so i got a job

so i got a job.
i didn't apply for one.
i had no resume.
i had no portfolio.
life is so incredible sometimes that i have to pinch myself, then slap myself.
i am so freaking lucky.

there's this firm in austin called andersson-wise
in austin that i've been looking at for about a year. it was recommended to me by my father through one of his co-workers which knows one of the partners of the firm. i talked to the guy, arthur andersson, a year ago about his firm and showed him my undergrad portfolio. i had meant to email him afterwards to continue contact but i never did. i never want to seem too pushy.

anyhow, this past semester, i took a course called technical communication which has a lot to do with construction documents and communicating your design. the normal professor who teaches the course retired a year ago and they've been inviting local architects to teach the class ever since. by coincedence, arthur anderssson and chris wise were my teachers for last semesters studio. we had a choice of either them or some other architect guy. chris curson, my partner from last semester, and i chose andersson/wise because we didn't know which one to pick and heard many of the people saying they wanted the other guy. we heard a few girls say they wanted andersson/wise because they were cute. heheh. can you imagine picking a teacher based on his or her looks? okay, maybe it's not so farfetched. the same thing happened with my studio professor from the spring before. old white guy or cute skinny tall guy. anyhow, i digress.

our choice payed off and we both got into the same studio and hooked up as partners for the semester. the whole semester went very well. i was very content for most of the time even though i was completely swamped 24/7. that was the period in which i was never online for a month or two. anyhow, we were very proud of the work we accomplished and pretty amazed at how much you can learn when you're motivated. competition helps you thrive and having a partner you feel challenges you is always a great way to get motivated. we were always trying to out do one another. damnit, i'm digressing again. so, needless to say, we produced good work.

at the end of the semester, our two teachers invited us out for a drink at the only bar on campus. i wasn't going to go but decided i needed to put in some face time. while we were there, chris wise came up to my partner and i and started chatting. i thought it was nice of him to come initiate convo with us so we wouldn't feel too left out. lord knows, i wouldn't have, being that i have no guts. anyhow, one thing led to another and i ended up telling chris wise that if a position ever opened up at their firm, i'd be interested. he told me to contact him when i graduated to see if anything was available then. i thought it was one of those polite blow offs. kind of like, "in your dreams, girl. try back when you're worthy." you know, that sort of thing.

i was still going to try after i graduated. it never hurts to ask.
so, i'm walking back to my car from school a week ago and run into my other studio teacher form last semester, the one who taught everyone the technical side to tech comm. she tells me that chris wise was asking for my email address. of course, my heart kind of jumps inside, that little palpatation of hope and desire. she told me to email him and see what he wanted. so that's what i did. a day later, i get an email from him saying that he and arthur want to offer me a position at their firm. (there's this whole speal i could go into right now about people's reactions to this and the pressures that were put on me after that..but i'll let that settle in the "festering" section of my psyche for awhile.)

i set up an appointment to meet with the two partners for that following monday afternoon to discuss projects and pay. the meeting went really well, i thought. who knows what they thought of me. you never can tell with the amount of "face" you have to put on in the business world. the projects sound exciting. they've been invited to do a competition and hopefully, i'll be able to work on that. when it came time to talk about money, they through down a number and i threw down a number five grand higher. i think i scared them. we ended up deciding to let the number rest until i'm actually available for full-time hire after i graduate. so that means i have to wow them in the mean time. it's weird, i explained to them that the reason i wanted so much was to save up enough money to put a down payment on a house. which is a lie because i don't want a house. but i didn't want to say, the reason we're saving money up to put a down payment on a house is because jeremy can't stand living in a rented place. or the reason i'm asking so much money is because jeremy wants a big house so he can have a garage to shelter his car.

it's weird because, i'm actually content where i am and with the money i would be making. but it seems like money really does make some people much happier than others. even my father was saying how i need to be making more money. how rich do you have to be to be content, if you're not content now? i'm trying to see where the finish line is because it seems like an atittude like this could be a lifetime obession. i was content when we were living in a tiny one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. it's all about the memories you make in a place rather than the place itself that makes me happy. damit, i got off track again. oh well, i was pretty much finished with my story anyhow. i start work tomorrow afternoon after my studio. i'll be working part time until i graduate.

i made a chocolate-oreo cheesecake tonight. it's cooling for one hour at room temperature right now. then, it has to go into the refrigerator for 4 hours before anyone can eat it. i'm HOPING it turns out all right. i had another chocolate chip cookie disaster this past weekend. i love to bake recreationally but it'd be nice if i won sometimes. :)

oh god. do i have time to go into the vet story? next post.


