to email him afterwards to continue contact but i never did. i never want to seem too pushy.
anyhow, this past semester, i took a course called technical communication which has a lot to do with construction documents and communicating your design. the normal professor who teaches the course retired a year ago and they've been inviting local architects to teach the class ever since. by coincedence, arthur anderssson and chris wise were my teachers for last semesters studio. we had a choice of either them or some other architect guy. chris curson, my partner from last semester, and i chose andersson/wise because we didn't know which one to pick and heard many of the people saying they wanted the other guy. we heard a few girls say they wanted andersson/wise because they were cute. heheh. can you imagine picking a teacher based on his or her looks? okay, maybe it's not so farfetched. the same thing happened with my studio professor from the spring before. old white guy or cute skinny tall guy. anyhow, i digress.
our choice payed off and we both got into the same studio and hooked up as partners for the semester. the whole semester went very well. i was very content for most of the time even though i was completely swamped 24/7. that was the period in which i was never online for a month or two. anyhow, we were very proud of the work we accomplished and pretty amazed at how much you can learn when you're motivated. competition helps you thrive and having a partner you feel challenges you is always a great way to get motivated. we were always trying to out do one another. damnit, i'm digressing again. so, needless to say, we produced good work.
at the end of the semester, our two teachers invited us out for a drink at the only bar on campus. i wasn't going to go but decided i needed to put in some face time. while we were there, chris wise came up to my partner and i and started chatting. i thought it was nice of him to come initiate convo with us so we wouldn't feel too left out. lord knows, i wouldn't have, being that i have no guts. anyhow, one thing led to another and i ended up telling chris wise that if a position ever opened up at their firm, i'd be interested. he told me to contact him when i graduated to see if anything was available then. i thought it was one of those polite blow offs. kind of like, "in your dreams, girl. try back when you're worthy." you know, that sort of thing.
i was still going to try after i graduated. it never hurts to ask.
so, i'm walking back to my car from school a week ago and run into my other studio teacher form last semester, the one who taught everyone the technical side to tech comm. she tells me that chris wise was asking for my email address. of course, my heart kind of jumps inside, that little palpatation of hope and desire. she told me to email him and see what he wanted. so that's what i did. a day later, i get an email from him saying that he and arthur want to offer me a position at their firm. (there's this whole speal i could go into right now about people's reactions to this and the pressures that were put on me after that..but i'll let that settle in the "festering" section of my psyche for awhile.)
i set up an appointment to meet with the two partners for that following monday afternoon to discuss projects and pay. the meeting went really well, i thought. who knows what they thought of me. you never can tell with the amount of "face" you have to put on in the business world. the projects sound exciting. they've been invited to do a competition and hopefully, i'll be able to work on that. when it came time to talk about money, they through down a number and i threw down a number five grand higher. i think i scared them. we ended up deciding to let the number rest until i'm actually available for full-time hire after i graduate. so that means i have to wow them in the mean time. it's weird, i explained to them that the reason i wanted so much was to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house. which is a lie because i don't want a house. but i didn't want to say, the reason we're saving money up to put a down payment on a house is because jeremy can't stand living in a rented place. or the reason i'm asking so much money is because jeremy wants a big house so he can have a garage to shelter his car.
it's weird because, i'm actually content where i am and with the money i would be making. but it seems like money really does make some people much happier than others. even my father was saying how i need to be making more money. how rich do you have to be to be content, if you're not content now? i'm trying to see where the finish line is because it seems like an atittude like this could be a lifetime obession. i was content when we were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. it's all about the memories you make in a place rather than the place itself that makes me happy. damit, i got off track again. oh well, i was pretty much finished with my story anyhow. i start work tomorrow afternoon after my studio. i'll be working part time until i graduate.
i made a chocolate-oreo cheesecake tonight. it's cooling for one hour at room temperature right now. then, it has to go into the refrigerator for 4 hours before anyone can eat it. i'm HOPING it turns out all right. i had another chocolate chip cookie disaster this past weekend. i love to bake recreationally but it'd be nice if i won sometimes. :)
oh god. do i have time to go into the vet story? next post.
Andersson-Wise Architects was founded in 2001 by Arthur W. Andersson and F. Christian Wise following a 15-year collaboration together and with Charles W. Moore, first as the Charles Moore Studio and later as Moore/Andersson Architects. Moore and Andersson began working together in 1981 when they collaborated on the White River Park Project. Shortly thereafter, they co-designed the Wonderwall and Centennial Pavilion at the New Orleans World�s Fair. Wise joined the firm in 1985 as a principal design collaborator for the studio. Moore is recognized as having been one of this century�s greatest architects - his work, writing, and teaching have profoundly influenced the course of architecture worldwide. By practicing and evolving his teachings, the firm has become a design collaborative of 12 architects and designers, dedicated to excellence in public, religious, commercial, and residential design.
i didn't apply for one.
i had no resume.
i had no portfolio.
life is so incredible sometimes that i have to pinch myself, then slap myself.
i am so freaking lucky.
there's this firm in austin called andersson-wise
in austin that i've been looking at for about a year. it was recommended to me by my father through one of his co-workers which knows one of the partners of the firm. i talked to the guy, arthur andersson, a year ago about his firm and showed him my undergrad portfolio. i had meant to email him afterwards to continue contact but i never did. i never want to seem too pushy.
anyhow, this past semester, i took a course called technical communication which has a lot to do with construction documents and communicating your design. the normal professor who teaches the course retired a year ago and they've been inviting local architects to teach the class ever since. by coincedence, arthur anderssson and chris wise were my teachers for last semesters studio. we had a choice of either them or some other architect guy. chris curson, my partner from last semester, and i chose andersson/wise because we didn't know which one to pick and heard many of the people saying they wanted the other guy. we heard a few girls say they wanted andersson/wise because they were cute. heheh. can you imagine picking a teacher based on his or her looks? okay, maybe it's not so farfetched. the same thing happened with my studio professor from the spring before. old white guy or cute skinny tall guy. anyhow, i digress.
our choice payed off and we both got into the same studio and hooked up as partners for the semester. the whole semester went very well. i was very content for most of the time even though i was completely swamped 24/7. that was the period in which i was never online for a month or two. anyhow, we were very proud of the work we accomplished and pretty amazed at how much you can learn when you're motivated. competition helps you thrive and having a partner you feel challenges you is always a great way to get motivated. we were always trying to out do one another. damnit, i'm digressing again. so, needless to say, we produced good work.
at the end of the semester, our two teachers invited us out for a drink at the only bar on campus. i wasn't going to go but decided i needed to put in some face time. while we were there, chris wise came up to my partner and i and started chatting. i thought it was nice of him to come initiate convo with us so we wouldn't feel too left out. lord knows, i wouldn't have, being that i have no guts. anyhow, one thing led to another and i ended up telling chris wise that if a position ever opened up at their firm, i'd be interested. he told me to contact him when i graduated to see if anything was available then. i thought it was one of those polite blow offs. kind of like, "in your dreams, girl. try back when you're worthy." you know, that sort of thing.
i was still going to try after i graduated. it never hurts to ask.
so, i'm walking back to my car from school a week ago and run into my other studio teacher form last semester, the one who taught everyone the technical side to tech comm. she tells me that chris wise was asking for my email address. of course, my heart kind of jumps inside, that little palpatation of hope and desire. she told me to email him and see what he wanted. so that's what i did. a day later, i get an email from him saying that he and arthur want to offer me a position at their firm. (there's this whole speal i could go into right now about people's reactions to this and the pressures that were put on me after that..but i'll let that settle in the "festering" section of my psyche for awhile.)
