i guess lets just hope that an immediate disaster never hits one of our urban cities. they are now evacuating about 2 million ppl up through texas from the coastal cities.
my parents have been on the road for about 21 hours straight now. they said they spent about 10 of those hours only going 30 miles along the houston border.
jeremy's parents had much better luck taking a direct route straight north and on through to northern louisiana. they hit monroe, la about 11am.
my parents are afraid they are going to run out of gas... they are just about 60 miles outside of austin with less than half a tank of gas left. and our gas stations between san antonio, beaumont, houston, corpus christi are all tapped out. if they do run out of gas, we'll have to try and somehow find them along the interstate. normally, they would be good for another 80 miles of travel but due to the horrendous traffic, their gas is being wasted by the minute..
cell phone communication is shotty at best. it takes me like 30 attempts to reach them.. even close to 20 minutes to get through.
i know it's a small price to pay to guarantee your safety, but i feel for my parents and everyone else who had to make the 24-36 hour long journey.
i think i will try to call them again now.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
rita rita bo bita
the media is such a sick machine. it feeds on fear and it uses it to command the attentions of the masses... and then...total control
good god. it's a crap storm down here. people are draining all of the gas stations, ravaging grocery stores, and putting themselves into an absolute state of hysteria.
and for what?
katrina was a huge problem. it was a serious human crisis due to lack of preparation and lack of real leadership.
rita is going to be huge. no mistake. but new orleans was barely clipped by katrina if you look at the facts. it was the levee failure, a looming problem which was known for many many years, that lead to the destruction of that city...
but the "katrina effect" is taking its toll nonetheless. the local media is feeding a mass fear attack across all texas's south eastern cities. it's going to be bad. yes. but it's not like we're a civilization of sticks and mud. it's beginning to feel like we're back in the stone ages... cave men running from lightning... only it's not instinct telling us to panic, it's the damn news station.
good god. it's a crap storm down here. people are draining all of the gas stations, ravaging grocery stores, and putting themselves into an absolute state of hysteria.
and for what?
katrina was a huge problem. it was a serious human crisis due to lack of preparation and lack of real leadership.
rita is going to be huge. no mistake. but new orleans was barely clipped by katrina if you look at the facts. it was the levee failure, a looming problem which was known for many many years, that lead to the destruction of that city...
but the "katrina effect" is taking its toll nonetheless. the local media is feeding a mass fear attack across all texas's south eastern cities. it's going to be bad. yes. but it's not like we're a civilization of sticks and mud. it's beginning to feel like we're back in the stone ages... cave men running from lightning... only it's not instinct telling us to panic, it's the damn news station.
Thursday, September 8, 2005
fast track loser
you know your life is pathetic when all you want to do is stay at home and feel sorry for yourself. when you hate everyone simply because you can and you hate yourself because its one the things you do best.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
architecture should die
i hate the person my job makes me become. it is really turning me into a crazy and completely necrotic person. how do people do this for years and years?
i end up hating everyone around me and myself.
maybe this is a sign that it's time to get a new profession.
i end up hating everyone around me and myself.
maybe this is a sign that it's time to get a new profession.
Friday, August 19, 2005
bring in the clowns
the barnum and bailey circus is in town at the Frank Erwin Center this weekend.
i just bought tickets for jeremy and i to go see it at 7:30pm tomorrow. i just printed out the tickets and put a little card on his keyboard saying: You are cordially invited to join A to the CIRCUS...where she will be eaten by a lion. so it shall be a nice suprise in the morning.
hehe. yeah. i don't really like the circus at all but jeremy has never been to one in his entire life. how one manages to go their whole life without going to the big top is a mystery to me. although now, they're all in air conditioned arenas and such.
the times i remember going, involved walking on loose dirt and sitting under a hot musty tent on wooden bleachers. .. oh yeah. i also remember the elephant poop smell. :) i wonder how much it has changed.
i just bought tickets for jeremy and i to go see it at 7:30pm tomorrow. i just printed out the tickets and put a little card on his keyboard saying: You are cordially invited to join A to the CIRCUS...where she will be eaten by a lion. so it shall be a nice suprise in the morning.
hehe. yeah. i don't really like the circus at all but jeremy has never been to one in his entire life. how one manages to go their whole life without going to the big top is a mystery to me. although now, they're all in air conditioned arenas and such.
the times i remember going, involved walking on loose dirt and sitting under a hot musty tent on wooden bleachers. .. oh yeah. i also remember the elephant poop smell. :) i wonder how much it has changed.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Monday, August 15, 2005
johns transformation
well, last week ended up being the week john decided to shed his college student skin and spend butt loads of money to buy some swanky new grown-up skin.
we spent all Thursday evening shopping for a new bed and sofa. he ended up getting both at eurway. i find the store to have great stuff for pretty decent prices. i'm still not into name brand furniture. i refuse to spend over 4k on a sofa set etc.
Friday, he and i cleaned out his room. we had huge stacks of clothes and junk to goodwill. i think we ended up using like 5 swiffer refill to dust the place. you should have seen the vacuum cleaner after the first run.
Saturday we picked up the bed and went to buy a mattress. he got a tempurpedic mattress. i'm so jealous. but the one i want is like 3200 dollars. can't afford to spend that much on such luxuries...yet
later that evening, john and i went shopping for bed sheets. i gave my best pitch to shoot for colors which didn't fall into the beige category. i'm in that phase of my life where i feel like we don't have to be afraid of color anymore. we ended up picking red sheets and a golden colored duvet cover. i haven't seen the finished product yet but i'll bring my camera over when i do.
Sunday, jeremy's parents came over for brunch. we went to eat at their favorite austin place, kirby lane.
i didn't get to play much WoW. i'll make up for it this week. :)
we spent all Thursday evening shopping for a new bed and sofa. he ended up getting both at eurway. i find the store to have great stuff for pretty decent prices. i'm still not into name brand furniture. i refuse to spend over 4k on a sofa set etc.
Friday, he and i cleaned out his room. we had huge stacks of clothes and junk to goodwill. i think we ended up using like 5 swiffer refill to dust the place. you should have seen the vacuum cleaner after the first run.
Saturday we picked up the bed and went to buy a mattress. he got a tempurpedic mattress. i'm so jealous. but the one i want is like 3200 dollars. can't afford to spend that much on such luxuries...yet
later that evening, john and i went shopping for bed sheets. i gave my best pitch to shoot for colors which didn't fall into the beige category. i'm in that phase of my life where i feel like we don't have to be afraid of color anymore. we ended up picking red sheets and a golden colored duvet cover. i haven't seen the finished product yet but i'll bring my camera over when i do.