Andersson-Wise Architects was founded in 2001 by Arthur W. Andersson and F. Christian Wise following a 15-year collaboration together and with Charles W. Moore, first as the Charles Moore Studio and later as Moore/Andersson Architects. Moore and Andersson began working together in 1981 when they collaborated on the White River Park Project. Shortly thereafter, they co-designed the Wonderwall and Centennial Pavilion at the New Orleans World�s Fair. Wise joined the firm in 1985 as a principal design collaborator for the studio. Moore is recognized as having been one of this century�s greatest architects - his work, writing, and teaching have profoundly influenced the course of architecture worldwide. By practicing and evolving his teachings, the firm has become a design collaborative of 12 architects and designers, dedicated to excellence in public, religious, commercial, and residential design.

thinking about 3pm

flutter flutter
little tiny butter
fly in my tummy
rumbling nothing yummy
fretting little heart
thinking worrying
ain't so smart

:)

shall explain later.

matrix reloaded: the imax experience

California

Desert IMAX Theatre
Highway 111 at Cathedral Canyon Drive
Cathedral City, CA 92234
760-324-7333
www.desertimax.com

Regal IMAX Theatre
Hacienda Crossing 20
5000 Dublin Blvd.
Dublin, CA 94568
925-803-4629
www.regalcinemas.com

Regal IMAX Theatre
Irvine Spectrum
65 Fortune Drive
Irvine, CA 92618
949-450-4900
www.regalcinemas.com

IMAX Theatre at The Bridge: cinema de lux
Howard Hughes Center
6081 Center Dr., Suite 201
Los Angeles, CA 90045
866-747-1234
www.thebridgecinema.com

Regal IMAX Theatre
Ontario Palace
4900 East Fourth St.
Ontario, CA 91764
909-476-1500
www.regalcinemas.com

Esquire IMAX Theatre
1211 K Street
Sacramento, CA 95814
916-443-4629
www.imax.com/sacramento

Loews IMAX Theatre
Metreon
101 Fourth St.
Yerba Buena Gardens
San Francisco, CA 94103
415-369-6200
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm

Regal IMAX Theatre Valencia
24435 Town Center Dr.
Santa Clarita, CA 91355
661-287-1740
www.regalcinemas.com

Universal Studios IMAX Theatre
Universal Citywalk
100 Universal City Plaza, Citywalk
Universal City, CA 91608
818-760-8100
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm


Colorado

Cinemark IMAX Theatre
3305 Cinema Point
Colorado Springs, CO 80922
719-596-3212
www.cinemark.com

Regal IMAX Theatre, Colorado Center 9
2000 S. Colorado Blvd.
Denver, CO 80222
303-757-3700
www.regalcinemas.com


Florida

IMAX Theatre at Sunset Place
5701 Sunset Drive, Suite 134
South Miami, FL 33143
305-663-4629
www.imax.com/miami

Channelside IMAX Theatre
615 Channelside Dr.
Tampa, FL 33602
813-221-0700


Georgia

Regal IMAX Theatre
Mall of Georgia
3333 Buford Drive, Suite 3000
Buford, GA 30518
678-482-5858
www.regalcinemas.com


Hawaii

The IMAX Waikiki Theatre
325 Seaside Ave.
Honolulu, HI 96815
808-923-4629
www.imaxwaikiki.com


Idaho

Regal IMAX Theatre
7701 Overland Rd.
Boise, ID 83704
208-377-1700
www.regalcinemas.com


Illinois

Marcus IMAX Theatre
1555 West Lake St.
Addison, IL 60101
630-932-4572
www.marcustheatres.com

Regal IMAX Theatre
CityPark
300 Parkway Dr.
Lincolnshire, IL 60069
847-229-9100
www.regalcinemas.com

Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Seven Bridges
6500 Route 53
Woodridge, IL 60517
630-434-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp


Indiana

IMAX 3D Theatre
White River State Park
650 W. Washington St.
Indianapolis, IN 46204
317-233-4629
www.imaxindy.com


Louisiana

Entergy IMAX Theatre
Aquarium of the Americas
1 Canal Street
New Orleans, LA 70130
504-581-4629
www.auduboninstitute.org