i set up an appointment to meet with the two partners for that following monday afternoon to discuss projects and pay. the meeting went really well, i thought. who knows what they thought of me. you never can tell with the amount of "face" you have to put on in the business world. the projects sound exciting. they've been invited to do a competition and hopefully, i'll be able to work on that. when it came time to talk about money, they through down a number and i threw down a number five grand higher. i think i scared them. we ended up deciding to let the number rest until i'm actually available for full-time hire after i graduate. so that means i have to wow them in the mean time. it's weird, i explained to them that the reason i wanted so much was to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house. which is a lie because i don't want a house. but i didn't want to say, the reason we're saving money up to put a down payment on a house is because jeremy can't stand living in a rented place. or the reason i'm asking so much money is because jeremy wants a big house so he can have a garage to shelter his car.
it's weird because, i'm actually content where i am and with the money i would be making. but it seems like money really does make some people much happier than others. even my father was saying how i need to be making more money. how rich do you have to be to be content, if you're not content now? i'm trying to see where the finish line is because it seems like an atittude like this could be a lifetime obession. i was content when we were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. it's all about the memories you make in a place rather than the place itself that makes me happy. damit, i got off track again. oh well, i was pretty much finished with my story anyhow. i start work tomorrow afternoon after my studio. i'll be working part time until i graduate.
i made a chocolate-oreo cheesecake tonight. it's cooling for one hour at room temperature right now. then, it has to go into the refrigerator for 4 hours before anyone can eat it. i'm HOPING it turns out all right. i had another chocolate chip cookie disaster this past weekend. i love to bake recreationally but it'd be nice if i won sometimes. :)
oh god. do i have time to go into the vet story? next post.
Andersson-Wise Architects was founded in 2001 by Arthur W. Andersson and F. Christian Wise following a 15-year collaboration together and with Charles W. Moore, first as the Charles Moore Studio and later as Moore/Andersson Architects. Moore and Andersson began working together in 1981 when they collaborated on the White River Park Project. Shortly thereafter, they co-designed the Wonderwall and Centennial Pavilion at the New Orleans World�s Fair. Wise joined the firm in 1985 as a principal design collaborator for the studio. Moore is recognized as having been one of this century�s greatest architects - his work, writing, and teaching have profoundly influenced the course of architecture worldwide. By practicing and evolving his teachings, the firm has become a design collaborative of 12 architects and designers, dedicated to excellence in public, religious, commercial, and residential design.
Monday, June 23, 2003
thinking about 3pm
flutter flutter
little tiny butter
fly in my tummy
rumbling nothing yummy
fretting little heart
thinking worrying
ain't so smart
:)
shall explain later.
little tiny butter
fly in my tummy
rumbling nothing yummy
fretting little heart
thinking worrying
ain't so smart
:)
shall explain later.
