yes, your highness

"....to be questioning the veracity of our own American president, is the height of irresponsible," said Lott, R-Mississippi. "He needs to come home and keep his mouth shut."

http://www.cnn.com/2002/ALLPOLITICS/09/29/iraq.debate/index.html

wow. we've gone from a democracy to a dictatorship pretty fast. that's a pretty quick turnover rate aye? i guess why stop there huh. why don't we just rename ourselves SLAVES of the United States instead of "citizens"???

it's a valid quesiton though... how much of our status as Americans is undermined if we don't allow authority to work free from the standards of normal citizens? is it the power given to those in charge that has pushed for our American luxuries and state of power....something we, as peons, can't understand or appreciate??

i don't know sometimes. it's almost like we're saying "if you like the way things are here, shut up and look away"

proof of disbelief

i just had this argument with one of john's friends who was trying to prove to all of us that god exists by reasoning of deduction. he was basically trying to take everyone's beliefs and prove that their beliefs are flawed and therefore are invalid..thus concluding that his belief in god is the only clear truth in this world. he was using a logic to try and prove that god exists. he's also a philosophy major so he was really big into really complicated logic/reasoning stuff. every time he made a statement trying to prove that by deduction god exists, he would digress into something completely arbitrary to the point...which did not prove that god exists.

i came in from the stand point that his logic can be correct and that it is possible for him to convince us through logic that god exists but that does not conclude that in REALITY god exists. there is a possibility that although he believes that god exists and he can convince us that go exists, that there is a possibility that god does not exist.

i actually got him to say that that was possibility. score 1 for me. score 0 for him.

i never understand why people try to prove to other people that god exists. why can't they just stick to faith based reasoning. "i believe in god because i believe in god." i buy that. i accept that. i will never try to disprove to anyone their belief in god. but when they go about saying things like "i can prove to you that god exists," they actually harm their own credibility...and they end up looking like asses.

ah well. i was supposed to head to bed early but now its 4am. i guess i just can't walk away from a philosophical debate... its just so rare these days. people at UT are so indifferent to their own religion that its never been an issue. and i normally don't bother unless someone challenges me.

thursday lunch

This past Thursday I hooked up with . I wasn't actually sure if I'd have enough nerve to meet her. I'm always very afraid that people will think of me one way from what I write and then be totally turned off when they meet me in person. I think it's the same way with the phone too. I used to have a friend who I mostly communicated with through email and phone. Whenever we hooked in real life, things were always awkward.

Anyhow, things went really well I think. I was actually pretty calm and relaxed. Some people are just easy to be with..its like you have an instant connection and you can just be yourself. We went to Thai Noodle near campus because she said she has never eaten Thai food before. I know! I couldn't believe it either! hehehe. Luckily, she liked it... SCORE: 1 for Thai food! After we were done eating, we walked over to Dobie Mall and got strawberry bananna smoothies. mmmm.. they were good. I really like the old guy that works there because he's really nice to me and treats me like a regular. The woman doesn't like me much I think..or is just indifferent... I don't normally click with older women for some reason...or most women for that matter. Anyhow, I'm digressing.

and I talked about a lot of things... things I normally wouldn't tell strangers. I think it was because of the pre-friendship that happened during live journal convos. She's got me involved with Pride Week coming up too. I think I'm going to actually have enough nerve to participate since I've got a friend in the organizaiton. It's always good to be growing...

I'm prolly going to eat out tonight with some friends and get ice cream! I'm so looking forward to the ice cream. mmmmm....

show me the money

i need money!!!
i need money!!!

i'm so pissed off at our bedsheets. they just don't fit the bed right and always end up popping off. i know why too. we put the egg crate foam on top of the mattress and the sheets aren't oversized. it's annoying. tug on one side and the other one comes off..and now the egg crate is doing this horrible wavy thing.

my brother bought 300 count egyptian cotton for his bed this summer and it is NICE. i wish we could buy that for our bed...but we just don't have any money right now to waste on beding.

sitting beings

jerms: My stomach!
me: what?
jerms: my stocmach hurts!
me: why?
jerms: cuz i just ate grade-z quality meat

yah. we just went to taco cabana for a late late dinner. i sware i hate myself sometimes. i go through these annual eating patterns ...from fairly good to very poor. i'm close to my very poor phase right now. And since jerms has been here, he's been driving me to class and picking me up....so i haven't been getting the walking exercises i would be getting otherwise. must force myself to do physical activity. it's amazing how indoors we have become. sitting beings.