Massachusetts

Comcast IMAX Theatre
Jordan's Furniture
1 Underprice Way
Natick, MA 01760
508-424-0088
www.jordansimax.com

Simons IMAX Theatre
New England Aquarium
Central Warf
Boston, MA 02110
617-973-5200
www.neaq.org


Michigan

IMAX Theatre
Henry Ford Museum
20900 Oakwood Blvd.
Dearborn, MI 48121-1970
313-271-1620
www.hfmgv.org

IMAX Theatre Celebration! Village
2121 Celebration Ave. NE
Grand Rapids, MI 49525
866-298-4629
www.bigscreenmovies.com/imaxmatters


Minnesota

Imation IMAX Theatre
Minnesota Zoo
12000 Zoo Blvd.
Apple Valley, MN 55124
952-997-9700
www.imax.com/minnesota


Missouri

Sprint IMAX Theatre
Kansas City Zoo
6800 Zoo Dr.
Kansas, MO 64123
816-513-4629
www.kansascityzoo.org/zooimax.htm


Nevada

Luxor IMAX Theatre
Luxor Hotel and Casino
3900 Las Vegas Blvd. S.
Las Vegas, NV 89119
702-262-4555
www.luxor.com


New York

Regal IMAX Theatre
New Roc City
33 LeCount Place
New Rochelle, NY 10801
914-576-5757
www.regalcinemas.com

Loews IMAX Theatre
Lincoln Square
1998 Broadway & 68th St.
New York, NY 10023
212-336-5000
www.enjoytheshow.com/theatres/imax.cfm

Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Tinseltown
2291 Buffalo Rd.
Rochester, NY 14623
716-426-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp

IMAX Theatre at Palisades Center
4270 Palisades Centre Dr.
West Nyack, NY 10994
845-358-4629
www.imax.com/palisades

Regal IMAX Theatre
Transit Center
6707 Transit Rd.
Williamsville, NY
716-632-4629
www.regalcinemas.com


Ohio

Marcus IMAX Theatre
Crosswoods Centre
200 Hutchinson Ave.
Columbus, OH 43235
614-841-1600
www.marcustheatres.com/imax.cfm


Oklahoma

Cinemark IMAX Theatre
The Tulsa
10802 East 71st St.
Tulsa, OK 74133
918-307-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp


Pennsylvania

United Artists King of Prussia Stadium 16 & IMAX
300 Goddard Blvd.
King of Prussia, PA 19406
www.regalcinemas.com


Rhode Island

Feinstein IMAX Theatre
9 Providence Place, Suite R2
Providence, RI 02903
401-453-4629
www.imax.com/providence


Tennessee

Regal IMAX Theatre
Opry Mills
570 Opry Mills Drive
Nashville, TN 37214
615-514-4629
www.regalcinemas.com


Texas

Cinemark IMAX Theatre
Webb Chapel
11819 Webb Chapel Rd.
Dallas, TX 75234
972-888-2629
www.cinemark.com/imax.asp

Regal IMAX Theatre
Houston Marq*E Stadium 23 Cinema
7620 Katy Freeway
Houston, TX 77024
713-263-0808
www.regalcinemas.com

San Antonio IMAX Theatre Rivercenter
849 E. Commerce St., Suite 483
San Antonio, TX 78205
210-225-4629
www.imax-sa.com


Virginia

Riverside IMAX Theatre
Virginia Air & Space Center
600 Settlers Landing Rd.
Hampton, VA 23669
757-727-0900
www.vasc.org


Washington

Boeing IMAX Theatre
Pacific Science Center
200 Second Ave. North
Seattle, WA 98109
206-443-4629
www.pacsci.org

IMAX Theatre
Riverfront Park
North 507 Howard Street
Spokane, WA 99201
509-625-6601
www.spokaneriverfrontpark.com/imax.asp

machine guns

network party went very well. we played till i had machine guns ringing in my ears while trying to sleep. i learned that i like to be on the losing team. i love a good challenge. the good thing about losing a lot is having to be intuitive and creative. if you're always winning, you stick to routine. i learned that jerms can't stand to be on the losing team. he's like eric's brother. a very sore loser. they'll get pissed off if they continue to lose. i get frustrated too but it only fuels the fire for me. we ended up playing this one map called toxicity on the last day. it was 3 v 4. i was on the 3 person team with my brother john and another friend. the map was unofficial, one of those someone else created. it had this huge flaw in which a single machine gun can blockade the entire enemy back to the entrance. the only way to stop the machine gun was to aim a panzer at the correct angle in between an entrance and a window. it was crazy. even crazier, we actually managed to win a few times!