matrix reloaded: the imax experience
California
Desert IMAX Theatre
Highway 111 at Cathedral Canyon Drive
Cathedral City, CA 92234
760-324-7333
www.desertimax.com
Regal IMAX Theatre
Hacienda Crossing 20
5000 Dublin Blvd.
Dublin, CA 94568
925-803-4629
www.regalcinemas.com
Regal IMAX Theatre
Irvine Spectrum
65 Fortune Drive
Irvine, CA 92618
949-450-4900
www.regalcinemas.com
IMAX Theatre at The Bridge: cinema de lux
Howard Hughes Center
6081 Center Dr., Suite 201
Los Angeles, CA 90045
866-747-1234
www.thebridgecinema.com
Regal IMAX Theatre
Ontario Palace
4900 East Fourth St.
Ontario, CA 91764
909-476-1500
www.regalcinemas.com
Esquire IMAX Theatre
1211 K Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
916-443-4629
www.imax.com/sacramento
Loews IMAX Theatre
Metreon
101 Fourth St.
Yerba Buena Gardens
San Francisco, CA 94103
415-369-6200
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm
Regal IMAX Theatre Valencia
24435 Town Center Dr.
Santa Clarita, CA 91355
661-287-1740
www.regalcinemas.com
Universal Studios IMAX Theatre
Universal Citywalk
100 Universal City Plaza, Citywalk
Universal City, CA 91608
818-760-8100
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm
Colorado
Cinemark IMAX Theatre
3305 Cinema Point
Colorado Springs, CO 80922
719-596-3212
www.cinemark.com
Regal IMAX Theatre, Colorado Center 9
2000 S. Colorado Blvd.
Denver, CO 80222
303-757-3700
www.regalcinemas.com
Florida
IMAX Theatre at Sunset Place
5701 Sunset Drive, Suite 134
South Miami, FL 33143
305-663-4629
www.imax.com/miami
Channelside IMAX Theatre
615 Channelside Dr.
Tampa, FL 33602
813-221-0700
Georgia
Regal IMAX Theatre
Mall of Georgia
3333 Buford Drive, Suite 3000
Buford, GA 30518
678-482-5858
www.regalcinemas.com
Hawaii
The IMAX Waikiki Theatre
325 Seaside Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96815
808-923-4629
www.imaxwaikiki.com
Idaho
Regal IMAX Theatre
7701 Overland Rd.
Boise, ID 83704
208-377-1700
www.regalcinemas.com
Illinois
Marcus IMAX Theatre
1555 West Lake St.
Addison, IL 60101
630-932-4572
www.marcustheatres.com
Regal IMAX Theatre
CityPark
300 Parkway Dr.
Lincolnshire, IL 60069
847-229-9100
www.regalcinemas.com
Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Seven Bridges
6500 Route 53
Woodridge, IL 60517
630-434-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp
Indiana
IMAX 3D Theatre
White River State Park
650 W. Washington St.
Indianapolis, IN 46204
317-233-4629
www.imaxindy.com
Louisiana
Entergy IMAX Theatre
Aquarium of the Americas
1 Canal Street
New Orleans, LA 70130
504-581-4629
www.auduboninstitute.org
Massachusetts
Comcast IMAX Theatre
Jordan's Furniture
1 Underprice Way
Natick, MA 01760
508-424-0088
www.jordansimax.com
Simons IMAX Theatre
New England Aquarium
Central Warf
Boston, MA 02110
617-973-5200
www.neaq.org
Michigan
IMAX Theatre
Henry Ford Museum
20900 Oakwood Blvd.
Dearborn, MI 48121-1970
313-271-1620
www.hfmgv.org
IMAX Theatre Celebration! Village
2121 Celebration Ave. NE
Grand Rapids, MI 49525
866-298-4629
www.bigscreenmovies.com/imaxmatters
Minnesota
Imation IMAX Theatre
Minnesota Zoo
12000 Zoo Blvd.
Apple Valley, MN 55124
952-997-9700
www.imax.com/minnesota
Missouri
Sprint IMAX Theatre
Kansas City Zoo
6800 Zoo Dr.
Kansas, MO 64123
816-513-4629
www.kansascityzoo.org/zooimax.htm
Nevada
Luxor IMAX Theatre
Luxor Hotel and Casino
3900 Las Vegas Blvd. S.
Las Vegas, NV 89119
702-262-4555
www.luxor.com
New York
Regal IMAX Theatre
New Roc City
33 LeCount Place
New Rochelle, NY 10801
914-576-5757
www.regalcinemas.com
Loews IMAX Theatre
Lincoln Square
1998 Broadway & 68th St.
New York, NY 10023
212-336-5000
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm
Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Tinseltown
2291 Buffalo Rd.
Rochester, NY 14623
716-426-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp
IMAX Theatre at Palisades Center
4270 Palisades Centre Dr.
West Nyack, NY 10994
845-358-4629
www.imax.com/palisades
Regal IMAX Theatre
Transit Center
6707 Transit Rd.
Williamsville, NY
716-632-4629
www.regalcinemas.com
Ohio
Marcus IMAX Theatre
Crosswoods Centre
200 Hutchinson Ave.
Columbus, OH 43235
614-841-1600
www.marcustheatres.com/imax.cfm
Oklahoma
Cinemark IMAX Theatre
The Tulsa
10802 East 71st St.
Tulsa, OK 74133
918-307-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp
Pennsylvania
United Artists King of Prussia Stadium 16 & IMAX
300 Goddard Blvd.
King of Prussia, PA 19406
www.regalcinemas.com
Rhode Island
Feinstein IMAX Theatre
9 Providence Place, Suite R2
Providence, RI 02903
401-453-4629
www.imax.com/providence
Tennessee
Regal IMAX Theatre
Opry Mills
570 Opry Mills Drive
Nashville, TN 37214
615-514-4629
www.regalcinemas.com
Texas
Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Webb Chapel
11819 Webb Chapel Rd.
Dallas, TX 75234
972-888-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp
Regal IMAX Theatre
Houston Marq*E Stadium 23 Cinema
7620 Katy Freeway
Houston, TX 77024
713-263-0808
www.regalcinemas.com
San Antonio IMAX Theatre Rivercenter
849 E. Commerce St., Suite 483
San Antonio, TX 78205
210-225-4629
www.imax-sa.com
Virginia
Riverside IMAX Theatre
Virginia Air & Space Center
600 Settlers Landing Rd.
Hampton, VA 23669
757-727-0900
www.vasc.org
Washington
Boeing IMAX Theatre
Pacific Science Center
200 Second Ave. North
Seattle, WA 98109
206-443-4629
www.pacsci.org
IMAX Theatre
Riverfront Park
North 507 Howard Street
Spokane, WA 99201
509-625-6601
www.spokaneriverfrontpark.com/imax.asp
machine guns
network party went very well. we played till i had machine guns ringing in my ears while trying to sleep. i learned that i like to be on the losing team. i love a good challenge. the good thing about losing a lot is having to be intuitive and creative. if you're always winning, you stick to routine. i learned that jerms can't stand to be on the losing team. he's like eric's brother. a very sore loser. they'll get pissed off if they continue to lose. i get frustrated too but it only fuels the fire for me. we ended up playing this one map called toxicity on the last day. it was 3 v 4. i was on the 3 person team with my brother john and another friend. the map was unofficial, one of those someone else created. it had this huge flaw in which a single machine gun can blockade the entire enemy back to the entrance. the only way to stop the machine gun was to aim a panzer at the correct angle in between an entrance and a window. it was crazy. even crazier, we actually managed to win a few times!
the vet never called about tigger's blood work. i'm about to call them today. he's spent all of last night and all of this morning sleeping in our room. he loves to be around us. maybe he's getting lonely. he never sleeps better than when he's in our bedroom.
i am planning on going to the bank this morning to cash out my cd. it's been collecting pennies for the past two years. we need to pull it out and invest it somewhere else.
okay. off to do run the errands.
the vet never called about tigger's blood work. i'm about to call them today. he's spent all of last night and all of this morning sleeping in our room. he loves to be around us. maybe he's getting lonely. he never sleeps better than when he's in our bedroom.
i am planning on going to the bank this morning to cash out my cd. it's been collecting pennies for the past two years. we need to pull it out and invest it somewhere else.
okay. off to do run the errands.
Friday, June 20, 2003
lan, vet, and jeans
and another gaming party starts. we're all here setting up. it's hot as hell. we potentially have 11 people coming. 5v6. that should be good. i hope that when we start, we don't stop to dick around.
they just got done ordering pizza and eating. i had a pbj and ate some pizza crust.
took tigger to the vet today. he was pissed off. i hate the whole ordeal. the vet said he might have a huge hairball lodged in his stomach or something..which is causing him to be unable to digest the food...and then irritating his stomach causing him to throw up all the time. they took some blood for some tests. they're supposed to get back to us tomorrow morning. it took 4 people to hold him down while they were drawing blood. we could hear him screaming from down the hall. bad little cat. he's so horrible at the vet. i told the technician to be very careful because he will bite at any time. at first she was scruffing him tight but later i noticed she was trying to pet him. ugh. it's no wonder those techs end up scratched up all of the time. they don't listen to the owners warnings.
anyhow, i hope things are going to turn out okay. if it's the hairball problem, we're going to have to get him shaved again. since our friend doesn't work at the vet anymore, we won't be able to get it free. jeremy's sister works at the vet so we might try to set something up when we go back home again. it should only cost as much as the anesthesia...so it should be cheaper for us that way. 30 vs 90 dollars.
i went shopping this afternoon. i just couldn't help myself. :) i needed to find more professional type outfits to wear. why can't the world have a universal uniform of jeans and t-shirts.
they just got done ordering pizza and eating. i had a pbj and ate some pizza crust.
took tigger to the vet today. he was pissed off. i hate the whole ordeal. the vet said he might have a huge hairball lodged in his stomach or something..which is causing him to be unable to digest the food...and then irritating his stomach causing him to throw up all the time. they took some blood for some tests. they're supposed to get back to us tomorrow morning. it took 4 people to hold him down while they were drawing blood. we could hear him screaming from down the hall. bad little cat. he's so horrible at the vet. i told the technician to be very careful because he will bite at any time. at first she was scruffing him tight but later i noticed she was trying to pet him. ugh. it's no wonder those techs end up scratched up all of the time. they don't listen to the owners warnings.
anyhow, i hope things are going to turn out okay. if it's the hairball problem, we're going to have to get him shaved again. since our friend doesn't work at the vet anymore, we won't be able to get it free. jeremy's sister works at the vet so we might try to set something up when we go back home again. it should only cost as much as the anesthesia...so it should be cheaper for us that way. 30 vs 90 dollars.
i went shopping this afternoon. i just couldn't help myself. :) i needed to find more professional type outfits to wear. why can't the world have a universal uniform of jeans and t-shirts.
Thursday, June 19, 2003
furniture, tigger, and wolfenstein
my kitchen island is coming along nicely. i've sent the aluminum angles and pieces to the welder. he's supposed to get back to me Monday or Tuesday about the price. today, i learned how to use the table saw and cut up all of my wood pieces. i hope it all comes together nicely. i went with jerms to home depot today and bought hinges, door catches, wheels, another sheet of plywood, and polyurethane coating.
tigger has continued to get worse. i almost cried today watching him throw up. my poor baby. i'm taking him to the vet tomorrow. he had gotten better last week but now he's getting worse and he can't eat anything. he's throwing up nothing but stomach acid now. he's so miserable. i wanted to take him to the vet today but they're closed on thursdays and sundays. he hates the vet so much and most vets hate him...but what must be done must be done.
we're having a lan party tomorrow over at eric's. my brother and some friends are coming into town and we're gonna have a wolfenstein tourney. yeah. i've been practicing on cracked servers and think i'm a whole lot better than the first time we played. i don't know why i have such a strange fascination with fps games. i think i feel more connected, like i have more impact.
i'll probably go to school tomorrow for a short while. i need to cut two more metal pieces i forgot about and then cut the top and bottom wood pieces. i want to start construction but something tells me i should wait till the welding is done. yup. boring stuff. going to play some wolf now.
tigger has continued to get worse. i almost cried today watching him throw up. my poor baby. i'm taking him to the vet tomorrow. he had gotten better last week but now he's getting worse and he can't eat anything. he's throwing up nothing but stomach acid now. he's so miserable. i wanted to take him to the vet today but they're closed on thursdays and sundays. he hates the vet so much and most vets hate him...but what must be done must be done.
we're having a lan party tomorrow over at eric's. my brother and some friends are coming into town and we're gonna have a wolfenstein tourney. yeah. i've been practicing on cracked servers and think i'm a whole lot better than the first time we played. i don't know why i have such a strange fascination with fps games. i think i feel more connected, like i have more impact.
i'll probably go to school tomorrow for a short while. i need to cut two more metal pieces i forgot about and then cut the top and bottom wood pieces. i want to start construction but something tells me i should wait till the welding is done. yup. boring stuff. going to play some wolf now.