jerms just ate some tums. i'm wondering why i can hold in grade-z meat better than he can.

hmmm..

we ended up...

we ended up renting the panic room and also watching john q.
i thought they were both decent movies with a few minor flaws here and there. the acting was good at least. after watching john q. i felt totally worthless to the world. my profession is such a joke...or is it? i'm thinking of pursuing urban planning more and more..or leaning towards architecture that works with affordable housing. more to think about later.

our friend, eric, just called. he wants to come over and watch the Aggie game on our big screen. i suppose he'll be over soon. i planned on working on my history paper today. maybe i won't watch the game with them. i'm hungry though. i need FOOD!

orange juice and cheeze-its aren't going to cut it. these past few weeks, my mind has been unclear. i'm sure there's some chinese herb that could help me out...or maybe a dietary change would help. what helps clear the mind?

short clip

eating a sour strip. i'm tired. i just got back from school.
i spent all last night hand rendering an elevation from our project. we didn't even get one hint of recognition for it. i guess it'll be nice to have for my portfolio now but still, would have been nice to get some notice.

looking forward to dinner. i'm hungry as heck since i didn't get to eat lunch today.
we're about to head out to blockbuster for our weekly movie. i don't know what we'll get. i don't think anything of note came out this week.

okie doke. jerms is finished shaving his bristlies off. i'm outie.

worthy investments

i'm always dreaming that the people who are the closest to me will betray me. i believe that it is my worst fear, betrayal. there's this idea about obligation and posession that exists in a relationship, whether platonic or romantic. i think this comes from the investment of time and committment that goes into creating a successful friendship or relationship. in the end, if someone betrays you, it seems to make all of that investment seem futile. but it's kind of like having non refundable chips. if you don't play, if you don't gamble, those chips you walk out with are worthless and you're just left with yourself.

and how can you not invest or gamble? there are so many exquisite characters out in the world. i was thinking the other day how i always shy away from the people i most admire in the world. i guess i feel that my presence will contaminate their purity. sometimes when my mind is demented i dream of having the power to capture these people and put them in golden cages where they will be forced to spend all eternity with me alone. of course, that would make them feeble and uninteresting.

teach me, feed me, inspire me

Lalee's Kin

as if days no longer had a purpose anymore..
as if moments are simply meaningful only to the day...

today has been a very long day for me. i had a group meeting after school that lasted till midnight. we ordered chinese take out for supper.

i watched Lalee's Kin on HBO, a documentary "that follows three generations of African-Americans as they battle poverty and illiteracy in America's Mississippi Delta" while i was waiting to go to my group meeting. it only reaffirms my belief of how sheltered we all are from real suffering. i hate it when people tell me that everyone in America has it good. it's all relative, yes. perhaps in other parts of the world, people have it worse. yes. i'm aware of that. however, these are our neighbors, our fellow countrymen and we can't see it. how can we when we're too busy supping up our mocha chinos and muffins?

there was one scene where the kids missed the first few days of school because their mother couldn't afford the pencils and papers they needed. i just sat their baffled. i throw away pencils and papers. we have closets full of these things that we'll never use.

the family they tracked also didn't have running water or an income. the grandmother was taking care of five children. her own children were either dead, in jail, or working two to three hours away.

the most heartbreaking part is that the world they grow up in doesn't tell them that there is a world other than poverty. the kids are illiterate and one of the children has flunked out of kindergarten twice. the public school was on probation and the teachers are of the lowest rate.

my brother came and sat down to watch it for a few minutes and commented on how depressing it was. jeremy came home early from playing basketball and watched the ending with me. he commented on how much better off those children would be if people like he and i would volunteer our time to teach the kids. i told him that conditions like this exist in Austin too... we just don't see it.

my stupid mouth

while we are supposed to be past public stoning, i wouldn't be surprised if i got myself close to being stoned one day. i'm not all that outspoken and i'm not very brave but sometimes i really brush against the grain of society. social morals are actually very much alive today..and mob mentality is certainly strong in texas anyhow.

