problem child

i was able to resolve things last week concerning my "issue".
i feel weird.
this live journal is supposed to be my outlet but i don't feel comfortable posting anymore. not about
things concerning work and life because of my fear that some people will read it.

i know i could post friends only but that seems futile. considering most of the people on my friend's list are AYBYAM.
(added you because you added me) which means i'm WAY more interested in their journals than they are or should be in mine.
and that's fine. that's how i like it.

my journal is meant to be public. it's my way of sharing, venting...throwing a question out into the void.


i can't believe how furious i was those past two weeks. i can't believe how frustrated some people can make me.
i can't believe how frustrated i let people get me. it's too much. it's ridiculous. it's ludicrous when you think of things on the macro level. what the hell do i have to complain about? i know. our daily stupid toils. our daily stupid problems. boo hoo. sometimes i make myself so mad. shape up! get over it. get over your poor miserable life. you're a weak little girl who doesn't know how to appreciate a good thing when she's got it. sometimes i say to myself "someone should take it all away from you. so you'd see how stupid you're being. you should be slapped into some sense of the world around you. you and your problems are so idiotic."

but then again. i'm selfish. and my problems are my problems and i feel them so intensely because i know no other problems. life goes on. i scream. i fuss. i cuss. and the world keeps going.

what's the point?

google snowmen

haha.

has anyone been going to google.com lately?
yesterday they had two snowmen looking perplexed at the google logo
halfway buried in the snow. today, the snow men are digging the google logo out. i bet tomorrow the whole logo will be showing and snow men will be melted. hehe.

apology to those who are exposed to my hatred

anyone who went to high school and college with me knows what a terrible amount of anger and hatred i can unleash. but i sware, after undergrad i stopped getting as angry as i did. i'd get pissed off and annoyed but i never harbored pure hatred at someone. until now..

yeah. so i'm still trying to deal with this problem i have. i don't want to get into it here since this is a public journal. all i know is that i don't get paid enough to be shitted on ond disrespected by someone who hasn't even come close to working as hard as i have. but you know, that's the way the world works. people shit on you and then shit on you some more. don't expect a damn thing... because there is no such thing as karma and come-upins. nope. shit always slides down hill.. and my friends, we are in the valley.

so anyhow, i guess i want to apologize to my poor cats and doggy and j.
they've really been subjected to my cruelty and anger this week. i've taken it out on them every chance i could get. i've been very short tempered and very difficult. i haven't felt myself at all. i've been consumed. i don't like to calm myself when i'm frustrated. i think it's counter productive. i think it's better to release it to the world instead of containing it.

wow though, it's amazing how much hatred a human being can exude. i felt like i was drowning in my own hatred. i couldn't concentrate very well. i kept eating everything i came into contact with. i must have gained ten pounds from all the "eating therapy" i gave myself. hehe. crackers, cheese, cookies, ham, sausage, tacos, cake... i felt like pac man eating my way to the finish line, the finsih line being releif.

i got so mad i was screaming in my car. people must have though i was crazy. maybe i was. now my temper has simmered down. now, i'm just bitter and festering. i'm grumpy and tired.

i'm also sick. i have a cough, sore throat, and a VERY runny nose. i think i'll go through a whole box of tissues today. plus, i'm at work right now. i have to work this weekened in order to take the holiday vacation next week.

this is so not where i want to be. i want to be in a damp cold hole with bugs crawling thorugh my hair and worms eating out my eyeballs.

-merry xmas. >:P

the girl that everyone should hate

i'm so pissed off.

i'm so annoyed.

i so want to pull someone's eyes out of their socket.

the invader has pushed my last button.

TICKED.

...continued

just got back from doing some ET practice. we have a pre-season game this monday. i haven't played in a while so i was a bit rusty but not too bad. i had to learn the new map we're going to be playing.

anyhow. i played some ET for awhile, then took QT(pi) out to do her business. now, i'm probably going to crawl into bed and watch some tv before i pass out...

yup. sounds like a plan for tonight.

xmas shopping

i'm sitting here wolfing down on some marshmallows and drinking dr. pepper. i would have some hot chocolate but it's not that cold in here yet. we did a lot of holiday shopping today. we went all over the place from barnes and nobles to petco, fry's to bed bath and beyond, sam's to REI. most of our list has been taken care of but there's still a bit more. my brother decided to go shopping with us at the last minute so we couldn't buy any of his gifts while we were out. we're supposed to tackle the mall tomorrow and get a few more things.