Monday, June 16, 2003
wedding photos
i actually took more pictures than the photographer for the wedding. heheh. i guess that's what you do when you don't know anyone there including the bride and groom.
alt="zpics/wedding1" border="1" width="150" height="113">
alt="zpics/wedding2.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113">
alt="zpics/wedding3.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113">
alt="zpics/wedding4.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113">
alt="zpics/wedding5.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113">lets play ketchup
Thursday: my pecan crusted chicken tenders came out very well. i had a small dinner party and served chicken tenders, a salad, mashed potatoes, and apple cinnamon cake.
Friday: went home to Boremont for Father's day.
Saturday: we bought my dad one of those isotonic memory pillows, a 208 cd case, and a self-propelled lawn mower. my brother asked me to come to a wedding his girlfriend was in because he didn't want to have to sit by himself. it was an outdoor wedding at this quaint little bed and breakfast place. the wedding was held outside. i thought the whole thing was gorgeous. this is only the second wedding i've ever been to. i wasn't that impressed with the first one i went to but this one was very nice. still, it seemed like such a waste to spend 12,000 dollars for only 2.5 hours of a day. charmaine, my brother's girlfriend, caught the bouquet. the reception was also held outside next to the gazebo the couple were married under. the wedding cake was delicious! oh, i almost forgot, they had a chocolate bar at the buffet. there was this chocolate fountain in the middle and fruit on the side. after sticking a fruit with a toothpick, you ran the thing under the streaming chocolate. yummmmy.
Sunday: we had a steak dinner at jeremy's house for father's day. jeremy cooked up some huge medium rare steaks and his mother cooked potatoes, green beans, corn, and toast. i brought the salad with my new recipe for dressing. jeremy and i headed home around 4pm. i was exhausted by the time we got back and we had to get some grocery shopping done.
Monday: i went to school around 8am. we're in production mode right now in my studio. the first half of the studio is about designing furniture. i'm making a kitchen island. i spent most of today learning how to use a bandsaw, a drill press, and a sander. i was working with metal so i have shards of metal all over my clothing. at first, was really scared of the "wood shop" but now that i'm learning how to use the equipment and getting some practice in, i think it's really fun.
i had to order more metal today because two pieces i got were too short. i went to pick them up after finishing with school and got to the metal shop too late. 3 minutes late! doh. anyhow, jerms is cooking up some gumbo and i've changed into my "after school" clothing. i can't go around wearing metal shards. :)
i like the fact that the woodshop is only open till 5pm because it means that i get to go home and rest at the end of the day and not worry about having to work some more.
i have to go pick up the steel from the metal shop tomorrow before heading off to school. i also need to remember to pack my own lunch. they have a mandatory lunch break between 12-1pm every day so that people don't work in the wood shop on an empty stomach.
i'll post pictures of the wedding later. it's time to eat.
Friday: went home to Boremont for Father's day.
Saturday: we bought my dad one of those isotonic memory pillows, a 208 cd case, and a self-propelled lawn mower. my brother asked me to come to a wedding his girlfriend was in because he didn't want to have to sit by himself. it was an outdoor wedding at this quaint little bed and breakfast place. the wedding was held outside. i thought the whole thing was gorgeous. this is only the second wedding i've ever been to. i wasn't that impressed with the first one i went to but this one was very nice. still, it seemed like such a waste to spend 12,000 dollars for only 2.5 hours of a day. charmaine, my brother's girlfriend, caught the bouquet. the reception was also held outside next to the gazebo the couple were married under. the wedding cake was delicious! oh, i almost forgot, they had a chocolate bar at the buffet. there was this chocolate fountain in the middle and fruit on the side. after sticking a fruit with a toothpick, you ran the thing under the streaming chocolate. yummmmy.
Sunday: we had a steak dinner at jeremy's house for father's day. jeremy cooked up some huge medium rare steaks and his mother cooked potatoes, green beans, corn, and toast. i brought the salad with my new recipe for dressing. jeremy and i headed home around 4pm. i was exhausted by the time we got back and we had to get some grocery shopping done.
Monday: i went to school around 8am. we're in production mode right now in my studio. the first half of the studio is about designing furniture. i'm making a kitchen island. i spent most of today learning how to use a bandsaw, a drill press, and a sander. i was working with metal so i have shards of metal all over my clothing. at first, was really scared of the "wood shop" but now that i'm learning how to use the equipment and getting some practice in, i think it's really fun.
i had to order more metal today because two pieces i got were too short. i went to pick them up after finishing with school and got to the metal shop too late. 3 minutes late! doh. anyhow, jerms is cooking up some gumbo and i've changed into my "after school" clothing. i can't go around wearing metal shards. :)
i like the fact that the woodshop is only open till 5pm because it means that i get to go home and rest at the end of the day and not worry about having to work some more.
i have to go pick up the steel from the metal shop tomorrow before heading off to school. i also need to remember to pack my own lunch. they have a mandatory lunch break between 12-1pm every day so that people don't work in the wood shop on an empty stomach.
i'll post pictures of the wedding later. it's time to eat.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
baking failure 101
i want to be martha stewart or rachel ray. the problem is that everything i touch turns to mush. baking is a great love of mine. i loved to watch my mother bake deserts in the oven. however, i often ran out as soon as she would start because i knew i'd be doing a lot of dishes. sweet things are a really big love for me. watching cooking shows about baking deserts make me melt for some reason. i'm totally captivated. i love the delicacy and detail that goes into the work. it's like eating a piece of art.
so anyhow, i saw this recipe on the food network today that was supposed to be relatively easy since it used yellow cake mix. it was an apple cake. basically all you do is do the yellow cake mix and pour it into a pan. then you cut up one apple into small pieces, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon all over them, and then place them on top of the mix. you bake the sucker for about 30-35 minutes then let it cool. cut a piece out and serve vanilla ice cream on top and you have melted heaven on a plate.
now, here's the problem. i don't know if it's my oven or just me but i have a severe problem with either burning my baked goods or undercooking them. i took the cake out of the oven and it was golden brown all around. i stuck two toothpicks in the middle and they both came out clean. later, i noticed, cake batter was starting to exude out of the top of the cake. that's when i realized the center of the cake wasn't cooked through! argh! i was able to save the side pieces of the cake but am once again annoyed at my failed baking attempt. next time, i'm going to use a fork to test the cake instead of a toothpick.
tomorrow, i'm going to make an attempt at one of rachel ray's 30 minute meals which includes a chicken tender salad with home made dressing. mmmm.. of course, something tells me that we might be ordering out if things go as usual. :)
on martha's kitchen tomorrow, she's doing a show on deserts. yeah!!!
so anyhow, i saw this recipe on the food network today that was supposed to be relatively easy since it used yellow cake mix. it was an apple cake. basically all you do is do the yellow cake mix and pour it into a pan. then you cut up one apple into small pieces, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon all over them, and then place them on top of the mix. you bake the sucker for about 30-35 minutes then let it cool. cut a piece out and serve vanilla ice cream on top and you have melted heaven on a plate.
now, here's the problem. i don't know if it's my oven or just me but i have a severe problem with either burning my baked goods or undercooking them. i took the cake out of the oven and it was golden brown all around. i stuck two toothpicks in the middle and they both came out clean. later, i noticed, cake batter was starting to exude out of the top of the cake. that's when i realized the center of the cake wasn't cooked through! argh! i was able to save the side pieces of the cake but am once again annoyed at my failed baking attempt. next time, i'm going to use a fork to test the cake instead of a toothpick.
tomorrow, i'm going to make an attempt at one of rachel ray's 30 minute meals which includes a chicken tender salad with home made dressing. mmmm.. of course, something tells me that we might be ordering out if things go as usual. :)
on martha's kitchen tomorrow, she's doing a show on deserts. yeah!!!