the event:
well everyone knows that sept 11 was patriots day. on my way to get a smoothie with one of my studiomates, we saw a box of free flags. without thinking, we both picked one up..i think that's just university mentality. i brought mine home to hang up in front of the condo because i knew it would annoy my brother. (it's still sitting on the dining room chair.) my studio mate had his in the studio for a few days and decided he didn't want it anymore. he was about to throw it away but then decided that he couldn't do it. i told him that he would have won some serious kudos with me if he had done it. so instead of throwing it away, he stashed it in some abandoned desk where, no doubt, the custodian will throw it away later.

one of my group members was with me when i said what i said...and he was totally disgusted by my lack of respect for the flag. i don't see the difference between my indifference to someone not wanting their cheap plastic flag anymore and the guy's lack of care for owning the flag. how is that different? regardless of who does it, the flag will be thrown away as many flags have.

does this make me or them un-american? hardly. i have very little tolerance for socially fabricated idolatries.

.....which brings me to irrational ideologies...but that's another story all together.

make me motivated

well we've got more room to maneuver now that jerm's parents have taken half our stuff. i didn't do much of anything this weekend except sleep and work. i've been consumed by my studio work. four two more weeks i'll be stuck doing a group project. i always think i'll love working with other people, collaborating on a group effort but i swear, it's so frustrating sometimes. i think it kind of works when you're an undergraduate but not so well as a grad student. everyone's schedule is just so off.

anyhow, our site is in cuba...some small beach area that this firm in Houston is proposing for this entire beach resort community. the approach our team has taken is to create a new cultural capital for latin america on this stretch of land. we're having some difficulties. i personally think this project is bunk and can't wait to get back to the real meat of the studio which is "branding." If you don't know what branding is go check out this site..http://www.rooster.co.uk/..
i wanted to take this studio because it us a very divergent track of architecture...one which could prove to be quite lucrative. who knows.. i don't know if anything is lucrative anymore..except a law degree. :)

i'm off to go read history. bleh.

zumtastic tacos

yesterday i had tacos at the ZUM party. heh.
ZUM is the clan my brother, Jerms, and our friends are in that play warcraft 3.
two fo the guys in the group are friends jeremy and i went to highschool with.
One of them is bumming at the other's place until he finds a place of his own. he decided to cook tacos last night for like 8 of us. jeremy ended up helping a lot cuz the guy really has no experience cooking much. they even made guacamole which i liked..even though i thought i wouldn't.

after we were done eating, jeremy and i headed back to our condo and rented High Crimes and bought icecream from the grocery store.

Right now, it's time to eat again. late lunch i suppose. i'm starving.

zumtastic tacos

yesterday i had tacos at the ZUM party. heh.
ZUM is the clan my brother, Jerms, and our friends are in that play warcraft 3.
two fo the guys in the group are friends jeremy and i went to highschool with.
One of them is bumming at the other's place until he finds a place of his own. he decided to cook tacos last night for like 8 of us. jeremy ended up helping a lot cuz the guy really has no experience cooking much. they even made guacamole which i liked..even though i thought i wouldn't.

after we were done eating, jeremy and i headed back to our condo and rented High Crimes and bought icecream from the grocery store.

Right now, it's time to eat again. late lunch i suppose. i'm starving.

the ceasar pleaser

Yesterday, Jeremy and I headed over to the Student Union to find something to eat before Archery. He ended up in the Mexican Food line and I went to my usual Field OF Greens place for a Chicken Ceasar Salad. Normally, I get this old lady who has serious attitude issues and refuses to add or subtract things from anyone's salad. You get it the way she makes it.

This time I got in line and this new lady was there. She started asking me how my day was and actually meant for me to answer. She kept chatting with me while she was making my salad and went on and on about how weird it would be if she refused to give people salad dressing or what not. I told her that the other lady wouldn't give 1.5 scoops of dressing. She told me that if she's there, she can do that for me. The other lady snapped at me when I asked for 1.5 the last time. She said "there ain't no one and half. there's only one more two!"

so it's really cool that i have a contact with one of the food workers now. perhaps i can get a little bacon bit put on my salad next time as well! hehehe. and maybe an extra roll.

ready! aim! shoot!