the vet never called about tigger's blood work. i'm about to call them today. he's spent all of last night and all of this morning sleeping in our room. he loves to be around us. maybe he's getting lonely. he never sleeps better than when he's in our bedroom.

i am planning on going to the bank this morning to cash out my cd. it's been collecting pennies for the past two years. we need to pull it out and invest it somewhere else.

okay. off to do run the errands.

lan, vet, and jeans

and another gaming party starts. we're all here setting up. it's hot as hell. we potentially have 11 people coming. 5v6. that should be good. i hope that when we start, we don't stop to dick around.

they just got done ordering pizza and eating. i had a pbj and ate some pizza crust.

took tigger to the vet today. he was pissed off. i hate the whole ordeal. the vet said he might have a huge hairball lodged in his stomach or something..which is causing him to be unable to digest the food...and then irritating his stomach causing him to throw up all the time. they took some blood for some tests. they're supposed to get back to us tomorrow morning. it took 4 people to hold him down while they were drawing blood. we could hear him screaming from down the hall. bad little cat. he's so horrible at the vet. i told the technician to be very careful because he will bite at any time. at first she was scruffing him tight but later i noticed she was trying to pet him. ugh. it's no wonder those techs end up scratched up all of the time. they don't listen to the owners warnings.

anyhow, i hope things are going to turn out okay. if it's the hairball problem, we're going to have to get him shaved again. since our friend doesn't work at the vet anymore, we won't be able to get it free. jeremy's sister works at the vet so we might try to set something up when we go back home again. it should only cost as much as the anesthesia...so it should be cheaper for us that way. 30 vs 90 dollars.

i went shopping this afternoon. i just couldn't help myself. :) i needed to find more professional type outfits to wear. why can't the world have a universal uniform of jeans and t-shirts.

furniture, tigger, and wolfenstein

my kitchen island is coming along nicely. i've sent the aluminum angles and pieces to the welder. he's supposed to get back to me Monday or Tuesday about the price. today, i learned how to use the table saw and cut up all of my wood pieces. i hope it all comes together nicely. i went with jerms to home depot today and bought hinges, door catches, wheels, another sheet of plywood, and polyurethane coating.

tigger has continued to get worse. i almost cried today watching him throw up. my poor baby. i'm taking him to the vet tomorrow. he had gotten better last week but now he's getting worse and he can't eat anything. he's throwing up nothing but stomach acid now. he's so miserable. i wanted to take him to the vet today but they're closed on thursdays and sundays. he hates the vet so much and most vets hate him...but what must be done must be done.

we're having a lan party tomorrow over at eric's. my brother and some friends are coming into town and we're gonna have a wolfenstein tourney. yeah. i've been practicing on cracked servers and think i'm a whole lot better than the first time we played. i don't know why i have such a strange fascination with fps games. i think i feel more connected, like i have more impact.

i'll probably go to school tomorrow for a short while. i need to cut two more metal pieces i forgot about and then cut the top and bottom wood pieces. i want to start construction but something tells me i should wait till the welding is done. yup. boring stuff. going to play some wolf now.

wedding photos

i actually took more pictures than the photographer for the wedding. heheh. i guess that's what you do when you don't know anyone there including the bride and groom.

alt="zpics/wedding1" border="1" width="150" height="113"> 3 amigos	alt="zpics/wedding2.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113"> wedding cake
alt="zpics/wedding3.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113"> dance	alt="zpics/wedding4.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113"> gazebo
alt="zpics/wedding5.jpg" border="1" width="150" height="113"> buffet

lets play ketchup

Thursday: my pecan crusted chicken tenders came out very well. i had a small dinner party and served chicken tenders, a salad, mashed potatoes, and apple cinnamon cake.

Friday: went home to Boremont for Father's day.

Saturday: we bought my dad one of those isotonic memory pillows, a 208 cd case, and a self-propelled lawn mower. my brother asked me to come to a wedding his girlfriend was in because he didn't want to have to sit by himself. it was an outdoor wedding at this quaint little bed and breakfast place. the wedding was held outside. i thought the whole thing was gorgeous. this is only the second wedding i've ever been to. i wasn't that impressed with the first one i went to but this one was very nice. still, it seemed like such a waste to spend 12,000 dollars for only 2.5 hours of a day. charmaine, my brother's girlfriend, caught the bouquet. the reception was also held outside next to the gazebo the couple were married under. the wedding cake was delicious! oh, i almost forgot, they had a chocolate bar at the buffet. there was this chocolate fountain in the middle and fruit on the side. after sticking a fruit with a toothpick, you ran the thing under the streaming chocolate. yummmmy.

