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i'm crazy.

cat killer

i had some pretty messed up dreams last night. i actually slept twice. Thursday night, i got to sleep around 3am. and woke up around 6:30am. so needless to say, i was busted from work when i got home yesterday evening and tried to take a nap for thirty minutes. i was supposed to wake up around 7:30pm to go eat with a friend but ended up crashing until 1:30am.

oops. i stood up my friend and missed a ton of calls. i didn't want to mess up my schedule so i decided to go light on energy food. i ate some light popcorn and a banana. i watched 50 first dates again. i don't know why i like that movie so much. i guess it's the ultimate typical girl movie because it's about a boy who pines for a girl every day of his life. girl wanting to be wanted and sought after daily = every little girl's dream. i don't know why they let us watch disney when we're young.

anyhow, i just thought it was really cute the first time i saw it and wasn't expecting much from an adam sandler movie..so it was a nice surprise.

i started watching romeo and juliet to try and fall asleep and ended up shutting the movie off and going to sleep when mercusio and tibbult were about to have a throw down. i love the visual artistry of that movie but still complain about their persistence with the original shakesperean language. shakespeare was a writer and an entertainer... of his time. i still stand my ground when i say that the language should be of the time... it's controversial i know..but i get lost sometimes in the translation even though i studied the play up and down my freshmen year of high school. if his tongue hadn't been so poetic and witty, i think we'd understand it easier.

well, about one of my dreams..because it's the one i just had and remember it most vivid.
there's this one scene where i'm driving to and 's apartment and i'm in this huge van. just a note, this scene was following a fucked up one where i was kicking ass playing baseball..and something about a lost woman.. so there is no logic to any of it. i was going to deliver something to them but i don't know what. jeremy and qtpi were with me. as i was pulling into the parking lot i could see the silhouette of in the window.. maybe she was expecting me. i'm not sure. but as i started to look back down, i ran over a small kitty. i freaked out and jumped out of the car with it still running. i scooped up the kitty and it seemed okay but it's legs were really tiny. it meowed and shook it's butt. the interesting thing i remember was what the kitten looked like. it was really chunky but super small, the size of my hand. it had curly blue hair like a clown's head. it had orange and white colored hair. i went up to their apartment to knock on their door. answered it and i could see scowling in the background. she took the kitty away from me and slammed the door. my thoughts were, "i guess it was their cat".. i walked back to the van and looked back up to the window. i saw a pair of eyes peer out from the blinds. then i drove off.

messed up. in one night, i was a baseball player, a girl living in a closet, a runaway, and a cat runner-over.

the blind leading the blind

hahahahahahahahahahah....

Church says girl's communion not valid

the bee gees

i'm sitting here listening to the bee gee's greatest hits. how deep is your love is on.
i am a sucker for 70's love songs. it's just so Sunday morning.

i think i had a lot of good memories when i was young with my dad's music playing in the background. maybe that's why i'm attached to these songs so much. one of my favorite memories is of me and my dad watching the dallas cowboys on tv while eating a whole bag of jalapeno chips. we'd sit in the same recliner chair or on the floor. we'd drink pepsi as i recall. at one point, the carpet bordered on shag..but then the house flooded and we got nicer carpet.

it's weird. i don't have many memories of spending a lot of time with my mom when i was young but she was definitely always there. she did the grunt work i think. taking me to ballet practice, picking me up from day care, cooking dinner, dragging me to and out of bed....
i think i bonded more with my mom after i passed my teenage years. i mostly remember her doing things for me. making me crafts like bows and baskets. she once made all my friends decorated hollow chocolate eggs for easter. she always went out of her way to do things for me.

it's interesting now thinking about my parents and their two different approaches to bonding.
i don't prefer one to the other really. i guess i'm just thankful that i go them both.

is it Monday yet?

jeremy's outside doing lawn work. i refuse to mow the lawn unless it is an absolute emergency. i have bad memories from my childhood of spending many hot summers mowing our vast lawn. i told jeremy that i would concrete the whole back yard if i ever had to touch the stupid lawn mower again. however, they have these self-propelled lawn mowers now. we got one for my dad on father's day last year. he donated the "hard-labor-push-it-yourself" mower to us when we got the new house.

i made tuna sandwiches today. i don't normally cook (if you can call tuna sandwiches cooking) so it was quite a feat. i like to make mine with minimal mayo and more mustard. i also like to add apples to the tuna with a good helping of salt and pepper. i served it on slightly toasted bread with thinly sliced onions. i added some chips and apple slices to the side and walla... i made lunch.

yesterday, i set out to hobby lobby to find some decorating ideas for the kitchen. i spent nearly an hour and a half trying to decide if i should keep my kitchen sparse or add some color to it. after much debate, i bought several tin can vases and fake dried flowers. i also got some really realistic fake fruit as well. i know, writing this down, i can see how you'd say.. "oh my gawd, how cheesy" but i thought the same thing when it was in my cart. but hey, i had a vision and i was sure i could work it out. jeremy called me from work and i told him that i had been pacing the aisles for the past hour deciding if i could pull it off. he said to go for it and so i did.

