the passion of christian money

and after you go see the movie, be sure to buy the merchandise.

http://www.sharethepassionofthechrist.com/

i'm so glad that this movie is banking in so much money. regardless of being a film about christ, gibson followed the rules of movie success.. sex or violence sells.. and sells big time. the 25 minutes of gore even has me interested.

it's about time religion cash in on pop culture. i mean, the WWJD bracelets were a nice start but there's a lot more money to be made. just look at the porn industry. cater to the whims of society and you will always flourish. find out what they want and give it to them unabashedly and in excess....

sunday. s-u-n-d-a-y. sunday.

how do i begin these usually? oh yeah. i'm so tired. heh.
i had a hell of a busy week at work which finally ended last night. i called up to see what he was up to. jeremy and john had an ET game and then went to play poker...

so ren came over and we rented spellbound. it's a documentary about kids that try to win the national spelling bee competition. it was pretty funny but by the time we started the movie, i was crashing out. i can't believe these kids study the entire dictionary. that's amazing. i guess they won't have any problems on the verbal portion of the SAT.

i've already walked the dog this morning and fed her and cleaned out the litter closet.
now i'm waiting for jeremy to get ready cuz it's lunch time and i'm super duper hungry.

heh. qtpi is sleeping with her butt in the air.

thursday morning

this week has been very stressful. i've had a lot on my mind. life gets so much more complicated when you grow up. you have to learn how to play the poltical game on all fronts. you have to somehow get 60 hours in a day. you have to create lists and lists of things that need to be done and watch as none get crossed off. you have to fret over the worries of daily chores.. and if you're like me, you have to worry for everyone else's welfare.

i don't care how much of a free spirit you think you are or were.. put in real life, we all sing and dance like a cage bird... limited, bound, and flying above our own shit.

cockadoodle doo

good morning. i actually got myself out of bed by 5:30am this morning. i walked the dog, packed my lunch, and was at work by 6am. i have so much work to do.

yesterday, jeremy and i went looking for trucks at a ford and nissan dealership. it ended up taking forever so i wasn't able to head back to work as i had planned. instead, we met my brother at chilli's for dinner. i had the guiltless chicken platter along with a pretty damn guilty helping of chips an queso. heh.

when i got home i was zonked. i played with the dog and talked to jeremy about money and the truck. we want to make sure we're getting what we want and for how much we want. while i'm no fan of american cars, i think i favored the ford f150 over the nissan titan.

all i have to say is that we better be hauling lots of crap over the next four years (approx. time before we sell and buy another car).

oy. i guess i better stop avoiding the inevitable. time to start the work day. you guys enjoy another two hours of sleep.

ta ta miss. bradshaw

woohoo.
just watched the final episode of sex and the city. it was absa-fuckin great.
it wasn't great because the script played out perfectly. it was only great because mr. big and carrie are together. and it's a nice slap in the face to see single and fabulous meet committed and coping. so long sexy and witty.. hello every day bullshit.

good bye Sunday night sex...

p.s. Mr. Big's name is.... John.

the weekend of the dog

"you and me
were meant to be
walking free
in harmony" -morcheeba

i went home this weekend with jeremy and qtpi for a family bbq. jeremy's parents threw a huge bbq at his grandmother's place. his aunt and uncle had come down from washington to visit. we had briskets, sausage, chicken, and jambalaya. i brought qtpi to the event. his grandmother's place is in a small town called Winnie outside of Beaumont. She owns acres and acres of land which include farm land. qtpi had a blast running around. she was such a happy dog, the happiest i've seen her. poor dog doesn't have enough freedom in our tiny condo with no backyard.

i spent all morning with her running her around my backyard and neighborhood. she ran and ran and chased tennis balls and sticks and butterflies. after Saturday's bbq, she slept soundly all night long. WHICH was a huge relief for me. the day of traveling home (a four hour drive) she threw up on me twice and peed in the car. we learned a lot from all that. don't feed or give the dog water before travel. give the dog ample time to pee before putting her in a vehicle.