Sunday: we had a steak dinner at jeremy's house for father's day. jeremy cooked up some huge medium rare steaks and his mother cooked potatoes, green beans, corn, and toast. i brought the salad with my new recipe for dressing. jeremy and i headed home around 4pm. i was exhausted by the time we got back and we had to get some grocery shopping done.

Monday: i went to school around 8am. we're in production mode right now in my studio. the first half of the studio is about designing furniture. i'm making a kitchen island. i spent most of today learning how to use a bandsaw, a drill press, and a sander. i was working with metal so i have shards of metal all over my clothing. at first, was really scared of the "wood shop" but now that i'm learning how to use the equipment and getting some practice in, i think it's really fun.

i had to order more metal today because two pieces i got were too short. i went to pick them up after finishing with school and got to the metal shop too late. 3 minutes late! doh. anyhow, jerms is cooking up some gumbo and i've changed into my "after school" clothing. i can't go around wearing metal shards. :)

i like the fact that the woodshop is only open till 5pm because it means that i get to go home and rest at the end of the day and not worry about having to work some more.

i have to go pick up the steel from the metal shop tomorrow before heading off to school. i also need to remember to pack my own lunch. they have a mandatory lunch break between 12-1pm every day so that people don't work in the wood shop on an empty stomach.

i'll post pictures of the wedding later. it's time to eat.

baking failure 101

i want to be martha stewart or rachel ray. the problem is that everything i touch turns to mush. baking is a great love of mine. i loved to watch my mother bake deserts in the oven. however, i often ran out as soon as she would start because i knew i'd be doing a lot of dishes. sweet things are a really big love for me. watching cooking shows about baking deserts make me melt for some reason. i'm totally captivated. i love the delicacy and detail that goes into the work. it's like eating a piece of art.

so anyhow, i saw this recipe on the food network today that was supposed to be relatively easy since it used yellow cake mix. it was an apple cake. basically all you do is do the yellow cake mix and pour it into a pan. then you cut up one apple into small pieces, sprinkle sugar and cinnamon all over them, and then place them on top of the mix. you bake the sucker for about 30-35 minutes then let it cool. cut a piece out and serve vanilla ice cream on top and you have melted heaven on a plate.

now, here's the problem. i don't know if it's my oven or just me but i have a severe problem with either burning my baked goods or undercooking them. i took the cake out of the oven and it was golden brown all around. i stuck two toothpicks in the middle and they both came out clean. later, i noticed, cake batter was starting to exude out of the top of the cake. that's when i realized the center of the cake wasn't cooked through! argh! i was able to save the side pieces of the cake but am once again annoyed at my failed baking attempt. next time, i'm going to use a fork to test the cake instead of a toothpick.

tomorrow, i'm going to make an attempt at one of rachel ray's 30 minute meals which includes a chicken tender salad with home made dressing. mmmm.. of course, something tells me that we might be ordering out if things go as usual. :)

on martha's kitchen tomorrow, she's doing a show on deserts. yeah!!!

i love the smell of sunday dinner

mmmmmm.. i can smell jeremy cooking in the kitchen. he's whoopin up some chicken fried deer steak, home made mash potatoes, home made gravy, and some corn. no, he didn't hunt the deer. his father likes to hunt so we get free meat when we go home to visit. i used to refuse to eat anything that had been "hunted" but i'm a lot more practical now.... especially since i'm not the one cooking.

useless sundays, just the way i like them.

today has been useless. woke up, at chicken and rice soup, drank a home made mexican martini, took a nap, and harassed jeremy.

tigger's health has been fluctuating. jerm's sister thinks he might be rejecting the protein base of his food so we might have to find another type of high-fiber diet for him. he keeps throwing up his food which isn't good. i feel like he hasn't eaten a good meal in a week now. i think he might be slowly starving himself. luckily he's a big cat and has lots of cushion to room. if this were dessy, i'd be super worried since she's already so thin.