Sunday, jeremy's parents came over for brunch. we went to eat at their favorite austin place, kirby lane.
i didn't get to play much WoW. i'll make up for it this week. :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2005
to die gaming
so. i got to level 40 this weekend which means i'm cruising on a horse now. I opted to get the brown one.. it was a toss up between the chestnut and brown.
speaking of gaming..did you read this?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/08/09/game.death.reut/index.html
not a bad way to go. :)
well, jeremy is off in huntington beach, california this week on business. i gotz the place to myself. pb and j for me all week :) i thought about cooking spaghetti but i ALWAYS botch it...so i gave up. i think tonight, i'm going out with my brother and his roommate to macaroni grill. spaghetti, here i come!
speaking of gaming..did you read this?
http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/asiapcf/08/09/game.death.reut/index.html
not a bad way to go. :)
well, jeremy is off in huntington beach, california this week on business. i gotz the place to myself. pb and j for me all week :) i thought about cooking spaghetti but i ALWAYS botch it...so i gave up. i think tonight, i'm going out with my brother and his roommate to macaroni grill. spaghetti, here i come!
Friday, August 5, 2005
this house is not a home
ahhhhh. all of my co-workers keep talking about renovations they're doing to their house and all of the other pet projects they have going on. i personally hate renovation projects. i think they're worthless acts of vanity. lol. okay. i'm being harsh. i never understood the idea of fixer-uppers though. but whatever. each person has their own prefernces. but i am into personalizing and customizing and organizing. i love creating personal, creative, and efficient spaces.
i wish i had the time to get my house organized...and personlized. it's still so generic and void of personality....
sigh. oh well. i live in WoW anyhow...and my home is Ironforge. guess my house will have to wait a couple more months before it can begin to become a home
i wish i had the time to get my house organized...and personlized. it's still so generic and void of personality....
sigh. oh well. i live in WoW anyhow...and my home is Ironforge. guess my house will have to wait a couple more months before it can begin to become a home
Thursday, August 4, 2005
singing rat disappoints
went to ren's birthday party last night at chuckecheese. wow. the place needs some re-branding. i have to say that i was pretty disappointed. the entertainment was so sub-par. and the uniforms? hello. the servers/crew were wearing what looked like scrubs for nurses. pizza was decent. we got half supreme and half canadian bacon and pineapple.
what was funny was the songs the "animatronics" performed sounded exactly like porn music. disturbing really.
when i was a kid, the chuckecheese band stage was elevated and there was a moue hole you could crawl into underneath it. in the mouse hole was a whole playground which you exited into the main lobby. there was also a separate room that was smaller which had a stage where an elvis rat strutted his stuff in that white polyester suit.
i did score big at skeeball. i hit two 100,000 holes in a row! this little kid came and started taking the tickets that were coming out of the machine. her mom was like "don't take those tickets! they're not yours!" and i was like "you can have them! i don't need them." hehehe. my days of picking out plastic prizes are over. :)
hopefully ren will hook me up with some of the pictures we took with his cam.
what was funny was the songs the "animatronics" performed sounded exactly like porn music. disturbing really.
when i was a kid, the chuckecheese band stage was elevated and there was a moue hole you could crawl into underneath it. in the mouse hole was a whole playground which you exited into the main lobby. there was also a separate room that was smaller which had a stage where an elvis rat strutted his stuff in that white polyester suit.
i did score big at skeeball. i hit two 100,000 holes in a row! this little kid came and started taking the tickets that were coming out of the machine. her mom was like "don't take those tickets! they're not yours!" and i was like "you can have them! i don't need them." hehehe. my days of picking out plastic prizes are over. :)
hopefully ren will hook me up with some of the pictures we took with his cam.
Wednesday, August 3, 2005
early morning, unhappy girl
tonight i'm going out to chuckecheese to celebrate ren's 22nd bday. Should be interesting. i haven't been to a chuckecheese in about 15 years. hehe. the one in my hometown shut down when i was like 10 or something. i wonder if they still have the singing elvis-rat character. i loved that guy.
i have a meeting this morning with the owners of the project i'm working on. we have to go sell our "interiors" scheme to them. i had to get up early this morning because of it. but the funny thing is that it's like 8:50 in the morning and no on is at the office. hahaha.
since i come into work late all the time (9:30am) i never know when people show up to the office. it's good to know that peeps don't start showing up until 9 or so.
....
hahaha. my boss just came driving up and jumped out of his car. his door is still open and his car is sitting in the middle of the drive thorough fair. he came to my desk and was like "we have a meting at 9!?" and i was like "9:30" and he goes "oh! so i'm not late!?" ...
typical crazyness that goes on around here. i have a feeling he's going to call me into his office soon to review the scheme.
damn. the day started too soon.
i have a meeting this morning with the owners of the project i'm working on. we have to go sell our "interiors" scheme to them. i had to get up early this morning because of it. but the funny thing is that it's like 8:50 in the morning and no on is at the office. hahaha.
since i come into work late all the time (9:30am) i never know when people show up to the office. it's good to know that peeps don't start showing up until 9 or so.
....
hahaha. my boss just came driving up and jumped out of his car. his door is still open and his car is sitting in the middle of the drive thorough fair. he came to my desk and was like "we have a meting at 9!?" and i was like "9:30" and he goes "oh! so i'm not late!?" ...
typical crazyness that goes on around here. i have a feeling he's going to call me into his office soon to review the scheme.
damn. the day started too soon.
Tuesday, August 2, 2005
WoW is my life
Nothing wrong with that eh? Yeah well. I did something which really confirmed my addiction to WoW. I started a WoW diary on my website. hehehe. good god. well, i figure i have nothing much to say about my "other" life so I'd give my WoW Diary a spin.
oh. i do have one thing to report about my "other" life. i got a raise! whoop!
hmmm. now what to spend my money on... i know! a mount! lol. nevermind... yet another World of Warcraft reference. must stop!
oh. i do have one thing to report about my "other" life. i got a raise! whoop!
hmmm. now what to spend my money on... i know! a mount! lol. nevermind... yet another World of Warcraft reference. must stop!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Happy Birthday Ren!
well. another successfully unsuccessful weekend.
got to level 35 with my alt character (human mage). once again neglected the clothes that need to be hung and folded.
managed to remember to feed the dog and cat...and myself :)
finally uploaded my website reconstruction. interface sucks but content is more up to date. i'm trying to find a really good way to set up photo albums without using stuff like ophoto and snapfish. those types of sites are good for sharing photos but the user has to sign up as well..which is poop.
Going to head to bed now and dread tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment at 10am. I HATE dentists.. Although my dentist is the best in Austin, it's still a place of horror for me. hehe. any place where you subject yourself to a tiny room with sharp objects which get played with in your mouth sounds like a nightmare to me.
anyhoo.
Happy Birthday Ren!!
