old lady and a pizza

as i was walking to school today, i passed an old homeless lady waiting at the bus stop. she was screaming about how she didn't understand and something about a doctor. i also passed an old man limping on the sidewalk carrying an armful of newspapers. up the street, i passed two couples aruing about something. i couldn't hear a word but there was a lot of body language. after i got my smoothie (the lady made it today, so it wasn't as good), i sat down and started to read stuff for my class. another girl sat down a few tables in front of me with two pizza slices and a roll. i couldn't stop watching her eat. i don't know why i have this fascination with watching people eat. i had to stop watching though because she kept dipping her roll into the pizza grease before eating it. hehehe. i don't know why i find that so disgusting. afterall, i dip my pizza crust into garlic sauce from papa johns. it's always different when it's not you i suppose.

studying? yeah right

i made a feeble attempt to start studying for my exam tonight. i got two pages read and then i decided i needed a nap. haha. i then decided to dance around my room like a maniac and do some sit ups and arm exercises. then, i harrased jerms on the phone till he was too grumpy to think. i guess i'm selfish sometimes because i demand for him to stay up talking to me..when i know he's got to wake up early in the morning for work. i can't wait till tomorrow when i can go get my smoothie. i'm so addicted. hmmm. i wonder if they put any addictive substances in it.

hot fries and pickles

every day i wake up hoping something extraordinary will happen in my life. every day i live a pretty monotonous life. i'm wondering if extraordinary things can happen to ordinary people or is that extraordinary things happen to extraordinary people because they make them happen. or perhaps it's just about being at the right place at the right time.

i'm suppin' on my strawberry bannana smoothie right now. the guy doesn't even have to ask me what i want anymore. today he made it perfect. every sip has a perfect consistency of ice crystals for me to chew on. i always love a good contrast in taste and feel. i like chocolate milk shakes with fries. i like lime with salt on them. i like hot fries with my pickles. hehe. i'm weird. oh well.

late rise

i actually went to bed early last night! that was a first. however, i had this totally engaging dream so i was unable to wake up till now..which is late. i wanted to get up early this morning to start studying for my exam..the one i don't want to think about..the one i've been procrastinating for all summer. i'm so dead. oh. i won't think about that now. i'm going to get ready for school now.

doop doop doop. do a little dance.

cash or credit

i decided to go to the korean market after school to get some oyster sauce and some salty preserved fruit thingys. the total came out to like 5 something. i handed the guy my credit card and he was like "you don't carry any cash on you?" at first i was confused because the door had like 4 credit card signs on it. i knew i had cash but i didn't want to use it. i need my cash for the smoothie place because they don't take credit card. urgh. i had to use my cash to appease this dude. if they don't want credit cards, they shouldn't allow them. how i pay shouldn't be up to the store clerk. retard. it really pissed me off.

i made myself a sandwich when i got back and starting watching the Shipping News. I didn't get to finish it because the movie kept getting messed up. i then took a nap with the kitties and am now installing norton antivirus on my computer...so far 16 viruses found...damn. and i only had norton uninstalled for two weeks.

noodles and more

i'm still up! what am i doing up? i just fixed myself some hot chocolate...trying to subside my late night hunger. i need to be writing a short little abstract for my class tomorrow..but i can't get myself to do it. there's a million other things i'd rather be doing... like study my kitties' behaviors. tigger, as i have monitored, is the exhibitionist. he likes to lay out there where he's seen. dessy is the hider. she always finds some inconspicuous spot to curl up in. right now, she's underneath my dresser. ugh. must make myself do work. must.

noodles and more

this weeked was pretty lazy. jerms and i woke up late saturday afternoon. we called up our friend eric and went out to eat at jason's deli. afterwards, we went to go see Austin Powers Goldmember. I have to admit it was a lot better than i thought it would be. the cameos were pretty good. it's a shame that the movie had to have a plot because the jokes were amusing enough. later that night, we went out to Trudy's and i got to drink a mexican martini. i really love that drink since it tastes a lot like my lime and salt concoction. we popped in the 13th warrior when we got home and watched that.