we thought he had gotten better earlier this week. he finally came from under the couch and returned to being semi-active. he had enough energy to jump over the barricade upstairs and cuddle with me in bed after i get home from school. we have a lot in common. love of eating and love of sleeping. i might have to take him to the vet tomorrow. i'm just so afraid they're going to jerk our chain around with expensive shots, blood tests, and medicine.

kabobs galore

we went over to eric's place yesterday because akash had invited us to partake in his dinner. the menu was to include kabobs, humus, rice, cucumber salad, and cheesecake. of course, whenever akash says he's cooking for you, it means he's going to manage a dinner party. delegation. i was outside with eric, jeremy, mike, chris, and sean keeping an eye on the grill and the kabobs. :) mmmm. we snagged a lot before they were able to get inside. everyone liked the chicken ones better than the beef. i'm partial to the cow myself but what do i know?

i felt like we segregated ourselves from the dinner party a bit, but none of us knew akash's friends and they didn't really seem to be our type. who knows. guess it's part of the anti-social streak we have. had we known it was going to be such a large event, we probalby would have declined the invitation. it was a very good free meal though... unfortunately, we had to wait till almost 10pm to eat it all.

today, jeremy, eric, and i are going to check out this place called the catfish parlour. supposedly they serve all you can eat catfish for some really good prices. eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat.

sinking or swimming?

being a moral nihilist, i have a different way of reacting to society than most people. i'm very skeptical at what is presented to me. i'm also suspicious of words that follow "supposed to" and "the right way"...

but that doesn't mean i deny that society shapes you and creates your environment and thus effects your resulting actions within that society. but what are you allowed to reject? and what should you yield to for the sake of "happiness".

does society define our ideals or do our ideals define society? am i to take from the world around me some kind of clue as to how comfortable i should be in my own skin? would people ever be miserable if other people weren't around? the tricky thing about surviving in my world, is combing out what is acceptable and what is intolerable. nothing is completely ever accepted. besides, what is it about this american society that points to the big happy sun and the blue fluffy clouds? shouldn't it be okay that we skim through life on grey smog and falling stars?

as i get older and watch the definition of "life" change for myself and my friends, i begin to wonder how much we conform to a system, a system which has been proven to be the most effective form of happiness. the "natural system" of finding a loving relationship, having children [procreating thus doing our worldly duties], making money, complaining about taxes, finding drinking buddies at work, and sending our kids off to soccer practice or college. my father is convinced that there is no happier path to life than this. i, however, am not so convinced.

so many of my girlfriends and boyfriends told me that they would find happiness when they found a mate. i've found a relationship. a pretty real one at that. but being in a relationship has not made me any happier than i was before. it simply has altered my path slightly, for better or worse. maybe the sad truth is that we have to learn find meaning within ourselves and no amount of excuses of future accomplishments can change that. what if no one or no event has the power to make us emotionally satisfied with ourselves? what if those things which i have mentioned earlier are simply distracters so that you don't have to think about it. so that for 18 years of your life you can worry about the kid's problems, not your own. or instead of finding your own path, you simply worry about how to maintain a successful path to marriage or a relationship? i mean with so many social pressures, it's easy to lose yourself. would it be so bad if we spent our lives finding a way to love ourselves for who we are? flat chest, flabby thighs, lack of friends and all? hmmm.. maybe it would take more time than its worth. :)

i get afraid when i find myself fighting the current of society's ideals. because when you're drowning, it's hard to determine what is up and down. what would mean sinking and what would mean staying afloat?

where oh where are my WMD?

hahahahaha..this counterpunch list is great.

http://www.counterpunch.org/wmd05292003.html

"Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction."
Dick Cheney August 26, 2002

[yeah, they must have been talking about saddam's massive wanker]


They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer.
Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003

[cleary, rumsfeld. clearly so. they were destroyed in the old camp fire]

no signs of improvement

i kept waking up around 3am then 4am and then 5am. i couldn't sleep because the medicine had worn off and my throat felt like it was sandpaper. it hurt to breath and it hurt to swallow. i thought eating something would help but it only made me want to throw up. around 5am i walked downstairs and laid down on the couch with my head propped up so i could breath through my nostrils. i checked up on tigger. he was laying very still like he was last night with his paws tucked up under his belly. he's so miserable. you can tell because he's hiding in nooks whereas when he's healthy, he likes to get in the way. he also puked twice this morning while i was downstairs. i gave dessy some food this morning and he didn't even budge which is crazy.