What are you now? 16? hehehe.
got to level 35 with my alt character (human mage). once again neglected the clothes that need to be hung and folded.
managed to remember to feed the dog and cat...and myself :)
finally uploaded my website reconstruction. interface sucks but content is more up to date. i'm trying to find a really good way to set up photo albums without using stuff like ophoto and snapfish. those types of sites are good for sharing photos but the user has to sign up as well..which is poop.
Going to head to bed now and dread tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment at 10am. I HATE dentists.. Although my dentist is the best in Austin, it's still a place of horror for me. hehe. any place where you subject yourself to a tiny room with sharp objects which get played with in your mouth sounds like a nightmare to me.
anyhoo.
Happy Birthday Ren!!
What are you now? 16? hehehe.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
eternal sunshine
jeremy was right. i shouldn't have taken a nap when i got home this evening. i was just so tired and couldn't be bothered with having to keep my eyes open. needless to say, i slept until 10pm and missed dinner. i also missed a full evening of WoW (world of warcraft). we have our alts to level 32 now. impressive considering the short time we've spent on them.
got online and chatted up with a internet buddy from cali. also spent some time on ventrillo talking to eric and akash.. actually more like listening to them argue about how to treat a woman. it's funny. they don't even ask me cuz it's like i'm not a girl to them... fine by me. like i know how a woman wants to be treated. every individual woman is an individual problem all to itself. this goes for guys too.
lately though, i have been having a really hard time focusing on anything. my whole life went through a complete re-org after my trip to thailand. i'm a little more blunt now. a lot more honest and far less patient with skirting around reality.
and the truth is that right now i'm having a hard time dealing with my loss of friends.
one in particular. you could say that i was burned a bit. not that i wasn't at fault either.
the problem is that i have a much higher definition of friendship than most people. for me, friends are everything. sex, boyfriends, girlfriends.. those things are just act of physical desire and needs. but friendship is where i get my emotional fix.
anyhow, i'm dealing with that now. listening to a lot of the sundays and wishing i could talk to someone about it. but my confidant is gone. go figure. i feel like i've been erased. you know, like that movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. the anger he felt when clementine erased him, that's how i feel. you fucking erased me you bastard. i wish i could erase you too.
me
You haunt me now like never before
And I want you gone from my thoughts
I want to be free of your grasp
Holding my heart crushing for crumbs
And my mind is so lost in
The memory of your last words to me
And the feeling of freedom
When I was your confidant
There's nothing to now
And the life I live now
So I have to get it out
This knowing and unknowing
And let the world know
That everything died
When you went away
As if a part of me will never
Quite be complete
And I owe you nothing
And you owe me nothing
We deserted each other
With equal space
How many words have
I written in my mind
Of hatred and love
A friendship torn
A sacrifice for love
It seems sweet
and yet I am completely enraged
That someone would
Sacrifice part of their soul
Obviously not their own
And settle for happiness
Quaint and delicious
I'm sure
Play pretend
And make like
We never existed
But I'm here
And you will always burn
In my memory
A sadness that scorches
The back of my mind
Forever
and that's the truth. something i would never admit before... but now i don't really see a point in pretending.
got online and chatted up with a internet buddy from cali. also spent some time on ventrillo talking to eric and akash.. actually more like listening to them argue about how to treat a woman. it's funny. they don't even ask me cuz it's like i'm not a girl to them... fine by me. like i know how a woman wants to be treated. every individual woman is an individual problem all to itself. this goes for guys too.
lately though, i have been having a really hard time focusing on anything. my whole life went through a complete re-org after my trip to thailand. i'm a little more blunt now. a lot more honest and far less patient with skirting around reality.
and the truth is that right now i'm having a hard time dealing with my loss of friends.
one in particular. you could say that i was burned a bit. not that i wasn't at fault either.
the problem is that i have a much higher definition of friendship than most people. for me, friends are everything. sex, boyfriends, girlfriends.. those things are just act of physical desire and needs. but friendship is where i get my emotional fix.
anyhow, i'm dealing with that now. listening to a lot of the sundays and wishing i could talk to someone about it. but my confidant is gone. go figure. i feel like i've been erased. you know, like that movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. the anger he felt when clementine erased him, that's how i feel. you fucking erased me you bastard. i wish i could erase you too.
me
You haunt me now like never before
And I want you gone from my thoughts
I want to be free of your grasp
Holding my heart crushing for crumbs
And my mind is so lost in
The memory of your last words to me
And the feeling of freedom
When I was your confidant
There's nothing to now
And the life I live now
So I have to get it out
This knowing and unknowing
And let the world know
That everything died
When you went away
As if a part of me will never
Quite be complete
And I owe you nothing
And you owe me nothing
We deserted each other
With equal space
How many words have
I written in my mind
Of hatred and love
A friendship torn
A sacrifice for love
It seems sweet
and yet I am completely enraged
That someone would
Sacrifice part of their soul
Obviously not their own
And settle for happiness
Quaint and delicious
I'm sure
Play pretend
And make like
We never existed
But I'm here
And you will always burn
In my memory
A sadness that scorches
The back of my mind
Forever
and that's the truth. something i would never admit before... but now i don't really see a point in pretending.
Sunday, May 1, 2005
where in the world is ren?
so i'm staring at your picture. wanting to go dancing. wanting someone to call on my way home and talk about the futility of life. needing your optimism to drown my growing pessimism.
goddamn it ren. will you quit dicking around in europe and come back to austin?
please hurry home! i miss you like crazy!
by the way, i've been reading your post and you need to stop drinking the water over there. it's making you do some crazy things. :D
goddamn it ren. will you quit dicking around in europe and come back to austin?
please hurry home! i miss you like crazy!
by the way, i've been reading your post and you need to stop drinking the water over there. it's making you do some crazy things. :D
Saturday, April 16, 2005
happy birthday jerms
whew. the end of a stressful week.
had to work super late every day this week.
got my 50% drawing submission done though. it's quite amazing that at the age of 27, i will already get to see a building designed and built.
it's weird though because a lot of my stress this week wasn't about the job but the life i was neglecting on the side. jeremy's birthday is today (16th). i fretted for two weeks on what to get him. i can honestly say that for the first time in 10 plus years, i have not known what to buy him. in the past, i usually buy him 6-10 presents for his birthday. this year, a complete and utter blank.
a part of me felt guilty because i thought that maybe work was interfering with my thought process. maybe if i had been around more, i'd know what he wants. but then i started taking inventory of everything he ever wanted and all the things he already has. there is almost nothing left. for this birthday, he told me all he wanted was permission to dual out his truck (two mufflers twice the noise). but i've pretty much been refusing. i could never submit to allowing that kind of excessive nuisance.
so. instead of getting him some object of monetary value, i decided to get him a memory event. there are few events in our lives...lack of time..lack of will. we prefer to stay at home and play on our computers.
i bought tickets for him, myself, my brother, and our friend eric to go see the Spur's Basketball game tonight. I figured we could go hang out at the river walk and have a late lunch...then go to the game.