sunday, jerms and i woke up late again. we headed out to best buy where jerms bought me the sims vacation. :) yeah. we then stopped by the grocery store so he could buy a few ingredients for lunch. he cooked us some thai noodles..yummy..and we watched Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. that's pretty much how my weekend went.
nothing too exciting. click here for pics of jerms cooking

just another friday

i did my best to cook some pork tonight and do a bit of a stir fry dish. i didn't think it came out all that well but jerms said he liked it. he's prolly grateful for anything he doesn't have to cook. we got two movies tonight..american psycho (i wanted jerms to see it) and the time machine which neither of us has seen before. the time machine was all right...a lot better than i thought it was going to be. we also went out to marble's slab for some icecream..mmm. since HEB grocery store was right next to the icecream shop, we went and bought some water and orange juice. the store has a self-checkout lane which was fun to use. it gets a bit hectic sometimes when you're looking up fruits and vegetable numbers. jerms is pooped out. it's his bed time. i'm still wide awake. i think i'll play some sims for awhile before heading to bed.

promises

despite the promises i made to myself, i have stayed up late again. there's something about this week that has been pressing and bothering me. i have this sinking feeling in my heart as if something terribly horrible has taken over me. i don't know what it is. i can't shake it. oh well. i think i shall try to read and fall asleep.

jerms is coming tomorrow. i can't wait. we're supposed to cook some pork and stuff for dinner and we have a 10 week block buster card to rent movies. i know he's going to make me go to bed early. he's a fuddy duddy like that...but something about being forced to do stuff you don't want to do is kinda fun...in a sick sort of way.. until it becomes oppression. he's the devoted, responsible one..and i'm the rebellious, irresponsible one..not to mention horrible and mean. :)
ah well. maybe i can sleep tomorrow away until he comes.

fathers and black holes

it makes me so sick to hear about empty parental relationships. it makes me so angry when i see people having to hate their fathers because their fathers are dicks. it makes me angry because it is so overlooked. these fundamental @ssholes go about screaming and crying about saving babies but why aren't people throwing tantrums about parents that suck? don't they realize that a fetus can never suffer as much as a thinking neglected or hurt child? oh! it makes me livid...the hypocracy of it all. and it makes me so so sad. i love my father very much and i think everyone should be afforded the right to love their parents.
if your own children can't love you, then you have no business being a parent. this is why we should have an application process to have a child. :) damn..too bad.

shower power

i spent all day doing webpage stuff. tigger and dessy slept through it all. i'm wondering if it's daylight outside. i have no idea. i just took a shower and am thinking about dinner. i have no idea what to eat though. i'm also thinking about taking a nap. doop doop doop. nothing to do.

psychotic dreamer

my dream: this dream does not reflect any sort of reality.

i just had a weirdo dream about and (two of my lj friends) and the 9/11 attacks. i dreamt that anhedonia had come back from her trip and had posted this huge lj post about her trip including about 20 or so pictures. however, everything in her post was jumbled and i couldn't read or see anything clearly. for some reason, this disturbed me and i made this crazy decision to drive up to california to visit them. the next thing i know, i'm getting out of a cab at their house and there's no one home. i break in somehow because i'm in a bedroom looking at some print outs of her post. i start to read it when i realize that she'd be pissed if she knew i was reading her personal stuff. then i realized that i was crazy because i had broken into their house. i quickly ran out of the house and tried to sneak away. at this point, my heart was racing with the realization of where i was and how preposterous it all was. just as i was escaping, a car pulls up and it's anhedonia! i panic completely trying to disguise myself and continue walking. however, another car pulls up behind her and it's octopus and they both have a look of recognition on their face. i know i'm screwed. they both get out of their car, rather flustered, and ask me what i'm doing there. i told them that i just wanted to visit them. for some reason, they understood and invited me to come into their house. the next thing i know, anhedonia and i are talking. she's next to a building pulling at some flowers. she tells me how much she longs to have many children but octopus doesn't want any more because he has two from a previous marriage. she has red hair now and it's long. she starts to cry and i ask her why and she says something about the coldness of the world.

the next thing i know, i'm at best buy looking through the cd rack for the As Good as it Gets soundtrack. at first, i can't find it..but then i see the words but the picture on the cover doesn't match the movie. i quickly call jeremy on my cellphone and ask him what is going on. he doesn't know. the tvs in the store are replaying the 9/11 attack only all i see is fire. i'm terrified by this for some reason.