our trip home was great. i ran her out this morning in the backyard for a few hours and gave her a bath with a REAL LIVE water hose.. hehe.. something we don't have at the condo. she slept the whole way back to austin.

so yeah. the dog had a great weekend. me? i had an okay time. it's nice to get outside every once in awhile and do the outdoors...but i'd prefer my freedom.

after i played with qtpi this morning, my parents and i went to brunch at IHOP. we all got a fruity country griddle pancakes combo meal. it was yummy. i have a scrim tonight i think. i'm also going to watch the final episode of sex and the city. i've been pretty disappointed with the series this season.. (actually the past three seasons). it completely turned into a soap opera with more frets than fun. but i'm glad the series came out. i think it's going to pave the way for fresher shows.

man. i wish i hadn't had to go home this weekend. it was mardi-gras weekend in austin. i bet the clubs were packed. se la vi. or however you spell it.

now to enjoy what is left of my weekend.

Arnold is a whore!

What a fucking hypocrite.

I'm never watching Terminator again.

>:P

So much for progress.

i dream a dream of terror

my mind is the home of many terrible things. i had such a terrifying dream last night. i was with a group of people. i'm not sure what we were doing or what or objective was. i do know that some terrible people were after us. i remember feeling incredibly scared and petrified of being caught. my heart was pounding out of my chest and i can recall running and hiding in the house we were in. a few of the people i was with were caught. i was hiding in the attic and could see them from where i was. after they were caught, they were strapped, face up with their heads in some weird harness. then the bad guys released two viscous dog-like creatures who proceeded to eat out their faces. i woke up catching a scream in my throat. i was aware of the dream and that it was a dream but the feeling of it lingered after i woke.

i used to have similar dreams when i was in highschool and college. i would have them everyday. there was always some entity or group of people out to get me.

jeremy and john went out to H.E.B. to get groceries. we have a scrim at 8pm. i just spent the last two hours or so helping one of my team mates learn his mortar positions. boy was that fun. :P

i'm so tired though. i could definitely go for a nap right now. but they'll be back soon and we'll have to eat and get ready for the scrim.

although your life is your own, it is never quite your own.

best wishes to .. i hope there is a way for you to get better soon.

the dream of love

yup.... damn... love.

i keep talking about all this love bullshit and stuff but sometimes i want it back.
especially after talking to . sometimes i want the pain again. sometimes i want the longing and the desire and the hopelesness of it all. most of all, i want back the hope, the dream, the lie, or whatever it really is.

but i've been there, i've done this before. it always leads nowhere. because at the end of the day, after all the butterflies fade, you have to wake up to real life. you have to chose between fantasy and living with the same person everyday for the rest of your life. this person's magic that you feel in the begninning won't be so magical forever. ESPECIALLY not when you have to see this person deficate or hear them fart or burp. especially not when you see them get cross at you or see them puke their guts out. especially when you get to know all of their physical and emotional flaws.. things about life tend to damage the dream. i don't care how in love you think you are, it's not enough to sustain years and years of partnership.

but still.. sometimes.. just like a drug.. you wish you could sample it one more time.
you know it's damaging and futile..but it's great for the few minutes it lasts..

happy vday! = happy venereal disease day! hehe.

i missed the snow last night. i was sleeping and jeremy awoke me to say it was snowing. my mind was wanting me to jump up and watch the snow fall but my body wouldn't let me. i was so paralyzed alst night. i could hardly move.

i heard qtpi had fun in the snow though. it kept hitting her face and she would try to wipe it off. damn. that would have been a cute thing to see.

i had stayed up last thursday night making valentine cupcakes and chex mix for my co-workers. i got home late because i went to see that lecture with about serial killers. i had a lot of fun going out and eating at kirby lane. although the lecture sucked, going out and interfacing with other people and places is refreshing. ren is so young and has his whole life ahead of him. i really envy him. he still has faith in love. i have faith in nothing.