So, here's the message I wrote in my birthday card to him:
-----------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERMS
What do you get a guy who has everything?
Not a single person could come up with a viable answer.
Not a single one.
SO, I wrote you a poem instead....
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Who's going to a Spur's Basketball Game?
That would be you!
-------------------
Something in me thinks he'll still be disappointed in the lack of presents but I hope my creativity will make up for most of that.
had to work super late every day this week.
got my 50% drawing submission done though. it's quite amazing that at the age of 27, i will already get to see a building designed and built.
it's weird though because a lot of my stress this week wasn't about the job but the life i was neglecting on the side. jeremy's birthday is today (16th). i fretted for two weeks on what to get him. i can honestly say that for the first time in 10 plus years, i have not known what to buy him. in the past, i usually buy him 6-10 presents for his birthday. this year, a complete and utter blank.
a part of me felt guilty because i thought that maybe work was interfering with my thought process. maybe if i had been around more, i'd know what he wants. but then i started taking inventory of everything he ever wanted and all the things he already has. there is almost nothing left. for this birthday, he told me all he wanted was permission to dual out his truck (two mufflers twice the noise). but i've pretty much been refusing. i could never submit to allowing that kind of excessive nuisance.
so. instead of getting him some object of monetary value, i decided to get him a memory event. there are few events in our lives...lack of time..lack of will. we prefer to stay at home and play on our computers.
i bought tickets for him, myself, my brother, and our friend eric to go see the Spur's Basketball game tonight. I figured we could go hang out at the river walk and have a late lunch...then go to the game.
So, here's the message I wrote in my birthday card to him:
-----------------------------
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERMS
What do you get a guy who has everything?
Not a single person could come up with a viable answer.
Not a single one.
SO, I wrote you a poem instead....
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Who's going to a Spur's Basketball Game?
That would be you!
-------------------
Something in me thinks he'll still be disappointed in the lack of presents but I hope my creativity will make up for most of that.
Saturday, April 2, 2005
sin city, plenty of sin
woke up this morning and starting doing chores right away. started with the bathrooms, then worked my way to the kitchen and laundry. now the house is squared away.
took a shower, ate left over Chinese from last night and then went to go see sin city with my brother and friends.
the movie is graphically interesting but i wouldn't say phenomenal or anything. story-line was right up tarrentino's alley who guest directed the movie. expect tons of graphic violence and a lot of penis severing. i don't recommend this movie for people who don't have a strong preference towards movies that over play the whole vigilante thing.
went to the groceries afterwards. we bought pie and fruit for when trish and alain come over. they're bringing us pizza for dinner. yum. i usually reserve pizza for once a year on jeremy's birthday. oh well. :) pizza is sooooo good. we're supposed to watch a movie called "being there". it's a really old movie. trish keeps raving about it so we'll see.
onward...
took a shower, ate left over Chinese from last night and then went to go see sin city with my brother and friends.
the movie is graphically interesting but i wouldn't say phenomenal or anything. story-line was right up tarrentino's alley who guest directed the movie. expect tons of graphic violence and a lot of penis severing. i don't recommend this movie for people who don't have a strong preference towards movies that over play the whole vigilante thing.
went to the groceries afterwards. we bought pie and fruit for when trish and alain come over. they're bringing us pizza for dinner. yum. i usually reserve pizza for once a year on jeremy's birthday. oh well. :) pizza is sooooo good. we're supposed to watch a movie called "being there". it's a really old movie. trish keeps raving about it so we'll see.
onward...
Friday, April 1, 2005
i'm becoming a masochist
lets talk about pain.
yes, shall we?
woke up at 6am and took an oral sedation pill. i got up and was completely nauseous. i waited for my brother to pick me up at 6:30am and then we headed to the periodontist's office.
when i got there, i was only a little groggy. it was pretty apparent to me that the oral sedation wasn't going to do me much good for the surgery.
around 7am. they started the surgery. i was to get a gum lift. i only had some idea of what it meant but i'm pretty glad i didn't know. otherwise, would have been petrified all week. the doctor started out by giving me a serious of 8 or so shots throughout the front of my mouth and in my lip. i could feel the first few of them but the rest were pretty painless since my mouth was becoming numb. next came the "claw"...
after he thought my gum was numb enough he started to use this claw looking tool to pry my gums away from my teeth. you can think of it like pulling carpet up to stretch it out again. once he got enough of the gum away from the tooth, he used tweezers to pull and stretch the gum up. after being properly stretched and pulled, he began to sew the gum in place. this is where the real pain started, if you can imagine.
i could feel the needle going through, at first only a very slight pain. then i began to have a feeling of soreness. he stitched it in place and then wired the stitches around my teeth for security. i was completely awake and aware of all of this. i could see the metal tools and blood and needles. the last part was the final blow. he pushed some gauze up against the area he had just worked on and then pressed very hard to apply pressure.
i thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head from the pain. then they gave me an ice pack and i was on my way home.
when i go home, i climbed straight into bed. i spent a good hour closing my eyes and trying to mediate the pain away. luckily, my sleepiness overrode the pain and when i woke up several hours later, the pain was extremely duller.
after i got up, i felt good enough to do my next self portrait shoot for Sunday. after jeremy got home, we watched bridget jones, the edge of reason and the incredibles. i def. liked the incredibles more than bridget jones. i just didn't really buy the chemistry between collin firth and renee zellwegger.
we ordered some chinese take-out and i'm now contemplating on heading straight to bed or working on my website.
trish and her husband alain are coming over tomorrow for dinner. toilets need to get cleaned, floors need to be vacuumed, kitty litter needs to get emptied, laundry needs to be done, dishes need washing..on and on on and on.. but i'm sleepy. maybe i'll have more energy tomorrow afternoon.
yes, shall we?
woke up at 6am and took an oral sedation pill. i got up and was completely nauseous. i waited for my brother to pick me up at 6:30am and then we headed to the periodontist's office.
when i got there, i was only a little groggy. it was pretty apparent to me that the oral sedation wasn't going to do me much good for the surgery.
around 7am. they started the surgery. i was to get a gum lift. i only had some idea of what it meant but i'm pretty glad i didn't know. otherwise, would have been petrified all week. the doctor started out by giving me a serious of 8 or so shots throughout the front of my mouth and in my lip. i could feel the first few of them but the rest were pretty painless since my mouth was becoming numb. next came the "claw"...