the next thing i know, i'm standing in downtown manhattan. i'm trying to get into a cab. things are falling all around me and i see darkness and fire. everything is a blur from then on. fancy people are around me now. we're trying to do a group project but everyone thinks i'm too stupid to contribute. they're all wearing fancy dresses. i feel small and depressed. i go walking to some coffee shop and order a non-coffee coffee..

that's all i can remember.

nipples

now it is 5am. and i'm wondering why it is that men have nipples?
do they have any purpose? ah well.

i got my pictures uploaded.. yeah. i've taken a ton of tigger post-shaved and i also have pictures from july 4th.



click here for July 4th pics
click here for tigger shaved pics

dead of night

it is almost 4am, the ending of night and the beginning of morning. this is what i consider the twilight zone. for some reason, my heart is racing and my mind is whirling about in some state of haze. tigger just woke up from his long nap on my bed. he's scoping himself out in the mirror right now. i wonder where dessy is. hmmmm. i've been spending all night searching for a good script to display a gallery of images. i've tested out several methods so far..and haven't really liked any of them. i may have found one. i'm testing it out right now. it's always exciting when i can get a script to work for me.
i'm a dork.

i wonder what people are dreaming about right now.

strawberry fields

i made it through my class. i came home, fed the kitties, took out their litter, did the dishes, and fixed myself a snack of strawberries, pickles, and cheezits. sometimes i scare myself. i have weirdo taste buds or something. i'm tired. i want to take a nap just like my tigger and dessy are doing right now. i wish i were a cat.

dirty frank

i'm on break right now. this class has made me sleepy. i just want to close my eyes and sink into a bed..never to return. :) i realized that i am a violent person. i keep getting these images of slapping people...especially my prof.. and for no other reason than him being boring. oh well. i'm a bad mother *shut yo mouth*...hey man, i'm just talkin' about dirty frank..

tantrum

okay. i am a five year old.

i don't want to go to school!!!
i DO NOT want to go to schoo!!!
I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL!

losing faith in faith

well i'm a slacker and didn't go to bed till late late late. actually, it's still not as bad as when i was in undergrad. i remember staying on the net till ten minutes before my morning class. hahahaha. needless to say, i didn't do too well my first semester. :)
with the help of a few wake up calls from jerms, i finally woke up today. as i got cleaned up and dressed i went psycho crazy dancing to some tori songs. then i checked my email and found a link to this old picture taken of me with my old AASG group. We had hosted an event featuring Dan Barker, minister turned atheist. Here's the picture..
my parents hated that i was a part of that group. i'm glad i was though. i met some pretty awesome people..although they are a little too intense for me.

i guess i better get ready for school. i'm finding it harder and harder to get up because i have nothing to look forward to in the day. that's sad.

go to sleep

hmm. i'm kind of sleepy right now having played games on my computer all evening. first i played sims, then i played naval battle yahoo game with jeremy, then word racer, and then i played the sims again. i've been trying to put together a story for my album. anyhow, i don't want to go to sleep even though i know i should. i think i'm rebeling against myself.

I got a free smoothie today. I used my buy 10 get one free card. It's always nice to get free things. I used to sign up for stuff on the internet to get free things.
I'm at a break right now in my class. We just got done watching a movie on a conflict between ranchers and U.S. Forest Services. I can't wait for class to be over. I've been sketching my professor's face in my notebook. He's got one of those faces that's very cartoony. It's easy to do caricatures of him. Anyhow, I think I'll use the rest of my break to use the restroom. toodleloooo!

PIMP KITTY

kitty-mySTA

saturday night

i used our camcorder to tape jerm's reaction to Tigger's new haircut. He was on the floor rolling. I sware he didn't stop laughing for ten minutes. It's amazing how much his behavior has changed since the new do. Since he's much cooler he's into cuddling more to stay warm. :) bonus for me. Dessy has reacted pretty badly to his new look which i think she views as offensive. It's going to take her awhile to get used to it I think. She still hisses every once in awhile when he comes near her. Now she's being the anti-social one. I never knew cats went so much on looks..i always thought it was just scent. Everyone who has seen Tigger has commented on how he doesn't look so fat without all that fur..but he's still got a pink pot belly which makes me giggle.

we might actually get a game of shadowrun going on tonight. the boys are downstairs getting character creations finished up. we shall see. it's one of those nights where i'm extermely restless. i guess it doesn't help that i woke up at 5am this morning totally wired. I've been pretty much that way all day.

