Happy Birthday Ren!

well. another successfully unsuccessful weekend.
got to level 35 with my alt character (human mage). once again neglected the clothes that need to be hung and folded.

managed to remember to feed the dog and cat...and myself :)

finally uploaded my website reconstruction. interface sucks but content is more up to date. i'm trying to find a really good way to set up photo albums without using stuff like ophoto and snapfish. those types of sites are good for sharing photos but the user has to sign up as well..which is poop.

Going to head to bed now and dread tomorrow. I have a dentist appointment at 10am. I HATE dentists.. Although my dentist is the best in Austin, it's still a place of horror for me. hehe. any place where you subject yourself to a tiny room with sharp objects which get played with in your mouth sounds like a nightmare to me.

anyhoo.

Happy Birthday Ren!!


What are you now? 16? hehehe.

eternal sunshine

jeremy was right. i shouldn't have taken a nap when i got home this evening. i was just so tired and couldn't be bothered with having to keep my eyes open. needless to say, i slept until 10pm and missed dinner. i also missed a full evening of WoW (world of warcraft). we have our alts to level 32 now. impressive considering the short time we've spent on them.

got online and chatted up with a internet buddy from cali. also spent some time on ventrillo talking to eric and akash.. actually more like listening to them argue about how to treat a woman. it's funny. they don't even ask me cuz it's like i'm not a girl to them... fine by me. like i know how a woman wants to be treated. every individual woman is an individual problem all to itself. this goes for guys too.

lately though, i have been having a really hard time focusing on anything. my whole life went through a complete re-org after my trip to thailand. i'm a little more blunt now. a lot more honest and far less patient with skirting around reality.

and the truth is that right now i'm having a hard time dealing with my loss of friends.
one in particular. you could say that i was burned a bit. not that i wasn't at fault either.
the problem is that i have a much higher definition of friendship than most people. for me, friends are everything. sex, boyfriends, girlfriends.. those things are just act of physical desire and needs. but friendship is where i get my emotional fix.

anyhow, i'm dealing with that now. listening to a lot of the sundays and wishing i could talk to someone about it. but my confidant is gone. go figure. i feel like i've been erased. you know, like that movie eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. the anger he felt when clementine erased him, that's how i feel. you fucking erased me you bastard. i wish i could erase you too.

me

You haunt me now like never before
And I want you gone from my thoughts
I want to be free of your grasp
Holding my heart crushing for crumbs
And my mind is so lost in
The memory of your last words to me
And the feeling of freedom
When I was your confidant

There's nothing to now
And the life I live now
So I have to get it out
This knowing and unknowing
And let the world know
That everything died
When you went away

As if a part of me will never
Quite be complete
And I owe you nothing
And you owe me nothing
We deserted each other
With equal space

How many words have
I written in my mind
Of hatred and love
A friendship torn
A sacrifice for love

It seems sweet
and yet I am completely enraged
That someone would
Sacrifice part of their soul
Obviously not their own
And settle for happiness

Quaint and delicious
I'm sure
Play pretend
And make like
We never existed

But I'm here
And you will always burn
In my memory
A sadness that scorches
The back of my mind
Forever


and that's the truth. something i would never admit before... but now i don't really see a point in pretending.