i woke up around 10am this morning and took the dog out for a really long walk. about halfway through the walk, i really regretted going out. it was freezing and my ears were ringing with pain from the cold. anyhow, qtpi got here exercise for today. i then had the great pleasure of giving her a bath. she kept trying to drink the bath water. i sware she would have gulped down the whole tub if i hadn't struggled with her.

now she's passed out like i wish i were.


jeremy is sleeping next to some violets i bought yesterday for him. i also got him a strawberry cheesecake. i got it for un-valentine's day. heh. thought it'd be nice to do something fun for our family since i did the same for my co-workers.

i've been reading a lot of stuff on MSN about what Vday is all about. i disagree with all of them. Vday is no more special a day than any other when it comes to people you care for. it is simply for me, a good opportunity to buy specialized candy and try to make others around you happy.
put a smile on people's faces. not just people who you love but everyone else in your life as well.

wouldn't you smile if this was waiting for you at work?


yeah, jeremy is up now. we're going to eat at my favorite italian restaurant. Vinny's!!! and not because it's vday but because my olser is finally gone and i can enjoy pasta again! happy no more olser day!!!!

on the flip side

it's chocolate week on the food network. mmmm..
i've been craving sweets all week. unfortunately my damn olser has prevented me from opening my mouth up. it has really sucked. just putting a straw or asprin in my mouth was making me cringe. i'm thinking things will be much better tomorrow.

i can't wake for the weekend. i keep thinking how lucky i'd be if i didn't have to work and could stay home. as i commenced my work day, i timed out what i would be doing on the flip side, the non-working world. instead of getting dressed for work, i'd give the dog a bath. instead of spending all morning drawings sections, i'd be surfing the net and working on my website. instead of eating my pbj in the car and taking the dog out for a walk, i'd be eating my pbj infront of the tv and then take the dog out for a run. instead of spending the rest of the daylight hours in the office, i'd try some baking recipes out and wash the clothes. instead of working well into the evening, i'd take care of bills and checks and vacuum the floor.

if there were only 60 hours in a day.

tomorrow evening, i get to go to the serial killer lecture. i've been looking forward to it all week. i keep hoping it'll be like the opening of copycat, where sigourney weaver gives her lecture. right before harry connick jr.'s character tries to strangle her in the water closet. :)

off to bed...

lick your lips for me

it's absolutely amazing how fast your lips dry out when you can't lick them. i have this terrible mouth olser that is strategically placed so that if i lick my lips, i'm in a crap load of pain. i think i bit the inside of my mouth last week while eating and now i have a sore. it hurts like a mother. oh well, too bad i can't get people to lick my lips for me. "excuse me sir or mam, would you mind licking my lips?" hehe.

we have a game tonight (ET). we have a scrim an hour before the game as well. i'm beginning to feel more a part of the team now. i used to feel like the only reason i was on the team was because my brother and partner are the team captains. ..but i think i'm slowly pulling my own weight. it's hard being a girl in a guy click. guy's have gigantic egos and can't stand to be beat by a girl. i don't know who the hell taught them that when they were young. that kind a of crap should stop. "i'm better than girls so when girls are better than me, that's shameful." BS.

i'm going to this lecture on serial killer this Thursday with on campus. i have this morbid fascination with serial killers. there's something about someone who is not insane and yet chooses to do what he/she does. i can't wait to watch Monster with charlize theron in it. it's about a female serial killer.

dogster

i spent the morning adding Qtpi to dogster. she doesn't have any friends yet but she's picky for now.


http://www.dogster.com/dog_page.php?i=4081

click on link to check out her page.

its been a good weekend

it's 9am in the morning. do you know where your dog is? :)

she's sleeping at my feet while i surf da net. i couldn't go back to sleep after i took her out walking this morning. after we went back upstairs, she roamed around the bedroom for awhile and now she's passed out by my chair. i like her best when she's unconscious. :) less to worry about.