shave the cat

yesterday, i got tigger shaved by a friend of mine who works at a vet clinic. it's totally hilarious! i almost died when i first saw him. He's so tiny now. I even had a bit of his tail left so he looks like a lion now. It's so cute. Too cute. He was so exhausted from the whole ordeal he slept forever last night. Hopefully he'll be nice and cool for the rest of the summer.

was it her..

who went by you as you crossed your legs
and held your hands together grasping the
napkin that was stained with drink you
ordered almost two hours ago as you
waited for your past to return making amends
the pain which made you the wicked wretch
you are today...

baaa baaaa

my stomach is aching for some reason. perhaps it's because i've been obsessing over food these past few days. i don't know what's wrong with me. i just took a shower and i feel clean and fresh..my hair is still partially wet. it's almost 3am and i'm thinking about re-arranging my closet. the way it is now is pretty inefficient. jerms is going to be moving in at the end of next month. i don't know how we're going to fit all of his stuff. we're going to be like sardines in a can. hey, have you ever played that game? Sardines in a Can. Basically it's like hide and seek in reverse. ONE person goes and hides and everyone else goes looking for this person..starting in time intervals. once you find the person, you have to hide too. eventually, the pack gets too large to be hidden..or that's the idea. this game only works in large buildings. i played it at day care once. the place was so huge we actually had to start making sheep noises so people could find us.

as if it matters anymore

why do they tell me these things, as if i cared. because you think i'm a great friend but i'm not. and you think i'm somebody worth hanging on to but i'm not. you just don't know what kind of a horrid person is inside..who is civil because she's afraid of being caught.. she's afraid everyone will find out just how dark and terrible she is..
i'm so paranoid. as if this is all a game to make me feel small and pointless. but i suppose that's what i get for thinking i could grow up being something more than a nobody..and no amount of hallmark b.s. will stop me from thinking otherwise.

indifference

i don't know if i ever said but the people at the Chippery (where i get my strawberry bananna shake everytime i go to school) finally remembered me. The guy was like "larger strawberry bannana?" i was like "Yup!". heheh. it only took a month. i love their shake..it's mmmlicious times 10000.

i have that lost feeling again..as if the demons of nothingness are coming to consume me. i don't know who to be, when to be, or if i'm really being me..if there is a me. i wonder what it's like to go through life never contemplating or questioning our existence. what is it to be human.. to eat, live, die, kill, burn, slay, rape, torture, steal, love, comfort..etc.. and i wonder how much of happiness is genuine and part of our natural reality. afterall, our happiness is usually at another's expense even if we can't see it.... but tomorrow, i'll get up and go about my day...wow, how easy it is to be indifferent.

benson says it all

great, a benson cartoon explains what i mean...

Capitalism, welcome to hell

today we played the prisoner's dilemma as an exercise in class...well a variation of it.
my opposition in class was some girl who refused to cooperate, so we both lost out in the end. Many people defected in the game to earn more money by breaking trust. I think the exercise was supposed to teach us that cooperative negotiation..aka. tit for tat yeilds the most optimum result. Competitive negotiation eventually fails once the trust has been diluted. He says that often we don't serve our best interests in trying to win..

The whole ordeal made me think about American vs. other nations. I can see so easily how they can hate us..how capitalism and morality do not go hand in hand. Our business practices are and have been unethical for years. Everyone in this country has to be aware of this..but is there much we can do about it?

I want to say more on us vs. world but it's just not nice...and i don't want to be pinned a traitor..hehehehe

I guess for now it's just me making observations..it's so easy to make accusations and judgements when you're standing on the mountain. how can i even begin to touch on the hurt and pain of others who wish us dead beyond reason. why don't they educate us on these things? why do we deny this hatred? ignore it...as we have for years. America the great... that's all we need to know. :P

morrow's gonna go

i'm somewhat disoriented this morning. i've been having these flashes of my hallucinated life. how much of this life is fantasy? how closely does my percieved reality coincide with reality..if there is one.

strawberry fields forever

i've been watching a lot of movies lately. i guess that's the great thing about summertime. my list this summer so far has been: (i rated them on a scale of 1-10)

Minority Report (7)
Mulholland Drive (9)
Bourne Identity (5)
A Beautiful Mind (6)
Rollerball (3)
Sexy Beast (5)
Black Hawk Down (8)
Strictly Ballroom (9)
Men in Black II (3)
Reign of Fire (5)
Gossford Park (9)
Orange County (1)
Rugrats in Paris (2)
Summer of Sam (4)
I am Sam (9)
Full Metal Jacket (4)
The Majestic (4)
Quills (7)


One of the recent movies that I just saw that I really liked was I am Sam. I really didn't expect much out of this film since I wasn't impressed with the previews. I have to say I really liked this movie a lot. It was filmed very well.. only a few minor moments in the script that could have used work..but overall a very good film. It's got a great soundtrack as well. I recommend them both.