j's gift is hiding underneath the bed. i took a long lunch yesterday and went to get it. it's hard finding the time to do shopping when you work from store open to store closing hours. plus, i'm a mom now and most of my free time is devoted to poopy duty and training.

i want to watch angels in america tonight...cuz the second part is coming on tomorrow night..

brb...

tis the season

tis the season and yet i am not in the mood. how strange. i'm usually a very holiday-spirit girl. this year, i've been very melancholy. i feel like a robot going through the motions i've been programmed for. i whipped out the christmas music today to try and jump start my xmas go-go. i've started up a list of christmas. hopefully i can get most of the things bought by this weekend because i have to work for weekend days to take time off to go home.

i made christmas cards myself this year. i wish i had a better printer and a nice cutting board but oh well. i didn't have too much time. they came out okay, not quite what i had planned...etc.. i'll post the card in a week after everyone i'm sending it too gets one.

i dropped by Eckerds this afternoon and bought a few christmas decorations that were on sale. I also bought some holiday candy to put out. I pulled out the christmas star lights from last year and hung them on the wall. I also indulged myself and bought a Martha Stewart Holiday magazine issue. There's a great section this month on how to create woodland-character sweets. Snow flake shaped marshmallows, pine cone shaped cakes, log shaped cakes, and sugar twigs. I might try to recreate these confectionery delights this weekend. We'll see.

j and i went to this offices' christmas party this past Friday. it was at this place called the iron cactus. a margarita bar and grill type place with a "casino" where you play for tickets to enter a lottery for prizes. we spent the whole night play at the crap table. it was the first time i had ever played. it's a real social game so it can be pretty fun. we ended up breaking even at the end of the night but didn't win any prizes aside from the door prize everyone got, a fancy company water container.

this weekend, i sent most of my time playing mom to qtpi. i'm trying to train her to go running in the morning. i even got her to run a bit with a harness and leash on. she's currently learning the sit command. the words she hears a lot now are "outside", "potty", "good girl", "paw check", "no!", "sit", and "kennel".. hopefully she'll move onto "stay", "lay down", "fetch", and "pay bills"... hehehe. j/k on the last one. i wish.

okie doke, the christmas cards are done printing and are in their envelopes. i just need to fill them out which is the most time consuming part because i try to write mini-letters in them. so i'm going to do the hard part tomorrow when i'm more awake. need to get some sleep, have a meeting with my boss in the morning.

QTPI

oy. i just finished a busy two weeks. the first week i had to work an 80 hour week to complete some stuff before my thanksgiving vacation. i wasn't officially on vacation until midnight that Sunday.

j and i left for Louisiana that Monday. we were going to spend the first half of the week with his parents and his father's side of the family. the place were were staying at was near this man made lake. j kept trying to trick me into thinking we were staying at some run-down trailer. i about died. he also tried to convince me that there was no hot water.

the lake house we stayed at was a modified double wide trailer with extensions around the house built by his uncle. it was actually really nice and you couldn't tell it wasn't a house.

his uncle brought a whole litter of puppies to the dear camp where he and jeremy's dad stayed. the men usually say in the another house in the woods near where they hunt. the puppies mom was a lab and there were three father's we think. a rottweiller, a cahula cur, and maybe another lab. there was this one puppy that was kind of a loner and a total cutie. his uncle called it cutie pie.

yup. j wouldn't put the dog down and on thanksgiving day after we finished eating, he decided that we would take it home.

i have never been a fan of dogs. they tend to freak me out. i've hardly ever met a good dog. so i'm very weary of this one. she's a very good puppy so far. she doesn't bark or yelp if we are in it's sight. its mother doesn't bark nor does its grandfather. we hope she picks up that trait.

it's been a whole load of new responsibilities. it's like being a mom for the first time. it's a life altering event for owner's who plan on being active. i mean to be strict with her. no biting or licking. no growling or barking. if that makes me a mean doggy owner then so be it. i hate dogs that are out of control and i mean for this one to be sweet and in line.

oh. her name is qtpi.. (cutie pie) that's actually be the mathematical PI sign but i don't' know how to do that in live journal. she's five weeks old going on six weeks tomororw.