after he thought my gum was numb enough he started to use this claw looking tool to pry my gums away from my teeth. you can think of it like pulling carpet up to stretch it out again. once he got enough of the gum away from the tooth, he used tweezers to pull and stretch the gum up. after being properly stretched and pulled, he began to sew the gum in place. this is where the real pain started, if you can imagine.
i could feel the needle going through, at first only a very slight pain. then i began to have a feeling of soreness. he stitched it in place and then wired the stitches around my teeth for security. i was completely awake and aware of all of this. i could see the metal tools and blood and needles. the last part was the final blow. he pushed some gauze up against the area he had just worked on and then pressed very hard to apply pressure.
i thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head from the pain. then they gave me an ice pack and i was on my way home.
when i go home, i climbed straight into bed. i spent a good hour closing my eyes and trying to mediate the pain away. luckily, my sleepiness overrode the pain and when i woke up several hours later, the pain was extremely duller.
after i got up, i felt good enough to do my next self portrait shoot for Sunday. after jeremy got home, we watched bridget jones, the edge of reason and the incredibles. i def. liked the incredibles more than bridget jones. i just didn't really buy the chemistry between collin firth and renee zellwegger.
we ordered some chinese take-out and i'm now contemplating on heading straight to bed or working on my website.
trish and her husband alain are coming over tomorrow for dinner. toilets need to get cleaned, floors need to be vacuumed, kitty litter needs to get emptied, laundry needs to be done, dishes need washing..on and on on and on.. but i'm sleepy. maybe i'll have more energy tomorrow afternoon.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
this evening...
around 6pm, everyone in the office had left except for trish and i. she had just told me some good news so i offered to take her out and buy her a drink. we went to this incredibly warm and lovely italian bistro called cippolina. they have the best pizzas in the world there. i love to get their maragarita chicken pizza. the crust is so thin and the meat is so tender. i find it wonderful that the place is very elegant and yet so simple and not stuck up. it's very austin.
she and i had a good chat for an hour or so. she's such an extroordinary person. it's amazing that she's the oldest of my friends (40+) but she's the youngest in spirit and vigor. it gives me hope that age doesn't define your character.
i've been so tired lately. i worked till 1am last night. it's scary being in the office that late sometimes. it's also very un-natural feeling. jerms wants me to quit my job.
a part of me thinks it'd be nice to play housewife for awhile but another part of me knows i'd grow tired of it easily. i like challenges in my life. i guess for me, if it's not hard, then it's not real.
i'm going in for more oral surgery tomorrow morning. i'm getting an additonal gum lift. apparently the gum graph wasn't enough to fix my recession. i'm hoping it doesn't impede my day too much. i plan on doing another photography shoot with daylight. no work tomorrow. it almost feels wrong. :-)
i have to think of something to get jerms for his birthday. it's coming up in two weeks. he'll be 27, just like me. normally, i have a pretty good idea of things to get but this years i'm totally at a loss. plus, i usually buy him like 10 presents. so ten things is a lot harder than one. don't ask me why but i think it's wrong to only give one birthday present. too dull.
any suggestions?
she and i had a good chat for an hour or so. she's such an extroordinary person. it's amazing that she's the oldest of my friends (40+) but she's the youngest in spirit and vigor. it gives me hope that age doesn't define your character.
i've been so tired lately. i worked till 1am last night. it's scary being in the office that late sometimes. it's also very un-natural feeling. jerms wants me to quit my job.
a part of me thinks it'd be nice to play housewife for awhile but another part of me knows i'd grow tired of it easily. i like challenges in my life. i guess for me, if it's not hard, then it's not real.
i'm going in for more oral surgery tomorrow morning. i'm getting an additonal gum lift. apparently the gum graph wasn't enough to fix my recession. i'm hoping it doesn't impede my day too much. i plan on doing another photography shoot with daylight. no work tomorrow. it almost feels wrong. :-)
i have to think of something to get jerms for his birthday. it's coming up in two weeks. he'll be 27, just like me. normally, i have a pretty good idea of things to get but this years i'm totally at a loss. plus, i usually buy him like 10 presents. so ten things is a lot harder than one. don't ask me why but i think it's wrong to only give one birthday present. too dull.
any suggestions?
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
gallbladder
took a long lunch with jeremy on his break from jury duty, went to the doctor to check out my abdominal pains, organized my photography project, and still put in 8 hours of work. did i mention i haven't had any caffeine today either?
yeah. i'm officially a robot.
sounds like jury duty isn't so bad. jerms seemed to have a lot of fun. he said it felt like the movie runaway jury and he was john cussack. :) it may not be so bad but i'm still not looking forward to it.
went to the doctor after getting pressured into it by my co-worker trish. she insisted i get my abdominal pains checked out. i had a severe pain attack this past Saturday. i predict it's gal stones but who knows. the doctor i saw wasn't very nice. she was very curt and quick. i felt like she didn't even want to hear what i had to say about my problems. maybe she was annoyed that i had self-diagnosed myself already as having gal stones. who knows. i'm going to have to get an ultrasound done in the near future to have it all checked out.
lately, i've been on some false high. i guess it's part adrenaline and part stress. i feel so alive and so numb at the same time. maybe i'm dying. :)
kevin and i decided to stop talking about photography and start doing it. we're starting with self-portraits. a set is due twice a week to each other (wednesdays and fridays). he was right though, you'll never do arts if you don't make time for arts. i finished mine this evening when i got home (around 11pm). i already have ideas for my Sunday shoot.
i also wrote two poems today while i was at work. there is a spark in my mind but i haven't the energy to breath. weirdness.
but now i'm tired. debating on wether to shower before bed...
yeah. i'm officially a robot.
sounds like jury duty isn't so bad. jerms seemed to have a lot of fun. he said it felt like the movie runaway jury and he was john cussack. :) it may not be so bad but i'm still not looking forward to it.
went to the doctor after getting pressured into it by my co-worker trish. she insisted i get my abdominal pains checked out. i had a severe pain attack this past Saturday. i predict it's gal stones but who knows. the doctor i saw wasn't very nice. she was very curt and quick. i felt like she didn't even want to hear what i had to say about my problems. maybe she was annoyed that i had self-diagnosed myself already as having gal stones. who knows. i'm going to have to get an ultrasound done in the near future to have it all checked out.
lately, i've been on some false high. i guess it's part adrenaline and part stress. i feel so alive and so numb at the same time. maybe i'm dying. :)
kevin and i decided to stop talking about photography and start doing it. we're starting with self-portraits. a set is due twice a week to each other (wednesdays and fridays). he was right though, you'll never do arts if you don't make time for arts. i finished mine this evening when i got home (around 11pm). i already have ideas for my Sunday shoot.
i also wrote two poems today while i was at work. there is a spark in my mind but i haven't the energy to breath. weirdness.
but now i'm tired. debating on wether to shower before bed...
