the cute ones

oy. where to begin.

i have so many thoughts that build up during the day but since i'm working all the time, i never get a chance to write them down.

this weekend, i went out with ren and some of his friends. they seemed like fascinating people. i rarely meet people that i find interesting. most people lack charisma points. i guess i should know that ren would have cool friends. he's and i clicked from the beginning. we have a lot in common but he's a total sap when it comes to relationships. i'm the total opposite. i'm indifferent when it comes to romance and stuff. but hey, he's young..and the young peeps do stupid stuff. :) except for me. i didn't do stupid stuff when i was young. heheh. just kidding.

i like trans boys for some reason. i think they're the only type of men i can be physically attracted to. it's weird. i like men for their personalities usually and women for their physical appearance. very few women's personalities intrigue me and those that do usually won't give me the time of day. most men tend to ignore me unless they are trying to be polite or they're as drunk as hell. life always gives you these hurdles..and i'm too chicken to jump over them. that's why i don't have too many friends.

anyhow, we went dancing at boyz cellar. the music was terribly disappointing. no pop music. hehe. and the techno was very hard to dance to. it's kinda cool going there because you turn invisible (being a girl). in a sea of gay men, a girl can disappear easily. it's funny seeing two scantily clad women dancing on blocks asked to step down so two shirtless men can get up and gyrate their groin areas. hehe. i love the irony. there weren't many women there and the ones that were there weren't great eye candy. but it felt good to be dancing again. dancing is like a beautiful release. i need to do it more often. if only we could find a good club.

i tried to get one of my straight friends to go with me but he didn't want to. i think he's afraid that men will try to pick him up. i don't understand that about homophobic hetero men. why do they always think that gay men want them? if you go to any gay club, you can see that the average joe doesn't cut it for this community. i haven't seen one gay man who wasn't ripped from head to toe. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating a little but you get my point.

there was this one couple i met with ren who seemed so very nice. pleasant to the bone. i really wanted a chance to talk with all of them but all conversation was stunted by this one chick. she was a friend of the couple who was celebrating her 21st bday. she was so drunk. the whole night she just blabbed about everything and anything. i have a really hard time conversing in group situations, add a drunk person and you probably won't hear a peep out of me all night. sometimes my lack of talking is mistaken for me being a snob or stuck up. hopefully they didn't get that impression from me.

man, i hope my dad isn't reading this post. there are just some things your parents just shouldn't read about their kids. sexuality is one of them. i would make my journal friends-only but then i think, what's the point? my other ideas i to create a separate journal all together and go under a pseudo identity..then pour out all the bad and juicy stuff in there... away from people who know me in real life. because sometimes i have thoughts that just shouldn't be read by people i see day to day. the dark side of one's mind should never be revealed to people who are close enough to shake your hand. it would disrupt space time continuum. heh. kind alike in back to the future two beings from different rifts of time and space should never be exposed face to face. so my dark and good side shouldn't ever be revealed in the same body. people just wouldn't be able to handle that and then the universe would explode.

damn, i should get some sleep. i'm not making any sense now.

ugh. i have three guys screaming across the condo right now. eric is over and he's playing ET on jeremy's computer and john and jeremy are in john's room. normally we have mic/head sets we use which cuts down on the noise but our ventrilo server is down right now. i should be playing as well but i'm too friggin' tired. work is really getting to me. it's the stress and the hours. i can't wait for the weekend and hopefully i don't have to go in.

oh good. they're done. i don't have to hear people screaming anymore.