jeremy's sister is in vet school so we're gonna call her and see what she thinks. she's been working at a vet clinic for over three years so hopefully she's seen similar cases. however, the symptoms are pretty vague so who knows. if all else fails, there's a vet clinic down the street.

sick as a cat

in other news, tigger and i are both sick. i woke up with a terrible sore throat. my nose is runny and my insides feel like a mucus bomb exploded. tigger has been throwing up all day. i hope he didn't eat something poisonous.
i'm just going to try and lay down today and get some rest. i've been drinking lots of water. i don't want to be sick when school starts in two days.

a post from the commy who is going to hell

well, i read all of the post that were commented on my last entry. i had meant to respond in some capacity but only am still reeling from the conversations i had with my friends. it is moments like those that are pretty pivotal. when you're no longer high school friends wondering when the next lan party is. this is when you know, you've come to that cross road and things will never be the same again. it doesn't come all at once like some large car wreck. this was a gradual rocky road we have traveled together.

situations like these have happened to several good friends before. a very good friend, my very last "girl" friend, suddenly developed strong attachments to the libertarian party. she also had it out with me over the issue of pro-choice. and it's like once they know how i feel about things, they are highly offended, probably as i am of them. but i don't deliberately attack people by saying, "well, that's okay. because you're going to hell anyways." or "if you wanna be a commy, you should move to russia."

i'm not sure how even the idea of mentioning equality causes people to pin me down as an communist. hell, i'm not calling for every man or woman to be the same or have the same things. all men are not created equal despite what our founding forefathers wanted to delude themselves into believing (sarcasm). there is no solid solution the drastic inequalities that exist, at least that i know of for fact, in austin. so if there exists a program that gives people in poorer neighborhoods a chance to attend college whereas they wouldn't have, i support that. i'll be the first to admit that it is causing a lot of racial tension and is unfair on many levels. but in the end, i say, "go home and cry toy our mommy, whitey."

what made me so mad the other day..and not while i was arguing but as i reflected back on the conversation was when one of the guy said, "i worked hard to get where i am today. and if i can do it, so can everyone else." and that's the statement i hear from everyone who feels that there shouldn't be any programs that reach out. and why should they, they're the ones on top. the guy who said that had parents who paid for his entire college tuition. who FLEW him home for visits when the drive is only 3 and a half hours away. his parents call him every day to this day. and while he sat on his ass for two and half years after graduation without a job, his parents paid for his living.

now he's a spoiled as i say i was quite spoiled too. the difference is that i recognize that i was privileged when getting to where i am today. i don't delude myself into thinking that i am who i am today because i only worked really hard. i don't think it is as simple as that. just as this conversation isn't as simple as the words i am jotting down.

the hard evidence asked for by the replied post isn't here in neat little tables and charts. this isn't a paper based off of sources cited. this is an entry based off of my entire existence from the reality i perceive. but i see things. i read things. i have studied these things before.
i know that in the poorer part of austin which is east austin (where i live in a tiny college nook), 58% are hispanic, 9% white, and 33% african american. whereas in this entire county, 21% are hispanic, 73% white, and 11% african american. and i guess my friend would tell me that regardless of the racial zoning that went on in 1928 in the City of Austin Master Plan, anyone who wanted to could pick up and move somewhere else today. probably even despite the fact that real estate agents and banks have purposely tried to cap the growth of the ethnic minority in the northern and western parts of austin by redlining certain areas where minority buyers could not secure loans. sure, it's all in the past. these things don't happen now, right?

the census data in 1990 shows that the median household income of east austin residents was half that of all travis county residents. east austin residents averaged a median household income of 13,000 while travis county as a whole had a median household income of 27,000. that's more than double that of east austin residents. in west austin the larges range of income was from 100,000 up and that consists of 21.3% of the residents. in east austin, the largest income ranges from 20,000 a year consisting of 65.4% of the residents. in the education department, west austing has 35.4% of residents having at least a bachelors degree, 30.3% a graduate degree, and 20.5% some college. whereas in austin, 30.3% have less than a 9th grade education, 28% 9th through 12 grade with no graduation, and 21.5% with a high school graduation.

these numbers speak something to me. they tell me that with that much disparity, something should be done on the primary education level so that those who want to can have some sort of an opportunity. education is key in everything. not just academic education but life knowledge. knowing where you stand and where you can go. knowing what must be done in order for things to improve. i don't think that even these basic things are being taught. for example, without educating the public, how are they to know how to combat industrial zoning in their neighborhood. without education, how are people in "revitalized parts of the downtown area" supposed to know that they have a right to secure their property without being displaced so their homes can be converted to cozy expensive bungalows? i care that my friends refuse to see that injustice exists. at least recognize that you're not super geniuses who climbed their way to the top. their privileged children who never had to walk a day in their lives.