Sunday, March 20, 2005
VICCI
a friend of mine from dallas came into town this week for the sxsw festival. i think he got in around thursday night but i didn't see him till like saturday afternoon. my work schedule is getting crazier as deadline approaches.
we went out to magnolia cafe and had lunch. i got two breakfast tacos and a shortstck of whole wheat pancakes. yes, they tasted like cardboard. sometimes the wheat thing is actually good but not in this case. kevin got an omlet and a shortstack of gingerbread pancakes. everytime he blows into town, he says he HAS to get those gingerbread pancakes.
after lunch, we stopped over at his friend's store, a local sex novelty shop on first street. while he chatted with his friend, i perused the goods. there was this entire wall full of dildos. standard stuff. but then i started looking at the butt plugs. it then occured to me that i didn't know what the hell those things were for. it wasn't until later when i asked kevin that i learned what their purpose was. i mean, i've heard of them before but until i saw one, i didn't realize their exact use. there was a sex swing which looked pretty intimidating, a bunch of whips, and a few corny things like candy shaped like boobs and sperm. morgan, who owns the store (sin sations) invited me to their one year anniversary party. she said their would be lots of good beer and jello wresting. hahaha. don't know if i'll be attending that shindig.
i watched a bunch of NCAA games that afternoon and evening when we got back. my bracket went to shit! wake forest went to double over time only to lose out to west virginia in a succession of terrible mistakes.
after that horrible game, kevin and i went downtown to go dancing. we stopped at sky lounge first but it was entirely dead. then we went to the light bar. that place was very cool for a bar but again, there was no dancing. we were on our way to check out boy cellar and saw a bunch a people waiting in line to get into this new club called VICCI. it was packed! i give it two months though. austin's dance scene is terrible. but last night, the place was wild. there were go-go dancers in suspended cages totally shakin' it. the dj was crazy. it was the worst mix of songs ever. he even played def leopard. i thought i was gonna puke. but most of it was dance worthy and so i shook it till around 3 in the morning.
kevin left this afternoon. i'm doing laundry and thinking about making a run to the grocery store. i need to vacuum the house. we got the new filterless dyson vacuum. our other one broke. the dyson is SO expensive. i couldn't believe it. we got the new dyson for pet owners. cost like 540 dollars. luckily, jeremy has cashback bonus awards from discovercard. we doubled his cashback awards by getting certificates to sharper image. so we paid half off for the vacuum. quite a good deal. anyhow, that thing is awesome!! makes vacuuming totally fun.
in other news.
i really want to redesign my website. convert it all to css. play WoW or recreate my website? hmmm..
off to the grocery store..
we went out to magnolia cafe and had lunch. i got two breakfast tacos and a shortstck of whole wheat pancakes. yes, they tasted like cardboard. sometimes the wheat thing is actually good but not in this case. kevin got an omlet and a shortstack of gingerbread pancakes. everytime he blows into town, he says he HAS to get those gingerbread pancakes.
after lunch, we stopped over at his friend's store, a local sex novelty shop on first street. while he chatted with his friend, i perused the goods. there was this entire wall full of dildos. standard stuff. but then i started looking at the butt plugs. it then occured to me that i didn't know what the hell those things were for. it wasn't until later when i asked kevin that i learned what their purpose was. i mean, i've heard of them before but until i saw one, i didn't realize their exact use. there was a sex swing which looked pretty intimidating, a bunch of whips, and a few corny things like candy shaped like boobs and sperm. morgan, who owns the store (sin sations) invited me to their one year anniversary party. she said their would be lots of good beer and jello wresting. hahaha. don't know if i'll be attending that shindig.
i watched a bunch of NCAA games that afternoon and evening when we got back. my bracket went to shit! wake forest went to double over time only to lose out to west virginia in a succession of terrible mistakes.
after that horrible game, kevin and i went downtown to go dancing. we stopped at sky lounge first but it was entirely dead. then we went to the light bar. that place was very cool for a bar but again, there was no dancing. we were on our way to check out boy cellar and saw a bunch a people waiting in line to get into this new club called VICCI. it was packed! i give it two months though. austin's dance scene is terrible. but last night, the place was wild. there were go-go dancers in suspended cages totally shakin' it. the dj was crazy. it was the worst mix of songs ever. he even played def leopard. i thought i was gonna puke. but most of it was dance worthy and so i shook it till around 3 in the morning.
kevin left this afternoon. i'm doing laundry and thinking about making a run to the grocery store. i need to vacuum the house. we got the new filterless dyson vacuum. our other one broke. the dyson is SO expensive. i couldn't believe it. we got the new dyson for pet owners. cost like 540 dollars. luckily, jeremy has cashback bonus awards from discovercard. we doubled his cashback awards by getting certificates to sharper image. so we paid half off for the vacuum. quite a good deal. anyhow, that thing is awesome!! makes vacuuming totally fun.
in other news.
i really want to redesign my website. convert it all to css. play WoW or recreate my website? hmmm..
off to the grocery store..
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
you can call me cannibal
yesterday was amazingly fucked up.
all started when i got in the car and noticed the red sweater i wore last Friday shed all over my seat belt. i was covered in red fuzz.
got to work and had a really long and boring meeting with the bosses about some design changes in the project i'm working on.
they left to get ready for their flight out to kansas (no bosses for a day a half. yeah).
i went to go pick up a smoothie for myself and trish at the office. got the smoothies, one large strawberry banana for me and one large blueberry banana for her. was on the way back to the office when some guy cut in front of a another car and we all had to break really hard. my strawberry banana smoothie goes flying to the floor and the entire contents empties out.
i get back to the office, cussing the whole way of course, and run to the bathroom to grab some towels. i start cleaning up the mess but all i can see is like a lake of pepto bismol shit everywhere. i pick up the cup and put it in the cup holder, pink ooze still dripping everywhere. i lean down to pick up more paper towels full of smoothie and my hair dunks straight into the cup i just picked up. so now i have smoothie all in my hair. i cuss some more.
after i get as much as i can out, i realize that the situation is pretty bad and that something has to be done or else my car will start to really stink.
i give trish her smoothie and tell her i'm heading out to genie car wash to get this stuff shampooed out. she reminds me to get my gums checked out today because of what i told her earlier.
what i told her earlier: (don't read if you get grossed out easily) sometime last Friday, i noticed that not all of the tissue graph was sticking and that a lot of the sutures were coming loose. fastforward to Saturday evening. i'm eating some healthy choice canned gumbo stuff and notice my surgery area feels weird. i get up and go to the mirror to check it out. i ate myself. i ate the remaining tissue graph somehow. yummy.
so i was concerned that my graph wasn't successful so i called and made an appointment with the periodontist Monday after trish insisted i have it checked out right away.