Friday night, j and i decided to keep it casual. we invited our friend eric over for dinner and a movie. we went out to chillis. i ordered the Hawaiian steak and chips and quesso. j had the southwest cob salad, and eric had some pasta dish. talk about good eats.

we went back to our place and put in willow which we got in from netflix recently. i haven't seen that movie in ages. once you start watching an 80s flick that you haven't seen in awhile, things don't tend to fly by as much. you're like "hmmm..right. like that's possible"...and so forth. but i have to give a lot of credit to the 80s film industry for popping out so many great fantasy flicks. (they're like almost extinct). let's see.. the eighties brought us willow, red sonya, conan, krull, beast master, legend, and i'm sure i'm forgetting more important ones.

ren called me up after we started watching the movie. he had just been out to dinner with an old high school friend and wanted to know if i was up for going out. i actually was. his friend had heard that there was a party/ dance on 6th street at Rock Stars. it wasn't until i got there that i found out it was a sorority/fraternity shindig. oy. and to top it off, it was an asian sorority and fraternity thing. double oy! despite having to be in a huge crowd of crazy ass asians, we were able to have some fun. music was mainly hip hop. i don't dance so well to that. all of the people around us were doing usual hip hop moves.. ass grinding and booty shaking. i'm not into that style but hey, as long as you leave me some space to move around, i'm happy. there was this one crazy kid ren and i kept laughing at because he was dancing like nobody's fool. i love people who drop their inhibitions and just let it all out. they make really fun dance partners but i can see how it would get annoying after awhile.

we left the club around 2 something i think. we had parked on 6th street so it wasn't that far of a walk. it was cold as heck though. when we got back to my place, i invited ren in for dr. pepper and some leftover muffins from breakfast. despite having had only three hours of sleep the previous night, ren was able to talk with me about stuff till 4 in the mornin'. after he left, i took a shower and crawled into bed. j and qtpi were already fast asleep.

-----------------------
the next day.

j woke me up around 9:30. we had an appointment with the vet for qtpi. she needed shots and a nail clipping. after dropping qtpi back at the house, we went out to go pick up my monthly bcp package from the pharmacy. it was about 10:40am when we go there. unfortunately, they weren't going to open until 11am. j suggested we go eat brunch at kirby lane. i never decline an offer to go eat. we got there just in time to get an open table. j ordered a California omlet with a side of french toast. i got a cup of chicken tortilla soup, a ceasar salad, and a plate of toast. it as all good.

after picking up the bcp(s), we went to best buy where i bought the big tymers cd which i had heard in eli's car last week. i really wanted that song this is how we do. the rest of the album is pretty good as well. i haven't had a chance to listen to it all. after best buy, we stopped at Sam's to pick up a pack of gum. heh. i love sam's. everything is gigantisized. even the shopping carts are jumbo-sized. we ended up getting more than my huge pack of gum but that's a given whenever you go shopping there. you can't come out of that place without a full cart of stuff.

i ended up napping for most of the daylight hours. at 7pm we went to the grocery to kill two birds with one stone. 1) i got a book for my bday by rachel ray, thirty-minute meals. it's a great book for easy quick meals. j's been using it since i've gotten it to feed the family. i picked out a turkey/cranberry sauce meal. we went to the grocery store to pick up the stuff in the recipe. objective = dinner. 2) we hadn't gone grocery shopping all week. a list had built up and we needed to go badly. objective = groceries.

so we got dinner and groceries for the night and thirty minutes after that, dinner was served.
after walking qpti, we went upstairs and watched cabin fever, another netflix movie that came in. it was a retarded movie but oh well. life goes on.

