what's so wrong with pefection?

i'm a horrible person. i really want to go out tonight. i really want to escape. i feel like our home is a prison. my father thinks i'm mentally ill. he's under the impression that people who don't like to be complacent and settle for normal, simple, and perfect lives are sick. he's not the only one and this is nothing new for me to hear. i don't know why i want more. i don't know why i can just find elation in predictability and security.

i want to go out tonight.. i already said that. jeremy's sick and i'm mad at him for it. what the hell is wrong with me? if i were sick, he'd be there for me. he'd support me two thousand percent and make sure whatever i want is fulfilled. he'd do anything to make me feel comfortable. what do i do? i complain about feeling cooped up and how much i want to go out. i fucking sicken myself sometimes. and he'll go out even though he's sick because he's so concerned about what makes me happy. what's wrong with him? i would have left me so long ago.... but he's not me. he's pefect. and that's why he drives me crazy.