i got the front of my car shampooed and all cleaned up. and sometime during the whole clean up mess, one of the decorative flaps on my pants broke. the button fell off. i went home and changed into jeans and logged into WoW for 30 minutes. long enough to turn in a quest.
i then went to best buy and bought myself the new tori amos to make myself feel better.
when i got to the periodontist, he told me that it's natural for a part of the graph to sludge off because the blood can't reach the tops of it. (things that would have been good to know prior). he said i have a new healthy layer of gum tissue and that i should start molding it over my teeth with my fingers. gross. i'll use my tongue.
got back to the office and half the office left. a few of the girls and i decided to call it an early day and went to z-tejas for drinks (i drank a diet soda. it was a good as alcohol to me).
got home. played wow. went to bed.
all started when i got in the car and noticed the red sweater i wore last Friday shed all over my seat belt. i was covered in red fuzz.
got to work and had a really long and boring meeting with the bosses about some design changes in the project i'm working on.
they left to get ready for their flight out to kansas (no bosses for a day a half. yeah).
i went to go pick up a smoothie for myself and trish at the office. got the smoothies, one large strawberry banana for me and one large blueberry banana for her. was on the way back to the office when some guy cut in front of a another car and we all had to break really hard. my strawberry banana smoothie goes flying to the floor and the entire contents empties out.
i get back to the office, cussing the whole way of course, and run to the bathroom to grab some towels. i start cleaning up the mess but all i can see is like a lake of pepto bismol shit everywhere. i pick up the cup and put it in the cup holder, pink ooze still dripping everywhere. i lean down to pick up more paper towels full of smoothie and my hair dunks straight into the cup i just picked up. so now i have smoothie all in my hair. i cuss some more.
after i get as much as i can out, i realize that the situation is pretty bad and that something has to be done or else my car will start to really stink.
i give trish her smoothie and tell her i'm heading out to genie car wash to get this stuff shampooed out. she reminds me to get my gums checked out today because of what i told her earlier.
what i told her earlier: (don't read if you get grossed out easily) sometime last Friday, i noticed that not all of the tissue graph was sticking and that a lot of the sutures were coming loose. fastforward to Saturday evening. i'm eating some healthy choice canned gumbo stuff and notice my surgery area feels weird. i get up and go to the mirror to check it out. i ate myself. i ate the remaining tissue graph somehow. yummy.
so i was concerned that my graph wasn't successful so i called and made an appointment with the periodontist Monday after trish insisted i have it checked out right away.
i got the front of my car shampooed and all cleaned up. and sometime during the whole clean up mess, one of the decorative flaps on my pants broke. the button fell off. i went home and changed into jeans and logged into WoW for 30 minutes. long enough to turn in a quest.
i then went to best buy and bought myself the new tori amos to make myself feel better.
when i got to the periodontist, he told me that it's natural for a part of the graph to sludge off because the blood can't reach the tops of it. (things that would have been good to know prior). he said i have a new healthy layer of gum tissue and that i should start molding it over my teeth with my fingers. gross. i'll use my tongue.
got back to the office and half the office left. a few of the girls and i decided to call it an early day and went to z-tejas for drinks (i drank a diet soda. it was a good as alcohol to me).
got home. played wow. went to bed.
Sunday, March 6, 2005
this is my mouth
i had oral surgery last week. gum graph.
apparently your gums are more important than your teeth.
they had to take part of my gum tissue from the top of my mouth
and graph it onto the inner bottom part of my teeth. i'm going for a checkup
next week to see if the graph was successful.
i have been drinking lots of smoothies. can't eat food i have to bite into.
sucks. i've never been so hungry.
dentists and periodontists freak me out. i hate sharp objects in my mouth.
it's a phobia for me.
didn't do too much today. j and i went grocery shopping. now we're playing WoW.
up to level 55 now. 5 more till max level. i'm a crack addict.
i want to go out and buy the new tori amos. i heard reviews about it. they weren't very positive but then i heard sleeps with butterflies. even though it's a far more pacid sound than her earlier works. it's very lounge/elevator music-like. and i love elevator music so i'm gonna check it out.
apparently your gums are more important than your teeth.
they had to take part of my gum tissue from the top of my mouth
and graph it onto the inner bottom part of my teeth. i'm going for a checkup
next week to see if the graph was successful.
i have been drinking lots of smoothies. can't eat food i have to bite into.
sucks. i've never been so hungry.
dentists and periodontists freak me out. i hate sharp objects in my mouth.
it's a phobia for me.
didn't do too much today. j and i went grocery shopping. now we're playing WoW.
up to level 55 now. 5 more till max level. i'm a crack addict.
i want to go out and buy the new tori amos. i heard reviews about it. they weren't very positive but then i heard sleeps with butterflies. even though it's a far more pacid sound than her earlier works. it's very lounge/elevator music-like. and i love elevator music so i'm gonna check it out.
i feel that you are out there but you're in a dimension i just can't reach you. you're gone. and it's hard now because i don't like living in a world that you're not in. i always knew you would never be my partner. that fit just wasn't right. but i have always known that you were my soul mate. i will always be alone because you are gone. reality is such a hard pill to swallow. i want to cry but i won't. i want to die but i don't. i want to wake up and not hate the person that i am, but i am simply me every morning.
i am so undone.
we do these things and we act the way we do when we are young because we think there are going to be so many other people in our lives who affect us in the same way. but it's not like that at all. in fact, the older you get, the less people seem real. the less you can relate to them. they come to you tainted and self-focused. it's almost impossible to connect because we grow so disconnected. we lose trust and hope.
and that's why it's possible to destroy your only true confidant when you're young. you just don't know better.
life is bitter as time passes. this, of course, is coming from a born pessimist. i can't help myself. there are very few things anymore that make living worth the while. i am just buying time...etc.
but this will pass i'm sure. tomorrow is always a new distraction...
i am so undone.
we do these things and we act the way we do when we are young because we think there are going to be so many other people in our lives who affect us in the same way. but it's not like that at all. in fact, the older you get, the less people seem real. the less you can relate to them. they come to you tainted and self-focused. it's almost impossible to connect because we grow so disconnected. we lose trust and hope.
and that's why it's possible to destroy your only true confidant when you're young. you just don't know better.
life is bitter as time passes. this, of course, is coming from a born pessimist. i can't help myself. there are very few things anymore that make living worth the while. i am just buying time...etc.
but this will pass i'm sure. tomorrow is always a new distraction...
