life tends to be so bizzaro sometimes. i guess that's just how it is when you have principles but you don't stand up to them. i know many people aren't familiar with the development world. you can compare developers to walmart. the theory is nice but the result is massive cultural annihilation. money above all. anyhow. my tiny firm is on the fringe of mutating into something hideously corporate. and i'm the co-pilot. it's my job. it's one of those things that you just go through the motions of but your mind is screaming the entire way. oh well. not like i had any solid moral or principles anyhow. in my mind, the world is such a horrible fucked up place that we can't possibly be heading in the forward and up direction anytime soon.

our city council presentation of our proposal was today. it was exciting because my drawings were being broadcasted locally through the internet and tv. my inner-15 minutes of fame. hehe. but at the same time, we may have actually gotten the job. let me restate. we may have helped our developer client land the city lot to build a massive 15.1 million dollar mixed use building. yes, it sounds nice. but that's in theory. the deal with developers is that it's all about the money. ALL about the money. and when people are all about the money, it's like going into a meeting and sitting next to nothing but rats and snakes. it makes my skin crawl.

our next meeting with the city council is next week. and although half of me wishes we don't get picked to develop the lots in question, a part of me hopes to crush the rest of the competition. damn. maybe i'm a snake too.

like i said. nothing in this world is concrete. my principles are useless. as proven by my actions.

in other news. i might be homicidal.
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