----------------

man, i'm really hungry right now. i have this huge urge to watch ground hogs day or willy wonka and the chocolate factory. both movies will only make my stomach growl louder. willy wonka has some excellent chocolate scenes. mouth watering. ground hogs day has some kick ass breakfast action. the scene where bill murray's character realizes that there is no tomorrow and starts eating all the breakfast items on the menu...mmmmm.. donuts.

which one to watch. i think we'll try willy and if that doesn't do it for me, will seek out the groundhog.

the cute ones

oy. where to begin.

i have so many thoughts that build up during the day but since i'm working all the time, i never get a chance to write them down.

this weekend, i went out with ren and some of his friends. they seemed like fascinating people. i rarely meet people that i find interesting. most people lack charisma points. i guess i should know that ren would have cool friends. he's and i clicked from the beginning. we have a lot in common but he's a total sap when it comes to relationships. i'm the total opposite. i'm indifferent when it comes to romance and stuff. but hey, he's young..and the young peeps do stupid stuff. :) except for me. i didn't do stupid stuff when i was young. heheh. just kidding.

i like trans boys for some reason. i think they're the only type of men i can be physically attracted to. it's weird. i like men for their personalities usually and women for their physical appearance. very few women's personalities intrigue me and those that do usually won't give me the time of day. most men tend to ignore me unless they are trying to be polite or they're as drunk as hell. life always gives you these hurdles..and i'm too chicken to jump over them. that's why i don't have too many friends.

anyhow, we went dancing at boyz cellar. the music was terribly disappointing. no pop music. hehe. and the techno was very hard to dance to. it's kinda cool going there because you turn invisible (being a girl). in a sea of gay men, a girl can disappear easily. it's funny seeing two scantily clad women dancing on blocks asked to step down so two shirtless men can get up and gyrate their groin areas. hehe. i love the irony. there weren't many women there and the ones that were there weren't great eye candy. but it felt good to be dancing again. dancing is like a beautiful release. i need to do it more often. if only we could find a good club.

i tried to get one of my straight friends to go with me but he didn't want to. i think he's afraid that men will try to pick him up. i don't understand that about homophobic hetero men. why do they always think that gay men want them? if you go to any gay club, you can see that the average joe doesn't cut it for this community. i haven't seen one gay man who wasn't ripped from head to toe. okay, maybe i'm exaggerating a little but you get my point.

there was this one couple i met with ren who seemed so very nice. pleasant to the bone. i really wanted a chance to talk with all of them but all conversation was stunted by this one chick. she was a friend of the couple who was celebrating her 21st bday. she was so drunk. the whole night she just blabbed about everything and anything. i have a really hard time conversing in group situations, add a drunk person and you probably won't hear a peep out of me all night. sometimes my lack of talking is mistaken for me being a snob or stuck up. hopefully they didn't get that impression from me.

man, i hope my dad isn't reading this post. there are just some things your parents just shouldn't read about their kids. sexuality is one of them. i would make my journal friends-only but then i think, what's the point? my other ideas i to create a separate journal all together and go under a pseudo identity..then pour out all the bad and juicy stuff in there... away from people who know me in real life. because sometimes i have thoughts that just shouldn't be read by people i see day to day. the dark side of one's mind should never be revealed to people who are close enough to shake your hand. it would disrupt space time continuum. heh. kind alike in back to the future two beings from different rifts of time and space should never be exposed face to face. so my dark and good side shouldn't ever be revealed in the same body. people just wouldn't be able to handle that and then the universe would explode.

damn, i should get some sleep. i'm not making any sense now.

ugh. i have three guys screaming across the condo right now. eric is over and he's playing ET on jeremy's computer and john and jeremy are in john's room. normally we have mic/head sets we use which cuts down on the noise but our ventrilo server is down right now. i should be playing as well but i'm too friggin' tired. work is really getting to me. it's the stress and the hours. i can't wait for the weekend and hopefully i don't have to go in.

oh good. they're done. i don't have to hear people screaming anymore.