Sunday, June 8, 2003
i love the smell of sunday dinner
mmmmmm.. i can smell jeremy cooking in the kitchen. he's whoopin up some chicken fried deer steak, home made mash potatoes, home made gravy, and some corn. no, he didn't hunt the deer. his father likes to hunt so we get free meat when we go home to visit. i used to refuse to eat anything that had been "hunted" but i'm a lot more practical now.... especially since i'm not the one cooking.
useless sundays, just the way i like them.
today has been useless. woke up, at chicken and rice soup, drank a home made mexican martini, took a nap, and harassed jeremy.
tigger's health has been fluctuating. jerm's sister thinks he might be rejecting the protein base of his food so we might have to find another type of high-fiber diet for him. he keeps throwing up his food which isn't good. i feel like he hasn't eaten a good meal in a week now. i think he might be slowly starving himself. luckily he's a big cat and has lots of cushion to room. if this were dessy, i'd be super worried since she's already so thin.
we thought he had gotten better earlier this week. he finally came from under the couch and returned to being semi-active. he had enough energy to jump over the barricade upstairs and cuddle with me in bed after i get home from school. we have a lot in common. love of eating and love of sleeping. i might have to take him to the vet tomorrow. i'm just so afraid they're going to jerk our chain around with expensive shots, blood tests, and medicine.
tigger's health has been fluctuating. jerm's sister thinks he might be rejecting the protein base of his food so we might have to find another type of high-fiber diet for him. he keeps throwing up his food which isn't good. i feel like he hasn't eaten a good meal in a week now. i think he might be slowly starving himself. luckily he's a big cat and has lots of cushion to room. if this were dessy, i'd be super worried since she's already so thin.
we thought he had gotten better earlier this week. he finally came from under the couch and returned to being semi-active. he had enough energy to jump over the barricade upstairs and cuddle with me in bed after i get home from school. we have a lot in common. love of eating and love of sleeping. i might have to take him to the vet tomorrow. i'm just so afraid they're going to jerk our chain around with expensive shots, blood tests, and medicine.
Saturday, June 7, 2003
kabobs galore
we went over to eric's place yesterday because akash had invited us to partake in his dinner. the menu was to include kabobs, humus, rice, cucumber salad, and cheesecake. of course, whenever akash says he's cooking for you, it means he's going to manage a dinner party. delegation. i was outside with eric, jeremy, mike, chris, and sean keeping an eye on the grill and the kabobs. :) mmmm. we snagged a lot before they were able to get inside. everyone liked the chicken ones better than the beef. i'm partial to the cow myself but what do i know?
i felt like we segregated ourselves from the dinner party a bit, but none of us knew akash's friends and they didn't really seem to be our type. who knows. guess it's part of the anti-social streak we have. had we known it was going to be such a large event, we probalby would have declined the invitation. it was a very good free meal though... unfortunately, we had to wait till almost 10pm to eat it all.
today, jeremy, eric, and i are going to check out this place called the catfish parlour. supposedly they serve all you can eat catfish for some really good prices. eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat.
i felt like we segregated ourselves from the dinner party a bit, but none of us knew akash's friends and they didn't really seem to be our type. who knows. guess it's part of the anti-social streak we have. had we known it was going to be such a large event, we probalby would have declined the invitation. it was a very good free meal though... unfortunately, we had to wait till almost 10pm to eat it all.
today, jeremy, eric, and i are going to check out this place called the catfish parlour. supposedly they serve all you can eat catfish for some really good prices. eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat.
Friday, June 6, 2003
sinking or swimming?
being a moral nihilist, i have a different way of reacting to society than most people. i'm very skeptical at what is presented to me. i'm also suspicious of words that follow "supposed to" and "the right way"...
but that doesn't mean i deny that society shapes you and creates your environment and thus effects your resulting actions within that society. but what are you allowed to reject? and what should you yield to for the sake of "happiness".
does society define our ideals or do our ideals define society? am i to take from the world around me some kind of clue as to how comfortable i should be in my own skin? would people ever be miserable if other people weren't around? the tricky thing about surviving in my world, is combing out what is acceptable and what is intolerable. nothing is completely ever accepted. besides, what is it about this american society that points to the big happy sun and the blue fluffy clouds? shouldn't it be okay that we skim through life on grey smog and falling stars?
as i get older and watch the definition of "life" change for myself and my friends, i begin to wonder how much we conform to a system, a system which has been proven to be the most effective form of happiness. the "natural system" of finding a loving relationship, having children [procreating thus doing our worldly duties], making money, complaining about taxes, finding drinking buddies at work, and sending our kids off to soccer practice or college. my father is convinced that there is no happier path to life than this. i, however, am not so convinced.
so many of my girlfriends and boyfriends told me that they would find happiness when they found a mate. i've found a relationship. a pretty real one at that. but being in a relationship has not made me any happier than i was before. it simply has altered my path slightly, for better or worse. maybe the sad truth is that we have to learn find meaning within ourselves and no amount of excuses of future accomplishments can change that. what if no one or no event has the power to make us emotionally satisfied with ourselves? what if those things which i have mentioned earlier are simply distracters so that you don't have to think about it. so that for 18 years of your life you can worry about the kid's problems, not your own. or instead of finding your own path, you simply worry about how to maintain a successful path to marriage or a relationship? i mean with so many social pressures, it's easy to lose yourself. would it be so bad if we spent our lives finding a way to love ourselves for who we are? flat chest, flabby thighs, lack of friends and all? hmmm.. maybe it would take more time than its worth. :)
i get afraid when i find myself fighting the current of society's ideals. because when you're drowning, it's hard to determine what is up and down. what would mean sinking and what would mean staying afloat?
but that doesn't mean i deny that society shapes you and creates your environment and thus effects your resulting actions within that society. but what are you allowed to reject? and what should you yield to for the sake of "happiness".
does society define our ideals or do our ideals define society? am i to take from the world around me some kind of clue as to how comfortable i should be in my own skin? would people ever be miserable if other people weren't around? the tricky thing about surviving in my world, is combing out what is acceptable and what is intolerable. nothing is completely ever accepted. besides, what is it about this american society that points to the big happy sun and the blue fluffy clouds? shouldn't it be okay that we skim through life on grey smog and falling stars?
as i get older and watch the definition of "life" change for myself and my friends, i begin to wonder how much we conform to a system, a system which has been proven to be the most effective form of happiness. the "natural system" of finding a loving relationship, having children [procreating thus doing our worldly duties], making money, complaining about taxes, finding drinking buddies at work, and sending our kids off to soccer practice or college. my father is convinced that there is no happier path to life than this. i, however, am not so convinced.