When I came home from Ft. Worth today, I watched the Majestic. I was not impressed with this movie at all. I thought it was rather straight forward, great patriotic messsage, but just overflowing with nostalgia and sappyness. I was impressed that Carrey was able to pull off the character. In fact, the characters were all great, the script was fine, but the plot just lacked the complexity I was searching for.

I got the tv working up in my room. I think the cable connection is bad because the tv keeps going in and out. Oh well. I guess it'd be too much for everything to work out. I start my second round of summer class tomorrow. I'm hoping the workload will be light.
:/ we'll see.

the interview

so i'm sitting here at work now. my boss asked me to come up and be a warm body for the interview they are having today. this could be a potentially huge client for our company. they've totally fixed up the office and put up all of their pictures and finally painted the rest of the girl's bathroom. i don't feel like i belong here. i guess they needed female representation.

i woke up late today. i just couldn't drag myself out of bed. i ate lunch with jeremy and john. we had sandwiches. then i drove to work. i have nothing to do except look busy. 4-5 hours that i get paid for..so i guess it's not so bad. our company has been in a huge slump these past few months. i'm hoping the economy picks up.

i'm not sure what we have planned for this evening. i know jeremy is cooking sphagetti for dinner. we might go shopping for clothes. we'll see.

i don't know what to do to fill in the time. stare at the wall?

sim it is

so i installed all of my sim games last night and start playing hot date. i played till about 4am which wasn't smart at all. oh well. i think this game is good therapy for me since i'm such a control freak.

i tried to let one of my guys go to town and pick up a chick but he wasn't too succesful.
so far i've got one family up, two siblings and a father. the mother went off to alaska with an eskimo. hehe.

i'm all packed and ready to head out as soon as i get done with school. YEAH. last day of summer session-one class. Next session doesn't start till next week. vacation here i come! we're planning on visiting the zoo, playing neverwinter nights, and eating lots of yummy food. we'll see how much of that actually manifests. :)

growwwwwwllll

heh. this is how i feel.

bring out the sims

so i finished my paper an hour ago. i've been editing, making my works cited page, and formulating a time line. i still have to come up with a summary sheet and a list of key players for presentation...as if it weren't enough to write a final paper..we actually have to present our findings. :)

i want to finish up here really soon so i can begin reinstalling all of my sim cds. i've been hankering to play for a little while. i also need to pack since i'm heading to ft. worth to visit jeremy and my brother for the weekend.

off i go.

damnit!

argh. i'm so frustrated with myself. i just lost about an hours worth of my paper due to some save error or what not. i'm so mad i'm actually woozy. i'm about to throw up. i hate rewriting stuff. it only gets harder the second time around. now i know where the saying i'm so angry i could spit comes from. i am that angry! i want brake something. i should just get over it, i know. i can't. i'm going to have to fume all during class today. i sware i want to throw something.

SOS

i woke up this morning around 4am from a bad dream..something about a witch throwing me about. i also had to go pee really bad.

i wish it weren't today. i wish it were tomorrow. i wish it were thursday actually. if it were thursday then i'd be done with my paper and presentation.

i have this desire to cook a huge breakfast. eggs sunny side up, bacon strips, blueberry pancakes with hot syrup, ham steak, hash browns, and a pitcher of orange juice.
mmm.. making my mouth water.

no breakfast for me though. i guess it'll have to wait for another life. :)

Cat Nap

i've been cat napping all day. i guess i'm using sleep to avoid my paper...which isn't good. i'm about half way there. that would be a good thing if today was yesterday. unfortunatley, it's today. i've had the munchies all day long today which isn't good since i've done nothing except eat and sleep. i feel blah. i just want to be done.