it's really all about perception, i suppose. the world is an existence full of a cluster of truths and half truths, and reality and disreality. who knows what we're really perceiving. in the complexity of what is there or what i believe is there, i feel there is something off. i recognize that and what i do with that recognition is of my own accord as it is with everyone else. but i'm glad i at least see it.

and regardless of my political position in 10 years, i am who i am now. and that will effect who i am tomorrow. and in my opinion, that's probably a good thing for me.

things my friends and i argue about

argh. i'm so seriously pissed off at my friends. they're all extremely conservative people so of course on a number of subjects we do not get along.

a friend of ours, akash, came over last night after he got off of work. his friend thurall, also came over. we started talking about hygiene and stuff. it was really light banter. then, we decided to head up north to eric's place, whom akash lives with...along with eric's brother sean. when we got there, sean's friend mike was there and we watched eric play wolfenstien briefly. eric has to wake up early for work so he went to bed around 10:30pm. i was sitting in the kitchen talking to akash and thurall. for some reason, we started talking about college scholarships.

i had mentioned how one of my old friends who is filipino got a hispanic scholarship because his name was perez. then that's when the whole thing exploded. we got into this huge argument. akash, sean, thurall, and mike against me. we were discussing about racial discrimination that occurs during college admittance.

there's this program in texas called the top 10% admittance rule. it allows whoever is in the top 10% of their highschool get into a state school automatically. this was enacted so that school's existing in the lower poverty level would have kids that get accepted into college. in this case, it is possible that a kid with a lower gpa and lower test score could get into a texas college while someone who is more "qualified" would get rejected.

i realize that this situation is not fair or perfect nor is it a good solution. but i don't believe the solution to the problem is to pull out these opportunities and just say "hey, you know what? i made it so fuck you. you can make it on your own too."

i think it's a selfish sort of idea that just because there are people who grow up in a situation which does not foster opportunities like our own, we say it's not our problem. i don't believe in welfare. i don't believe people should be equal. what i want is to lessen the disparity between the gap.

society's function with less tension, violence, and problems when there is a greater amount of working class people. where there is not such a wide gap between people who own 5 vacation houses and those who can't afford pencils for their children to go to school.

i don't want my friends to change their views. i'm not asking them to change their lifestyle. all i'm asking is for them to recognize that there is a disparity out there. that not everyone starts out at 0. to recognize that they were privileged enough to have a good start and that others never get to start. i just want them to stop saying things like "well their parents were illegal immigrants, they shouldn't even be here." or "just because their parents can't speak english and decide to have 8 children, that's not my problem. they brought it on themselves." or "if they really wanted to get a good job and leave the bad neighborhoods and move to the better part of town, they could. they're just too lazy."

i have problems with these generalizations because one, they're false and two, they're racists and ignorant. it's just another way for people to turn a blind eye.

just because i have socialist ideals does not mean i want to turn the country into some commy-ville. it doesn't mean i want everyone to be equal. i don't believe in a harmonious equality for mankind. i just have a problem with the great disparity between rich and poor. no one needs their own jet plane. but that's another story. i'm just tired of hearing people telling me to move to europe. that i don't belong in america. maybe i don't. sorry for stepping in your way. for causing you to have a moment to think about how you got where you are..and where others will never get to go.

i guess in the end, it doesn't really matter. i don't do much except for talk about it myself. i guess just knowing that there are very few people who recognize how lucky they are...is beyond annoying.

and don't even get me started on gay marriages. i believe what was said was "marriage is defined by the religious majority's definition, which is a bond between one man and one woman." after awhile, i got him to retract that statement. otherwise, we would have gotten into another serious argument. i mean, they kept talking about majority rule and how it'll be okay whenever everyone accepts it. i just kept saying, regardless of the law, regardless of popular opinion, it's a right. that right exists for any two people who want to commit themselves to one another. then we started talking about the defense of marriage act...and ugh. i don't even want to get into that. it makes me so angry thinking about it. how can they waste such time on ridiculous crap and wonder why good legislation never addresses education on a primary level.

well yesterday started out good. i'll put that in another post. i have to go cool of now that i've worked myself up again.