dogs, war coverage, eminem, and bomb warfare

i think there should be a law against dogs barking. there has been this annoying dog barking all morning long. it won't let up a bit. i'm tempted to call 311. i guess i'll just see if this continues into the night or not. i don't understand why people can't train their dogs to behave. i think dogs and children get way too much freedom via lack of discipline in this nation.

cat people unite!

hehe.

been watching the news all morning. we only get one channel on our upstairs tv. our cable modem is hooked up to our only cable outlet upstairs so there's no tv cable up here as a result. so we get fox news. which has been pretty good so far. it's been helping me get to sleep at night. :)

we watched 8 mile last night..you know, the eminem movie. i thought it was decent but definitely over rated. i was thinking there would be more plot development. i guess if i hadn't heard anything about this movie from before, i would have enjoyed it more. it would also have helped if i could follow the rap battles better. i should have watched it with the subtitles on. :D

p.s. how the heck are we supposed to ever confirm saddam's death if we're blowing the hell out of buildings. it's just like our assault on Afghanistan. you can't id bodies that are annihilated by twenty ton bombs and scud missiles. right?

i like my right to buy nice things and live a more than comfortable life. i'm a prick. i'm greedy. i'm proud to be an american.

i'm proud to be an american. i'm proud that i get to live in an air conditioned house, have four tvs, have the right to be an asshole any day i want. i love the fact that i can guzzle gas and make a living designing buildings. i love my luxuries. i love freedom. i love being able to live my days out relatively sheltered from the rest of the worlds ailments. and as much as many people would like to live in their little delusional worlds spouting out ideas of peace, love, and harmony, the fact is they enjoy the right to care because of where they are. they have the right to care and protest this war because we're americans. what better things do we have to do? we don't worry about rebel guerrilla wars, hunger, dying of cold, and the other long list of shit that goes on outside our rainbow colored borders. yeah. you can't forget that. we live the way we do in our little micro worlds because of what our government does on the macro level. if you don't agree, then you have to be willing to give it all up....before you can say that what we are doing is entirely wrong. being on top means stepping on man, woman, and child to get there. you have to except that reality. this is not a beautiful world.

at the same time though...as i'm watching films, documentaries, clips about the war and the iraqi people, i'm devastated. i have sympathy for the human will to live. we of all people should know what it's like having no control over our government. should we be punished for our government's actions? i can't help but feel that this war is so very wrong in way too many ways to even begin. world opinion, for one. the nation's opinion, for another. the fact that no one's opinion seemed to matter for the us gov. that's a scary thing. the idea of people unnecessarily dying...innocent people. in the end, it'll just be numbers...a count of how many died accidentally, of course. innocent people die in war, it happens. but can you imagine the terror in all of their minds? here's this big bad nation, the us, known to use weapons of mass destruction invading your country. it has to exceed the fear that we experienced during 911 which for most of us on the southern states was mostly null.

ugh. this whole affair is gut wrenching. it just feels so wrong at the bottom of my heart. so so so wrong. i support our troops and i felt that we had no choice but to go to war..as a privileged american...but god. at what price are we attaining our stature as the number one bully in the world?

i can't even stand to watch the president on tv anymore. i wish he would just be honest. tell everyone why we're really doing this. stop hiding behind this bullshit rhetoric about pre-emtive strikes.
it's not, "i hit him because he was going to hit me." it's more like, "i hit him because i knew i could and i wanted his lunchbox"

what's so wrong with pefection?

i'm a horrible person. i really want to go out tonight. i really want to escape. i feel like our home is a prison. my father thinks i'm mentally ill. he's under the impression that people who don't like to be complacent and settle for normal, simple, and perfect lives are sick. he's not the only one and this is nothing new for me to hear. i don't know why i want more. i don't know why i can just find elation in predictability and security.

i want to go out tonight.. i already said that. jeremy's sick and i'm mad at him for it. what the hell is wrong with me? if i were sick, he'd be there for me. he'd support me two thousand percent and make sure whatever i want is fulfilled. he'd do anything to make me feel comfortable. what do i do? i complain about feeling cooped up and how much i want to go out. i fucking sicken myself sometimes. and he'll go out even though he's sick because he's so concerned about what makes me happy. what's wrong with him? i would have left me so long ago.... but he's not me. he's pefect. and that's why he drives me crazy.

tv vs flying and theories of absence

well. spring break has come and is almost gone. i went home to b-town to spend some time with the folks. we drove back up to austin Wednesday. we were going to go sky diving this weekend but decided to get a tv instead. jeremy bargained with me. so as soon as we arrived in austin, we went to fry's electronics and bought ourselves a 27" tv and dvd player for the bedroom. i don't know what it is but i'm quite a sucker for cheap electronics. the next day, my friend eric and i built a shelving unit for the tv from supplies i bought at home depot. during the process, eric managed to cut his finger and saw through his hand. heh. i hate carpentry, it's just such a deadly sport.
so here's the results of his blood and my sweat.


i don't know why i'm so disconnected from my pc. it's weird. it's bizzaaaaaaar. it's quite an anomaly. i'm trying to think of theories as to why i've felt so disconnected from the life i used to live. i keep thinking it might have to do with the fact that i'm getting paranoid that i'm addicted to this lifestyle so i'm trying to pull away...just to see if i can. another part of me is saying that i'm just so damn tired of complaining.. i'm so damn tired of yelling and screaming...because in the end, no one is fucking hearing me. another part of me is saying that i shouldn't be doing anymore webpage developing until i learn better software and programming. it could be a factor of a million things. who knows. i can't quite figure it out yet. all i know is that i still have this longing to escape and somehow neting isn't helping much anymore.

here's some last minute effort....

the equation

my life right now = no life

thursday is before friday

i'm supposed to be working on some plans right now. my goal for the day is to have the exterior of our building modeled by 5pm. we'll see. i'm too busy thinking right now. i woke up late. i didn't get home till 12:40am last night and then stuck in short circuit and watched that till 2 something. i woke up kind of late and am just now starting on studio stuff. we have a review tomorrow. then i'm off to b-town two spend time with family, family, and friend. hehe. i'm going to stay there until wednesday...then i'm coming back to austin for the remainder of my spring break. that weekend, i'm supposed to go sky diving. that should be interesting. :)

well, it's time to get started..... man, i could go for some ice cream right now.

yentl, oh papa look at me i'm a singing transvestite

i stayed up till 4am last night watching YENTL. my god, what the hell was i thinking? i just remember hearing it was a classic sort of barbra streisand movie and one of those key gay cultural references in movies. okay, i'll admit it. i've always liked barbra streisand movies. i loved funny girl and the mirror has two faces. this movies just accentuated her sort of flakey acting style. i was more interested in the character that played yentl's wife. she had such a great character. anyhow, no more barbra for me for a long while. everytime she started breaking out into another sappy song, i kept wanting to either blow her or my head off. she's the reason musicals don't happen in movies anymore.

i just finished up some paid work and started on some school work that's due tomorow. i'm gonna take a shower now and then head to school.