this past week, i've been going with my brother to play some archery. there's an organization here that lets you just pick up the bow and start shooting. i'd taken lessons before so it wasn't a big deal starting again. in fact, i was doing really well and so was jeremy. unfortunately, we found out today that you have to be a university student to be in the organization...otherwise, you can't shoot. that freaking sucks. now jeremy can't play anymore. i don't know if i'll continue now.

it's really fun shooting such a primitive weapon. my bow as really heavy and my left arm got a real work out. i think i'll try to find a range outside of the school.

this weekend jeremy's parents are coming to pick up our spare refrigerator, microwave, recliner, dining table, and bed. thank goodness. we'll finally be able to live like normal human beings...no more weaving around large pieces of furniture.

hypocracy of my profession

as you can tell, i've been very busy living outside of my pc world which is both
depressing and engaging for me. i've become engrossed in the realm of education and experience but there has been some serious side effects. i feel as though the more educated i become, the more i learn, the more i become disillusioned with the world. i'm also very paranoid now of the lies behind our governing body, our political system, and the people we trust to protect us. as a professional, there seems to be some obligation to turn our attention to the problems of the world, or at least in our present environment. however, i am seeing that the more professional or educated someone is, the less they are aware of the public sector.

architects, especially in the academic realm, are taught how to see, interpret, and design. we are taught to perceive on a marco and micro level and apply our knowledge to process. nowhere, in my education in the architecture field have i ever been taught about a responsibility to society. our responsibility lies in the pockets of our clients. we seem to only hail architects of monumental and residential delights.. you know, the big budget projects.

have we been immersed into a profession of lies? in which we tell people that we are doing something, contributing to society, when we're really only contributing to the top tier of society? so much of what goes on with people in the professional world, the people who have power, has little to do with creating a better world, working toward national interests. that's just what they want you to think.

and it's so frustrating because i see so many of these young, enthusiastic colleagues of mine buying into the idea that, to put it bluntly, designing building for the rich, elite makes your profession valid. it's irresponsible in my opinion but i guess greed and ideals are too competing references in the US anyhow.

i have much disdain for my professors, my fellow students, and my profession all together. i have taken a lot of urban planning classes this past year (by mistake) and have found that there are people who aren't afraid to deal with reality. who aren't too busy writing novels about the theory of urban problems, but creating solutions and ideas that address these issues that plague the modern city.

i'm not sure where i will go with my field of study. if i will simply ignore my conscious and this entire spew of disgust or if i will pursue some course of action. isn't that the problem of our society, that it is acceptable to live a hypocritical lifestyle.

god, i hope some of that made sense.

till dinner

we didn't make it in time to get the dim sum this weekend. i guess we'll try another weekend. we ended up eating at el arroyos instead even though i've sworn of mexican food. i feel like i'm slipping off the deep end into lunacy. i can't imagine ever being a vegan or vegetarian. i have already sworn off fast food and it's just a pain in the ass..not just for me but my friends as well. i feel bloated all the time now. i also feel hungry more often. i just love the whole process and idea of eating good food..and different combinations of good food. i wonder if they invented a drug that would kill your appetite forever, if i could take it.

i've spent all night playing catch up to my paid work. i'm still pretty behind in my school work...already! this is madness. jeremy's supposed to wake up around 7am to go play basketball with our friend adrian. he's been hankering to get out and do sports activities. he's not quite the cave bear i am. :) he crashed out a few hours ago. i'm about to join him...cuz i can't take anymore. as you can see, he's stolen my teddy bear and yellow blankets. time to reclaim. :D

dim sum yum!

we're going out for lunch today at a chinese style buffet. i think the buffet is called "dim sum" for the type of food they serve. basically, they roll around these carts full of little dishes of food and you grab them if you want them. it's good to go in a big group so you can get more bang for your buck.

also on the list for my weekend is to catch up on paid work, catch up on school work, and clean this place up. jerms brought up the idea last night about us volunteering on saturdays at habitat for humanity. i've always wanted to work with that organization for several reasons. one, they're one of the only true people that provide real affordable housing for people on "working wages." second, it's good for architecture students to go out and learn how buildings are put together. i have never volunteered out there though because i can not stand being in the sun. i told him, we could do a soup kitchen thing instead. how lame am i?