80 bucks later, i have a very northern country kitchen look. it's not even country so much as "Sunday brunch in autumn"... it's hard to describe. i need to get one of those nifty cameras that and have. i actually have a digital camera, a nice one, but i haven't figured out how to use it with proper indoor lighting.. it either comes out too dark or way too bright.

maybe i'll get off my lazy bum and go take pictures. you can see the before and after.

well, i think jeremy's done fertilizing the lawn now. i'm mid-laundry right now. i just took the whites out and the darks are doing there thing. i'm going to get back to my architecture project. my partner's gonna be pissed if i don't produce something soon...

the plumber and i

i woke up this morning with a huge gash on my arm. apparently dessy took a sleigh ride down my arm or something during the night. owey.

i slept in this morning. i took a half-day today so i won't be going into work until around noon. i had to be at home from 8am-12pm to meet the plumber. apparently all of the new houses in the neighborhood have ball-cock problems. yeah i know, that's what i said too.

if it's not fixed, we could find ourselves drowning in a lake of toilet water. so i decided it was worth getting taken care of now.

the plumber was really professional. he even put on those shoe booties to keep dirt off our carpet. he explained to me how we can make our toilets flush with more water. our house has a one star green building rating. as part of that package, they used low-flow toilets. this means that the average flush uses about 1.5 gallons of water instead of 2.6. this would be all well and good except that the low flow of water doesn't do the job the first time. we often have to flush like 3 times to get the "good stuff" down.

and it's also embarrassing for guests. we have to tell them. "hey, if you are going to use the number two, please flush mid-poop to ensure proper drainage." yes.. well at least there won't be a scene from along came polly.

he also told me that using that blue tabs you drop in your toilet is bad. first, it voids the warranty on your toilet. secondly, it softens the rubber on all your toilet parts. last, it clogs the small holes that drain the water into the actual bowl.

things you can learn from a plumber.

crossroads.. no, not the britney movie

i feel like i'm at the crossroads right now.

maybe this is that point in my life where i'm trying to resolve the past and the future. maybe this dying i feel is my hopeful youth..and maybe this complacency i'm slipping into is my adulthood.

i'm scared of becoming empty. i'm scared of turning into one of jeremy's co-workers... drones.
i used to be so optimistic about life. now, i'm not so sure if there was any real hope at all.

i look around me and i see a world full of hate, unfairness, and complete unjust behavior. i look around me and see glamour, glitter, and absolute ignorance in happiness.

i feel like i get to chose somehow. i get to chose between knowing and ignoring. i can exist and continue on and ignore the dark/grey world and simply follow the sunshine path. i'm american. i'm one of the elite of the world. i get the luxury to turn a blind eye to human suffering. i will never have to starve. i will never have to sleep in the cold. i will never have to do a day's worth of hard labor. i will never have to watch my entire family be destroyed. i will never have to watch my people be raped and systematically exterminated while the whole world does nothing. i will never be stoned for walking the streets with a male that is not a relative.

my worries are far more simpler. i worry about my career and how far i can take it. i worry about my relationship and if i can tolerate it. i worry about my image and how i can mask it.
i worry about how i can make my life better... better than what? better than living in a new house with a great view? better than having my very own car and being able to afford a 20 minute drive every day? better than having a job that pays the bills? better than having a stable family base? what am i looking for anyhow?

am i hoping that one day something really, really great will happen to me that will make me say, "okay, now life is worth living."

am i hoping that one day i'll do something really really great that will make me say, "okay, i can make a difference."

i don't know anymore.. ..about anything.
i'm not sure where i'm going.

house to home

jeremy and i took a weekend off of final fantasy xi and got a lot of chores done.
we finally got rid of the bulk of the junk in the downstairs living room and gave it all to goodwill. it's amazing how ready i am to get rid of things now. i refuse to be junk monster i used to be. if haven't played with it, touched it, or used it in a year, it's gone.

we went to target hoping to find some cheap furniture pieces to help us store dog and tupperware stuff in the kitchen. unfortunately, the styles available now just don't suit our tastes. i did get some decorative pieces for storing art/items for the kitchen (the one place our house looks complete).

We also moved all of the misc gameroom stuff into the spare room and so the game room/upstairs living room look totally spacious again. we still need to buy desks. we might make a trip up to houston to check out ikea if we get desperate. we'll probably try eurway again. their stuff is kinda hit or miss for us. we got our dining table and computer chairs there. the dining table is nice but there are a lot of flaws..minor scratches and dings here and there. the computer chairs turned out really nice. they were well worth every penny.

so now our house looks more like a home...at least more than it ever has before. i also finally got all the laundry done..only to have it start again today... the guest bedroom is once again free of extra clothes to be folded. i also set up our mcfarlane OZ monsters. see, our guests get to sleep with winnie the pooh, bambie, the fucked up monsters of oz, and pinhead.

sweet dreams. mwahahaha....