so many of my girlfriends and boyfriends told me that they would find happiness when they found a mate. i've found a relationship. a pretty real one at that. but being in a relationship has not made me any happier than i was before. it simply has altered my path slightly, for better or worse. maybe the sad truth is that we have to learn find meaning within ourselves and no amount of excuses of future accomplishments can change that. what if no one or no event has the power to make us emotionally satisfied with ourselves? what if those things which i have mentioned earlier are simply distracters so that you don't have to think about it. so that for 18 years of your life you can worry about the kid's problems, not your own. or instead of finding your own path, you simply worry about how to maintain a successful path to marriage or a relationship? i mean with so many social pressures, it's easy to lose yourself. would it be so bad if we spent our lives finding a way to love ourselves for who we are? flat chest, flabby thighs, lack of friends and all? hmmm.. maybe it would take more time than its worth. :)
i get afraid when i find myself fighting the current of society's ideals. because when you're drowning, it's hard to determine what is up and down. what would mean sinking and what would mean staying afloat?
where oh where are my WMD?
hahahahaha..this counterpunch list is great.
http://www.counterpunch.org/wmd05292003.html
"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
Dick Cheney August 26, 2002
[yeah, they must have been talking about saddam's massive wanker]
They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer.
Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003
[cleary, rumsfeld. clearly so. they were destroyed in the old camp fire]
http://www.counterpunch.org/wmd05292003.html
"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
Dick Cheney August 26, 2002
[yeah, they must have been talking about saddam's massive wanker]
They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer.
Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003
[cleary, rumsfeld. clearly so. they were destroyed in the old camp fire]
Tuesday, June 3, 2003
no signs of improvement
i kept waking up around 3am then 4am and then 5am. i couldn't sleep because the medicine had worn off and my throat felt like it was sandpaper. it hurt to breath and it hurt to swallow. i thought eating something would help but it only made me want to throw up. around 5am i walked downstairs and laid down on the couch with my head propped up so i could breath through my nostrils. i checked up on tigger. he was laying very still like he was last night with his paws tucked up under his belly. he's so miserable. you can tell because he's hiding in nooks whereas when he's healthy, he likes to get in the way. he also puked twice this morning while i was downstairs. i gave dessy some food this morning and he didn't even budge which is crazy.
jeremy's sister is in vet school so we're gonna call her and see what she thinks. she's been working at a vet clinic for over three years so hopefully she's seen similar cases. however, the symptoms are pretty vague so who knows. if all else fails, there's a vet clinic down the street.
jeremy's sister is in vet school so we're gonna call her and see what she thinks. she's been working at a vet clinic for over three years so hopefully she's seen similar cases. however, the symptoms are pretty vague so who knows. if all else fails, there's a vet clinic down the street.
Monday, June 2, 2003
sick as a cat
in other news, tigger and i are both sick. i woke up with a terrible sore throat. my nose is runny and my insides feel like a mucus bomb exploded. tigger has been throwing up all day. i hope he didn't eat something poisonous.
i'm just going to try and lay down today and get some rest. i've been drinking lots of water. i don't want to be sick when school starts in two days.
i'm just going to try and lay down today and get some rest. i've been drinking lots of water. i don't want to be sick when school starts in two days.
a post from the commy who is going to hell
well, i read all of the post that were commented on my last entry. i had meant to respond in some capacity but only am still reeling from the conversations i had with my friends. it is moments like those that are pretty pivotal. when you're no longer high school friends wondering when the next lan party is. this is when you know, you've come to that cross road and things will never be the same again. it doesn't come all at once like some large car wreck. this was a gradual rocky road we have traveled together.
situations like these have happened to several good friends before. a very good friend, my very last "girl" friend, suddenly developed strong attachments to the libertarian party. she also had it out with me over the issue of pro-choice. and it's like once they know how i feel about things, they are highly offended, probably as i am of them. but i don't deliberately attack people by saying, "well, that's okay. because you're going to hell anyways." or "if you wanna be a commy, you should move to russia."
i'm not sure how even the idea of mentioning equality causes people to pin me down as an communist. hell, i'm not calling for every man or woman to be the same or have the same things. all men are not created equal despite what our founding forefathers wanted to delude themselves into believing (sarcasm). there is no solid solution the drastic inequalities that exist, at least that i know of for fact, in austin. so if there exists a program that gives people in poorer neighborhoods a chance to attend college whereas they wouldn't have, i support that. i'll be the first to admit that it is causing a lot of racial tension and is unfair on many levels. but in the end, i say, "go home and cry toy our mommy, whitey."
what made me so mad the other day..and not while i was arguing but as i reflected back on the conversation was when one of the guy said, "i worked hard to get where i am today. and if i can do it, so can everyone else." and that's the statement i hear from everyone who feels that there shouldn't be any programs that reach out. and why should they, they're the ones on top. the guy who said that had parents who paid for his entire college tuition. who FLEW him home for visits when the drive is only 3 and a half hours away. his parents call him every day to this day. and while he sat on his ass for two and half years after graduation without a job, his parents paid for his living.
now he's a spoiled as i say i was quite spoiled too. the difference is that i recognize that i was privileged when getting to where i am today. i don't delude myself into thinking that i am who i am today because i only worked really hard. i don't think it is as simple as that. just as this conversation isn't as simple as the words i am jotting down.
the hard evidence asked for by the replied post isn't here in neat little tables and charts. this isn't a paper based off of sources cited. this is an entry based off of my entire existence from the reality i perceive. but i see things. i read things. i have studied these things before.
i know that in the poorer part of austin which is east austin (where i live in a tiny college nook), 58% are hispanic, 9% white, and 33% african american. whereas in this entire county, 21% are hispanic, 73% white, and 11% african american. and i guess my friend would tell me that regardless of the racial zoning that went on in 1928 in the City of Austin Master Plan, anyone who wanted to could pick up and move somewhere else today. probably even despite the fact that real estate agents and banks have purposely tried to cap the growth of the ethnic minority in the northern and western parts of austin by redlining certain areas where minority buyers could not secure loans. sure, it's all in the past. these things don't happen now, right?
the census data in 1990 shows that the median household income of east austin residents was half that of all travis county residents. east austin residents averaged a median household income of 13,000 while travis county as a whole had a median household income of 27,000. that's more than double that of east austin residents. in west austin the larges range of income was from 100,000 up and that consists of 21.3% of the residents. in east austin, the largest income ranges from 20,000 a year consisting of 65.4% of the residents. in the education department, west austing has 35.4% of residents having at least a bachelors degree, 30.3% a graduate degree, and 20.5% some college. whereas in austin, 30.3% have less than a 9th grade education, 28% 9th through 12 grade with no graduation, and 21.5% with a high school graduation.
these numbers speak something to me. they tell me that with that much disparity, something should be done on the primary education level so that those who want to can have some sort of an opportunity. education is key in everything. not just academic education but life knowledge. knowing where you stand and where you can go. knowing what must be done in order for things to improve. i don't think that even these basic things are being taught. for example, without educating the public, how are they to know how to combat industrial zoning in their neighborhood. without education, how are people in "revitalized parts of the downtown area" supposed to know that they have a right to secure their property without being displaced so their homes can be converted to cozy expensive bungalows? i care that my friends refuse to see that injustice exists. at least recognize that you're not super geniuses who climbed their way to the top. their privileged children who never had to walk a day in their lives.
it's really all about perception, i suppose. the world is an existence full of a cluster of truths and half truths, and reality and disreality. who knows what we're really perceiving. in the complexity of what is there or what i believe is there, i feel there is something off. i recognize that and what i do with that recognition is of my own accord as it is with everyone else. but i'm glad i at least see it.