anyhow, gonna go shower up now and get ready for lunch.

architecture renderings are dead

after the unforunate accident i call my studio prof of last fall, i've been pretty lucky with getting great studio instructors. last semester, i got a visiting prof from brooklyn with his own firm. this year, i've got this guy who's teaching us about identity and branding.

some people may say i'm copping out of "real design" but i can't help but love this stuff. i love things that i feel are part of a progressive movement. i keep hearing people drone on and on about the power of drafting, water colors, and other renderings/drawings i consider either a waste of time or a lie. i'm sick of people showing me their wonderful water color renderings of buildings and calling that real. that's not real. true, it may encompass the feeling you are after, but that's not what the client's going to get and often, it's not what the building looks like in real life.

i strongly believe in the power of virtual reality and 3d modeling. i feel strongly about building in a 3d-reality. if architects keep holding onto this illusion called "renderings" they're going to be surpassed by this reality called "software."

everything hurts

having jerms here is weird. it's actually pretty unsettling in a good way i suppose. i was living by myself for the first time in my life this summer...and now i have my brother and jerms in the house and its a nonstop barrage of company. i like it of course but it's weird considering just a few weeks ago, i came home to just my cats.

jerms is a very bad distraction for me. living with him is like constantly living with your best friend so it's so tempting to have fun all the time. i have to keep forcing myself to separate and do work. tomorrow is my early day and i have quite a bit of time after it until my next class. it's so tempting to have jeremy come pick me up and crash until my afternoon class. however, i'm thinking of staying on campus and trying to do some work.

my body is killing me. i think i've been feeling the aftershock of this past weekends labor intensive move. i've been horribly tired all the time and have continued back and neck pains. and for some reason, the left side of my tongue hurts. pain.. pain pain...

we all went out ot eat ice cream tonight. it was a short little adventure but ice cream is a must. :) it's funny how all of us from A&M ended up living in Austin. i guess after living in nowhere for four or five years, it's just natural to run to somewhere as fast as possible. :)

the new world

my mind is reaching its demise. i fight with myself every day. disappointment, self-loathing, self-pity, and self-correction. nothing is sacred and nothing is above anything in my world, but everything is always better on the other side...where i do not reside.

i have been grappling with the topic of possession in my head for the past few weeks. i've been trying to rationalize the ideals of possession and companionship. i'm trying to rationalize the ideas of monogamy and commitment. i'm still fighting with myself wondering if there is a solution..if there is some way i can change my entire world without losing sanity.

queen of the damned be damned

we rented Queen of the Damned this Friday before Jeremy's move.
i was actually pretty excited about renting it despite
the horrible reviews and Anne Rice's refusal to make comments on it.

i was horribly dissapointed in every way possible. i didn't think it could be worse than interview with a vampire. i liked interview in a lot of ways but overall found a strong disconnect between it and the novel iteself. i felt like they didn't even need anne rice's storyline on this. they could have just made up their own bull shit plot and ran with it.

one of the most beautiful things about anne rice's vampire series is the intricate weaving of personalities, story lines, and characters that have developed over centuries. this crappy shitty movie was like watching some horrible mtv video. and what was with the crappy voice overs? i don't know what anne rice was thinking when she signed away the rights to her story. there was just so much they could have done with this novel, it's such a shame they did nothing with it.

so much for quality entertainment.

the move: part1

well it's been absolute mayhem around here for the past three days. this weekend was jerm's move-in weekend. we did a lot of driving, a lot of waiting, a lot of loading, unloading, and sorting. we're still nowhere near finished. we've finally got enough stored away so that everyone has some walking room. we've prolly still got another week till everything is situated. unfortunately, we've got two refrigerators now and so one is sitting in the entryway blocking a direct passage. we've also go two dining room tables, two couches, and three recliners. hopefully his parents can come this weekend and at least take away the fridge.

it all started friday when jeremy came down from austin. we took apart my bed and went around storing its contents throughout the condo. we also made room in my room and the living room for the massive invasion of his furniture and boxes. saturday, we woke up early early to drive to ft. worth
with Adrian (our friend), and John (and his caravan of friends). jeremy, adrian, and i were in one car. we actually left first and drove directly to the uhaul place 30 minutes away from jeremy's apartment. this is when the trouble began....to be continued.