owwwwaaaange juice

i woke up this morning thinking it was 1:35 but luckily, i'm just blind and it said 11:35. that's still pretty late. i wanted to wake up early to continue working on my final paper. it's due wednesday. i'm really not in the mood to write it. after this crap is over, i'll be done with summer session one. then next week, i'll begin another class. wohoo.

i did some grocery shopping today. i had to go buy two cartons of orange juice, low acid, bread, some Oh's cereal, and a pack of sugar-free gum. now i'm eating toast and drinking OJ. i am just about to get started on the paper again. so far i've got three pages from last night. i'm going to try for 7 today. (equivalent to 14 pages double spaced). ouch.

twweee-hummmmmmmm

i learned how to whistle and hum at the same time this weekend. it's another one of those stupid human tricks. it makes a sound much like a hovering alien ship.
what an accomplishment. :)

Journey

i got up this morning and went to jeremy's house to pick up his mom's mah jongg table. she's giving it to my brother since my brother play's it all the time with his friends. we stopped by Maggie Moo's later that afternoon to go visit our friend who owns it. He was't there but we got ice cream anyhow...need to support the business. :) I actually thought that marble slab's is better..at least what i got. I always get non-fat vanilla ice cream with a reeces penut butter cup mixed in.

the drive home was pretty miserable. there was a traffic jam on I-10 and it cost me an extra hour to get home. i had to slap myself 10 times to keep myself awake. ugh.

for some reason there are a lot of mosquitos in the house. i put on my MosquitoContro that jeremy bought me. it's a wrist device that makes sounds that repel mosquitos that bite you. i don't know if it's working yet. if i have anymore bites within the hour, i'll know it's not working.

It's Friday

bless me. i just sneezed. i woke up this morning and put Practical Magic in the dvd player.
i always like to watch fun movies while i read newspaper ads. my mom cooked us noodles for lunch. right now i'm trying to get my dad to help me covert my avi of dessy's video to svcd so i can play it in a dvd player. i spent all last night trying to convert the movie into a downloadable version. i was finally successful. i got it down to 4 megs. i'm going to try and post it soon. it's such a rough version though.

tonight, our family is supposed to go to jeremy's house cuz they're cooking steaks on the grill. mmmm.
tomorrow morning, jeremy and his dad and my father and brother are going to go fishing. i considered going but i don't condone fishing. how far are you willing to go to be with family? i don't know.
we'll see how i feel after tonight.

there was also a plan to go see MIB II tonight but i don't know if we'll have time. john and my father have to go get a fishing license from Academy. i haven't even touched my final paper which is due this wednesday. i'm so dead.

Fried Fish

jerms and i woke up around 9am this morning and got ready to go to his family reunion.
they had two whole tables full of food, one for the lunch and the other full of deserts. mmm.
the fried fish they cooked was delicious. i felt pretty out of place in a sea of white people. jerms didn't know half of the people there either. i guess we were both strangers for the most part.

when we got back, we watched drop dead gorgeous (second time to see it).
then we had to go back to jeremy's house and feed his dog some sedatives. apparently the fireworks kids have been setting off for the 4th was scaring him and causing him to do harm to himself.

after we got back to my house, jeremy showed me how to make a move with premiere. i started to make a video of dessy to U2's song the sweetest thing. it's pretty cool. it takes a while to get used to.

we might go bowling later tonight.

Home for the Holidays

i just got home from. whew. that was a very long drive.
luckily the road was pretty pact and we were all going above speed limit. it made
the trip easier "pack wolves" speeding. heh. i know. it's bad.

anyhow, when i got home, i discovered no one was home! i wonder where my parents and brother
went? i unloaded the car and fed my cats. i'm waiting for someone to arrive.
i guess i'll go play around with my dad's speakers and try to blow the house down.
heh. i love single family houses. you can play your music as loud as you want.

There goes another 27 million

i woke up this morning and started packing for my trip home to beaumont.
i think jeremy and i are pretty lucky that we both grew up in the same town and that "visiting home" means going to the same place. we're going to be attending a huge fish fry for his family reunion on the 4th. i doubt anyone will pop fireworks. maybe we'll go downtown and watch the city set off some good ones.

i hate packing. i'm sure to forget something. i know.

this makes me mad...what a waste of money by our government:

The thin line of separation...