and regardless of my political position in 10 years, i am who i am now. and that will effect who i am tomorrow. and in my opinion, that's probably a good thing for me.
situations like these have happened to several good friends before. a very good friend, my very last "girl" friend, suddenly developed strong attachments to the libertarian party. she also had it out with me over the issue of pro-choice. and it's like once they know how i feel about things, they are highly offended, probably as i am of them. but i don't deliberately attack people by saying, "well, that's okay. because you're going to hell anyways." or "if you wanna be a commy, you should move to russia."
i'm not sure how even the idea of mentioning equality causes people to pin me down as an communist. hell, i'm not calling for every man or woman to be the same or have the same things. all men are not created equal despite what our founding forefathers wanted to delude themselves into believing (sarcasm). there is no solid solution the drastic inequalities that exist, at least that i know of for fact, in austin. so if there exists a program that gives people in poorer neighborhoods a chance to attend college whereas they wouldn't have, i support that. i'll be the first to admit that it is causing a lot of racial tension and is unfair on many levels. but in the end, i say, "go home and cry toy our mommy, whitey."
what made me so mad the other day..and not while i was arguing but as i reflected back on the conversation was when one of the guy said, "i worked hard to get where i am today. and if i can do it, so can everyone else." and that's the statement i hear from everyone who feels that there shouldn't be any programs that reach out. and why should they, they're the ones on top. the guy who said that had parents who paid for his entire college tuition. who FLEW him home for visits when the drive is only 3 and a half hours away. his parents call him every day to this day. and while he sat on his ass for two and half years after graduation without a job, his parents paid for his living.
now he's a spoiled as i say i was quite spoiled too. the difference is that i recognize that i was privileged when getting to where i am today. i don't delude myself into thinking that i am who i am today because i only worked really hard. i don't think it is as simple as that. just as this conversation isn't as simple as the words i am jotting down.
the hard evidence asked for by the replied post isn't here in neat little tables and charts. this isn't a paper based off of sources cited. this is an entry based off of my entire existence from the reality i perceive. but i see things. i read things. i have studied these things before.
i know that in the poorer part of austin which is east austin (where i live in a tiny college nook), 58% are hispanic, 9% white, and 33% african american. whereas in this entire county, 21% are hispanic, 73% white, and 11% african american. and i guess my friend would tell me that regardless of the racial zoning that went on in 1928 in the City of Austin Master Plan, anyone who wanted to could pick up and move somewhere else today. probably even despite the fact that real estate agents and banks have purposely tried to cap the growth of the ethnic minority in the northern and western parts of austin by redlining certain areas where minority buyers could not secure loans. sure, it's all in the past. these things don't happen now, right?
the census data in 1990 shows that the median household income of east austin residents was half that of all travis county residents. east austin residents averaged a median household income of 13,000 while travis county as a whole had a median household income of 27,000. that's more than double that of east austin residents. in west austin the larges range of income was from 100,000 up and that consists of 21.3% of the residents. in east austin, the largest income ranges from 20,000 a year consisting of 65.4% of the residents. in the education department, west austing has 35.4% of residents having at least a bachelors degree, 30.3% a graduate degree, and 20.5% some college. whereas in austin, 30.3% have less than a 9th grade education, 28% 9th through 12 grade with no graduation, and 21.5% with a high school graduation.
these numbers speak something to me. they tell me that with that much disparity, something should be done on the primary education level so that those who want to can have some sort of an opportunity. education is key in everything. not just academic education but life knowledge. knowing where you stand and where you can go. knowing what must be done in order for things to improve. i don't think that even these basic things are being taught. for example, without educating the public, how are they to know how to combat industrial zoning in their neighborhood. without education, how are people in "revitalized parts of the downtown area" supposed to know that they have a right to secure their property without being displaced so their homes can be converted to cozy expensive bungalows? i care that my friends refuse to see that injustice exists. at least recognize that you're not super geniuses who climbed their way to the top. their privileged children who never had to walk a day in their lives.
it's really all about perception, i suppose. the world is an existence full of a cluster of truths and half truths, and reality and disreality. who knows what we're really perceiving. in the complexity of what is there or what i believe is there, i feel there is something off. i recognize that and what i do with that recognition is of my own accord as it is with everyone else. but i'm glad i at least see it.
and regardless of my political position in 10 years, i am who i am now. and that will effect who i am tomorrow. and in my opinion, that's probably a good thing for me.
Sunday, June 1, 2003
things my friends and i argue about
argh. i'm so seriously pissed off at my friends. they're all extremely conservative people so of course on a number of subjects we do not get along.
a friend of ours, akash, came over last night after he got off of work. his friend thurall, also came over. we started talking about hygiene and stuff. it was really light banter. then, we decided to head up north to eric's place, whom akash lives with...along with eric's brother sean. when we got there, sean's friend mike was there and we watched eric play wolfenstien briefly. eric has to wake up early for work so he went to bed around 10:30pm. i was sitting in the kitchen talking to akash and thurall. for some reason, we started talking about college scholarships.
i had mentioned how one of my old friends who is filipino got a hispanic scholarship because his name was perez. then that's when the whole thing exploded. we got into this huge argument. akash, sean, thurall, and mike against me. we were discussing about racial discrimination that occurs during college admittance.
there's this program in texas called the top 10% admittance rule. it allows whoever is in the top 10% of their highschool get into a state school automatically. this was enacted so that school's existing in the lower poverty level would have kids that get accepted into college. in this case, it is possible that a kid with a lower gpa and lower test score could get into a texas college while someone who is more "qualified" would get rejected.
i realize that this situation is not fair or perfect nor is it a good solution. but i don't believe the solution to the problem is to pull out these opportunities and just say "hey, you know what? i made it so fuck you. you can make it on your own too."
i think it's a selfish sort of idea that just because there are people who grow up in a situation which does not foster opportunities like our own, we say it's not our problem. i don't believe in welfare. i don't believe people should be equal. what i want is to lessen the disparity between the gap.
society's function with less tension, violence, and problems when there is a greater amount of working class people. where there is not such a wide gap between people who own 5 vacation houses and those who can't afford pencils for their children to go to school.
i don't want my friends to change their views. i'm not asking them to change their lifestyle. all i'm asking is for them to recognize that there is a disparity out there. that not everyone starts out at 0. to recognize that they were privileged enough to have a good start and that others never get to start. i just want them to stop saying things like "well their parents were illegal immigrants, they shouldn't even be here." or "just because their parents can't speak english and decide to have 8 children, that's not my problem. they brought it on themselves." or "if they really wanted to get a good job and leave the bad neighborhoods and move to the better part of town, they could. they're just too lazy."
i have problems with these generalizations because one, they're false and two, they're racists and ignorant. it's just another way for people to turn a blind eye.
just because i have socialist ideals does not mean i want to turn the country into some commy-ville. it doesn't mean i want everyone to be equal. i don't believe in a harmonious equality for mankind. i just have a problem with the great disparity between rich and poor. no one needs their own jet plane. but that's another story. i'm just tired of hearing people telling me to move to europe. that i don't belong in america. maybe i don't. sorry for stepping in your way. for causing you to have a moment to think about how you got where you are..and where others will never get to go.
i guess in the end, it doesn't really matter. i don't do much except for talk about it myself. i guess just knowing that there are very few people who recognize how lucky they are...is beyond annoying.