Thursday, February 10, 2005
life tends to be so bizzaro sometimes. i guess that's just how it is when you have principles but you don't stand up to them. i know many people aren't familiar with the development world. you can compare developers to walmart. the theory is nice but the result is massive cultural annihilation. money above all. anyhow. my tiny firm is on the fringe of mutating into something hideously corporate. and i'm the co-pilot. it's my job. it's one of those things that you just go through the motions of but your mind is screaming the entire way. oh well. not like i had any solid moral or principles anyhow. in my mind, the world is such a horrible fucked up place that we can't possibly be heading in the forward and up direction anytime soon.
our city council presentation of our proposal was today. it was exciting because my drawings were being broadcasted locally through the internet and tv. my inner-15 minutes of fame. hehe. but at the same time, we may have actually gotten the job. let me restate. we may have helped our developer client land the city lot to build a massive 15.1 million dollar mixed use building. yes, it sounds nice. but that's in theory. the deal with developers is that it's all about the money. ALL about the money. and when people are all about the money, it's like going into a meeting and sitting next to nothing but rats and snakes. it makes my skin crawl.
our next meeting with the city council is next week. and although half of me wishes we don't get picked to develop the lots in question, a part of me hopes to crush the rest of the competition. damn. maybe i'm a snake too.
like i said. nothing in this world is concrete. my principles are useless. as proven by my actions.
in other news. i might be homicidal.
....
our city council presentation of our proposal was today. it was exciting because my drawings were being broadcasted locally through the internet and tv. my inner-15 minutes of fame. hehe. but at the same time, we may have actually gotten the job. let me restate. we may have helped our developer client land the city lot to build a massive 15.1 million dollar mixed use building. yes, it sounds nice. but that's in theory. the deal with developers is that it's all about the money. ALL about the money. and when people are all about the money, it's like going into a meeting and sitting next to nothing but rats and snakes. it makes my skin crawl.
our next meeting with the city council is next week. and although half of me wishes we don't get picked to develop the lots in question, a part of me hopes to crush the rest of the competition. damn. maybe i'm a snake too.
like i said. nothing in this world is concrete. my principles are useless. as proven by my actions.
in other news. i might be homicidal.
....
Sunday, January 30, 2005
wow - world of warcraft
yup. if you thought diablo two was addictive.. add the MMORPG aspect to it and what you got is gaming crack cocaine. hehe.
been leveling my night elf druid. ganking some major horde.
doing mmorpgs (massive multi-player online role playing games) is an entire lifestyle change. you seriously forgo everything in "reality" and submerse yourself into the gaming world. i can spend all freaking day long playing online. blizzard did a really good job too with creating an intriguing world to hook you into. FFXI (final fantasy XI) was good but it was way too tedious. world of warcraft takes all the tediousness out.
finally got my eyes checked today. haven't been to the optometrist in like years. my prescription is the same so that's good. i'm getting cool new glasses too. i got hazel colored contacts and clear ones. i love insurance. :)
tomorrow i'm going to the dentist. its been two years. i have a serious phobia of dentist appointments. the hygienist always rips my mouth apart. i'm praying for no cavities. i guess we'll see. i guess the bright side of the dentist appointment is that i get to take off of work for a morning.
work is really kicking my ass. i need to retire as soon as possible.
oh well. time to go design an amphitheater. yeah. :P
been leveling my night elf druid. ganking some major horde.
doing mmorpgs (massive multi-player online role playing games) is an entire lifestyle change. you seriously forgo everything in "reality" and submerse yourself into the gaming world. i can spend all freaking day long playing online. blizzard did a really good job too with creating an intriguing world to hook you into. FFXI (final fantasy XI) was good but it was way too tedious. world of warcraft takes all the tediousness out.
finally got my eyes checked today. haven't been to the optometrist in like years. my prescription is the same so that's good. i'm getting cool new glasses too. i got hazel colored contacts and clear ones. i love insurance. :)
tomorrow i'm going to the dentist. its been two years. i have a serious phobia of dentist appointments. the hygienist always rips my mouth apart. i'm praying for no cavities. i guess we'll see. i guess the bright side of the dentist appointment is that i get to take off of work for a morning.
work is really kicking my ass. i need to retire as soon as possible.
oh well. time to go design an amphitheater. yeah. :P
Saturday, January 22, 2005
it's always weird to start these back up when you've been gone for so long. i hate playing catch up, so i won't. i dont' really owe anyone any explanations for my absence except for myself. i let myself get caught up in stupid notions of productivity. eh.. whatever.
yesterday i went out with two of my friends. i had an entire mexican martini shaker by myself. oy. i won't be doing that again for a long time. i was just so completely frustrated from work. i was so angry. i knew i needed some kind of antidote to make all my hatred go away. it worked. my frustration was replaced by a massive headache! i spent most of today staring into space trying to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life. actually, i spent most of the day trying to figure out if it is even necessary to figure out some sort of life-plan. can't we just simply act and do? if we simply just let life happen, will we end up regretting that we didn't spend more time contemplating our actions and their reactions?
when you grow up the way i did, you have this notion that things have to turn out a certain way. i'm not talking about marriage or kids or any of that superficial bullshit. i'm talking about how you feel about your life and where it's going. i always thought i'd be emotionally stable when i grew up. that the more time passed..the more i'd be in control of my state of mind. how wrong i was. i've never been more lost.
you are only young once. only 250 million people out of 6+ billion get to be born an american. shouldn't i be taking advantage of my youth and position in this world? why am i moving through life like there's something better waiting for me tomorrow? Is it true that you have to be miserable today in order to be happy tomorrow?
i've been sick lately. i haven't been able to breathe completely. it's like i'm slowly suffocating. it seems appropriate for my state of mind. drowning....
yesterday i went out with two of my friends. i had an entire mexican martini shaker by myself. oy. i won't be doing that again for a long time. i was just so completely frustrated from work. i was so angry. i knew i needed some kind of antidote to make all my hatred go away. it worked. my frustration was replaced by a massive headache! i spent most of today staring into space trying to figure out what i want to do with the rest of my life. actually, i spent most of the day trying to figure out if it is even necessary to figure out some sort of life-plan. can't we just simply act and do? if we simply just let life happen, will we end up regretting that we didn't spend more time contemplating our actions and their reactions?
when you grow up the way i did, you have this notion that things have to turn out a certain way. i'm not talking about marriage or kids or any of that superficial bullshit. i'm talking about how you feel about your life and where it's going. i always thought i'd be emotionally stable when i grew up. that the more time passed..the more i'd be in control of my state of mind. how wrong i was. i've never been more lost.
you are only young once. only 250 million people out of 6+ billion get to be born an american. shouldn't i be taking advantage of my youth and position in this world? why am i moving through life like there's something better waiting for me tomorrow? Is it true that you have to be miserable today in order to be happy tomorrow?
i've been sick lately. i haven't been able to breathe completely. it's like i'm slowly suffocating. it seems appropriate for my state of mind. drowning....