WASHINGTON, July 2 (AFP) - The US government Tuesday awarded grants totaling 27.7 million dollars to promote sexual abstinence prior to marriage, health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson announced.
"Abstinence education programs create an environment within communities that supports teens in their decision to remain abstinent until marriage," Thompson said.
The 95 grants awarded to churches, schools and health centers are for community-based programs aimed at convincing adolescents between 12 and 18 to abstain from sexual activity as a way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease, including HIV/AIDS.
Thompson said the money will be followed by a second bloc of grants in the fall.
President George W. Bush promised during his presidential campaign to promote abstinence and earlier this year said he would spend 138 million dollars on the campaign in 2003.
Members of the Democratic opposition in Congress said these programs should include information on contraceptives and prevention of sexually transmitted diseases.
In April, a committee of the Republican-dominated House of Representatives voted on a five-year renewal of a federal program promoting sexual abstinence, rejecting a Democrat-backed amendment that would have allowed each of the 50 US states to include information on contraception.
According to federal laws now on the books, the grants may not be used to teach contraceptive methods but only to convince adolescents that sexual teach contraceptive methods but only to convince adolescents that sexual relations outside of marriage may have dangerous consequences. Individual states are free to finance other programs that include contraception and disease prevention.
The Centers of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), a government-funded research organization in Atlanta, Georgia, spends 50 million dollars annually to prevent AIDS in the United States.

And it Keeps on Pouring

i got rained on all the way to school and most of the way back. i stopped off at target to do some shopping and then i filled up my gas tank. 1.19/gal.
class was extremely uninteresting today. i don't remember how many times i started day dreaming. i kept thinking about my cats and how i wanted to be with them instead of in that cold classroom.

i just poured myself a tall glass of oj and started doing some email. i fed the cats and binged a little on some popcorn i made last night.

i should probably take a nap. my eyes are so droopy. i wish there were something interesting for me to do.

ah yes, i forgot to share my kitty pics. i got to take a few cute pics of my cats while they were out cold the other night.

dessy out

sleeping devil

comfy poo!

she wakes!

Raining Reindeer

wow it's raining so hard here. i don't want to go to school. is one class really worth getting that wet? heh. seriously, it's pouring buckets!

these are perfect days where the sun is muted by grey and the rain pitter patters on your window. pit pat pit pat. today would be a great day for lounging with my kitties on the bed..reading a book..maybe anne rice...with the lamp turned on and the window blinds pulled up.

this is not the perfect day to have to trek a mile and a half to school or drive on the highway. if i had my goulashes (however you spell it) i could go splashing through puddles on the way home. i lost them during my many moves. i think maybe they're at my parent's house...too bad.. would have been fun to go splooshing around.

This is the End

i just had this horrible thought that my crowning achievements took place pre-college!
what if i never do anything worthwhile again? what if i simply ship on over to the corporate world, do my money thing, do my family thing, and that's it!? what if i never do anything artistic or creative again? what happened during that black hole i call college education? did it sup something out of me? perhaps my hopes and dreams that there is a future beyond what i can see?

eegats. this can't be it.

Cat talk

the sheets are clean and smell like moutain freshness. i can hear the rain outside. it's pouring down washing over the house like a blanket of rest. i roll over onto my side and reach out to pet tigger who is lying next to me. dessy is at her usual resting spot on my outstretched legs. ahhh.. this is the life.

Weekend vs Futility

we got a group together and started on some characer creations for the Shadowrun RPG we want to play. i spent forever going through everything i needed, carefully sorting through the pages of skills, gear, and attributes.

of course, after a few mock battles between varying members of our group, we discovered that shadowrun has a very uneven combat play. i feel that the combat play is actually very realistic however, it makes our characters highly prone to death...and no one wants to have to start a new character every other week.

i don't know. i still feel like its worth trying. i'm actually not into the "rolling" aspect of the game as i am the "role playing"... i think shadowrun offers a very complex setting for role playing.

anyhoo...we decided that we might give it a shot otherwise we'll move to D&D Edition 3. The best laid plans are damned.

and i hate futility. i've spent so much time on my character that it seems such a shame that i have to drop it. i even created an elaborate history which i'll post later. ah well.

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i've been working on my paper all day long with varying success. i took a nap and dreamt of all the things i have to do before the next two weeks are up. of course, as i dreamt, my goals were exagerated and stretched to impossiblities. when i woke up, it made everything i worry about seem trivial.
....life is subjective like that.

i'm going to try and finish up my paper now before my confidence drops back down.