apology to those who are exposed to my hatred

anyone who went to high school and college with me knows what a terrible amount of anger and hatred i can unleash. but i sware, after undergrad i stopped getting as angry as i did. i'd get pissed off and annoyed but i never harbored pure hatred at someone. until now..

yeah. so i'm still trying to deal with this problem i have. i don't want to get into it here since this is a public journal. all i know is that i don't get paid enough to be shitted on ond disrespected by someone who hasn't even come close to working as hard as i have. but you know, that's the way the world works. people shit on you and then shit on you some more. don't expect a damn thing... because there is no such thing as karma and come-upins. nope. shit always slides down hill.. and my friends, we are in the valley.

so anyhow, i guess i want to apologize to my poor cats and doggy and j.
they've really been subjected to my cruelty and anger this week. i've taken it out on them every chance i could get. i've been very short tempered and very difficult. i haven't felt myself at all. i've been consumed. i don't like to calm myself when i'm frustrated. i think it's counter productive. i think it's better to release it to the world instead of containing it.

wow though, it's amazing how much hatred a human being can exude. i felt like i was drowning in my own hatred. i couldn't concentrate very well. i kept eating everything i came into contact with. i must have gained ten pounds from all the "eating therapy" i gave myself. hehe. crackers, cheese, cookies, ham, sausage, tacos, cake... i felt like pac man eating my way to the finish line, the finsih line being releif.

i got so mad i was screaming in my car. people must have though i was crazy. maybe i was. now my temper has simmered down. now, i'm just bitter and festering. i'm grumpy and tired.

i'm also sick. i have a cough, sore throat, and a VERY runny nose. i think i'll go through a whole box of tissues today. plus, i'm at work right now. i have to work this weekened in order to take the holiday vacation next week.

this is so not where i want to be. i want to be in a damp cold hole with bugs crawling thorugh my hair and worms eating out my eyeballs.

-merry xmas. >:P