and don't even get me started on gay marriages. i believe what was said was "marriage is defined by the religious majority's definition, which is a bond between one man and one woman." after awhile, i got him to retract that statement. otherwise, we would have gotten into another serious argument. i mean, they kept talking about majority rule and how it'll be okay whenever everyone accepts it. i just kept saying, regardless of the law, regardless of popular opinion, it's a right. that right exists for any two people who want to commit themselves to one another. then we started talking about the defense of marriage act...and ugh. i don't even want to get into that. it makes me so angry thinking about it. how can they waste such time on ridiculous crap and wonder why good legislation never addresses education on a primary level.
well yesterday started out good. i'll put that in another post. i have to go cool of now that i've worked myself up again.
a friend of ours, akash, came over last night after he got off of work. his friend thurall, also came over. we started talking about hygiene and stuff. it was really light banter. then, we decided to head up north to eric's place, whom akash lives with...along with eric's brother sean. when we got there, sean's friend mike was there and we watched eric play wolfenstien briefly. eric has to wake up early for work so he went to bed around 10:30pm. i was sitting in the kitchen talking to akash and thurall. for some reason, we started talking about college scholarships.
i had mentioned how one of my old friends who is filipino got a hispanic scholarship because his name was perez. then that's when the whole thing exploded. we got into this huge argument. akash, sean, thurall, and mike against me. we were discussing about racial discrimination that occurs during college admittance.
there's this program in texas called the top 10% admittance rule. it allows whoever is in the top 10% of their highschool get into a state school automatically. this was enacted so that school's existing in the lower poverty level would have kids that get accepted into college. in this case, it is possible that a kid with a lower gpa and lower test score could get into a texas college while someone who is more "qualified" would get rejected.
i realize that this situation is not fair or perfect nor is it a good solution. but i don't believe the solution to the problem is to pull out these opportunities and just say "hey, you know what? i made it so fuck you. you can make it on your own too."
i think it's a selfish sort of idea that just because there are people who grow up in a situation which does not foster opportunities like our own, we say it's not our problem. i don't believe in welfare. i don't believe people should be equal. what i want is to lessen the disparity between the gap.
society's function with less tension, violence, and problems when there is a greater amount of working class people. where there is not such a wide gap between people who own 5 vacation houses and those who can't afford pencils for their children to go to school.
i don't want my friends to change their views. i'm not asking them to change their lifestyle. all i'm asking is for them to recognize that there is a disparity out there. that not everyone starts out at 0. to recognize that they were privileged enough to have a good start and that others never get to start. i just want them to stop saying things like "well their parents were illegal immigrants, they shouldn't even be here." or "just because their parents can't speak english and decide to have 8 children, that's not my problem. they brought it on themselves." or "if they really wanted to get a good job and leave the bad neighborhoods and move to the better part of town, they could. they're just too lazy."
i have problems with these generalizations because one, they're false and two, they're racists and ignorant. it's just another way for people to turn a blind eye.
just because i have socialist ideals does not mean i want to turn the country into some commy-ville. it doesn't mean i want everyone to be equal. i don't believe in a harmonious equality for mankind. i just have a problem with the great disparity between rich and poor. no one needs their own jet plane. but that's another story. i'm just tired of hearing people telling me to move to europe. that i don't belong in america. maybe i don't. sorry for stepping in your way. for causing you to have a moment to think about how you got where you are..and where others will never get to go.
i guess in the end, it doesn't really matter. i don't do much except for talk about it myself. i guess just knowing that there are very few people who recognize how lucky they are...is beyond annoying.
and don't even get me started on gay marriages. i believe what was said was "marriage is defined by the religious majority's definition, which is a bond between one man and one woman." after awhile, i got him to retract that statement. otherwise, we would have gotten into another serious argument. i mean, they kept talking about majority rule and how it'll be okay whenever everyone accepts it. i just kept saying, regardless of the law, regardless of popular opinion, it's a right. that right exists for any two people who want to commit themselves to one another. then we started talking about the defense of marriage act...and ugh. i don't even want to get into that. it makes me so angry thinking about it. how can they waste such time on ridiculous crap and wonder why good legislation never addresses education on a primary level.
well yesterday started out good. i'll put that in another post. i have to go cool of now that i've worked myself up again.
Friday, May 30, 2003
midnight rodeo
last night, my friend eric and i went out dancing. we couldn't convince jeremy to go. he says "i'm a gamer not a dancer." as if that were a real excuse. anyhow, we went to this place called midnight rodeo. my compromise with my friend is that if i go country dancing with him, he'll go clubbing with me. so we got to this place i knew i was going to feel totally odd in...nothing but white cowboy girls and boys...and your hand picked selection of hoochies.
i got to learn the two step, the polka, and the waltz. i also picked up a few spins and extra moves as well. it's a pretty fun dance. i like it because it has rhythm and structure. i like both kinds of dancing. the place had a band called emotions. they sang great country music but every other song they would sing some raps. the guy came out singing 50cent, then eminem, then nelly, b2k, vanilla ice, and baby got back. it was way wrong. just because you can say the words doesn't mean you should sing it.
what was even more of a hoot was watching all these white hicks try to dance to r&b. they wouldn't dance but rather "strut"... basically, it was that kind of shake shake wiggle wiggle thing people do that you see on tv a lot. it's not a full expression but rather, here i am, look at me. it's kind of cute actually. i loved watching all the chicks strut their stuff.
we left when i started to get really crowded because then you're not really country dancing, you're slow dancing.
today, jeremy took off half a day so we're going to go see finding nemo and go out for lunch.
i got to learn the two step, the polka, and the waltz. i also picked up a few spins and extra moves as well. it's a pretty fun dance. i like it because it has rhythm and structure. i like both kinds of dancing. the place had a band called emotions. they sang great country music but every other song they would sing some raps. the guy came out singing 50cent, then eminem, then nelly, b2k, vanilla ice, and baby got back. it was way wrong. just because you can say the words doesn't mean you should sing it.
what was even more of a hoot was watching all these white hicks try to dance to r&b. they wouldn't dance but rather "strut"... basically, it was that kind of shake shake wiggle wiggle thing people do that you see on tv a lot. it's not a full expression but rather, here i am, look at me. it's kind of cute actually. i loved watching all the chicks strut their stuff.
we left when i started to get really crowded because then you're not really country dancing, you're slow dancing.
today, jeremy took off half a day so we're going to go see finding nemo and go out for lunch.
Thursday, May 29, 2003
15 gay bachelors
http://www.cnn.com/2003/SHOWBIZ/TV/05/27/television.bravo.reut/index.html
there's this new reality show on bravo that was supposed to air a few days ago. it features one gay man looking for love and supposedly 15 potential bachelors to choose from. however, some of those bachelors (the amount is undisclosed to the public) are straight men. the producers of the show are saying that this kind of reality show will begin to allow viewers to explore male stereotypes.
i think it's a sham. i don't think you can truly understand male behavior when you know that half the men are behaving the way they are because they are paid actors. i think this is another one of those shows that should have been a pivotal movement in our society but has turned into a circus. of course, this just goes to show that gay and straight people alike have their fair share of idiots.
there's this new reality show on bravo that was supposed to air a few days ago. it features one gay man looking for love and supposedly 15 potential bachelors to choose from. however, some of those bachelors (the amount is undisclosed to the public) are straight men. the producers of the show are saying that this kind of reality show will begin to allow viewers to explore male stereotypes.
i think it's a sham. i don't think you can truly understand male behavior when you know that half the men are behaving the way they are because they are paid actors. i think this is another one of those shows that should have been a pivotal movement in our society but has turned into a circus. of course, this just goes to show that gay and straight people alike have their fair share of idiots.