last day of going to work at the office. i'm glad.
we went to the lake today and played frisbee. i suck at it. i keep throwing the
darn thing in weird angles. we also went hiking up some walking trails.
it's weird being out in nature. i'm so used to an airconditioned world. :)



john and jerms are playing jedi knight two. tomorrow is dessy's 3rd birthday. happy birthday kitty! we'll have to play with her extra extra.

not much to report. my life is pretty lifeless right now.
baaa-aa-a-a-a-a

i'm so bored at work i tried to write down
all 50 states. i got all but seven.
i missed wymoning, winsconsin, vermont, nevada, missouri, and idaho

i'm am a consumer junky.
i love to consume everything.
i wonder how this sort of conditioning begins.
consumerism=happiness=success
what a messed up mind.

i started calculating my finances.
if jerms and i only spend 2000 dollars a month for the next ten years, without
our current salaries, we could be halfway to the million dollar mark. that's with both
of us working of course. somehow, that just won't happen. i know it. there's always that
MISC catagory of spending..the black hole of consuming that just appear out of nowhere and
sucks up your "savings"... i really don't know where all of that money goes. i guess i do have
some vague idea. i go out to eat here and there, i buy knick knacks that i don't need, i buy
presents, groceries, and other goodies. i'm sure the contribute to the black hole somehow.

today, we are going shopping. :)

hahahahahaha..and the cyle never ends

well, i left work early today. there wasn't much for me to do.
i'm feeling a little out of place in this city. I have no work and I
have nothing to do. I have no purpose!

I got home and my computer won't start up. I'm using jeremy's pc right now.
I got so bored at work that I asked jeremy to start up a rpg campaign for me. He's going to be my DM. So far, I've ended up in a tavern buying some ale for four copper pieces. :)

Guess I'll go roam the internet now.

well, i'm sitting at my desk at the office.
there's no work for me. i wish i had a webcam so i could webcast the shear boredom
i'm experiencing. you know misery loves company. i'm also hungry and i hate being hungry.
i have some cherios in the drawer and some oj next to my monitor. there are about 10 other people at the
office right now. No one is doing work. Things are so slow here. My hope is to one day start up a
design firm of my own...i wouldn't even care if it was strictly graphic or high impact. If I had
enough money, I'd start up a non-profit firm for supporting local art. progression suggests that
one day we'll all be afforded the rights to be artists. what a bias thought. i should shut up. i'm not
making sense anymore.

it's been awhile. my life has been in total limbo for the past few weeks.
i'm in ft. worth working right now. i'll be here for one more week before returning back to Austin to go to summer school.

i feel almost lifeless. working or i should say the working schedule really put me out of it. i feel like i don't want to do anything. my office life is depressing. i'm watching these people with predictable lives and they're all happy. We're all conditioned to live this life we think is "right" or "happy". We're striving to optimize our lives. The problem is that most of us who live in society are conditioned to believe in one kind of happiness. I call it the ONE-mode system. STABILITY- what we all do to get at this. It's crazy. What stability leads to is predictability. Predictability can be good but how much can you stand it? My mother has lived the same day for the past 15 years. I don't know if I'm capable of doing that without going insane. I hate thinking about one day having to go to the same job for the next 15 to 20 years BUT at the same time, I'm thinking "i should be so lucky to know i'll be secure for the next 10 to 15 years."

sigh.

i'll play on my puter.
i'll do some daily exercises.
i'll take a shower.
i'll dry my hair.
i'll floss.

i'll be in bed around midnight.

double sigh.

Today has been pretty dull. I watched Stepmom again. I've been trying to avoid the temptations of my kitchen. Jeremy's mom came by and dropped off some apple bananna cake. My mom made some raisin bread and there's a huge stash of chocolate bars in the pantry! Ugh. Anyhow, I took some pictures of my beautiful kitties. Thought I'd share them.

tigger chair 1	tigger chair 2	tigger chair 3	tigger chair 4
dessy sunshine	jerm's mom's cake	mom's bread	candy bars

I just got back from the dentist. I don't know why you say "I'm going to see the Dentist." The reality is that you're really going to go see the hygenist. My hygenist was just like all the other ones I've had before. It's undoubtably a horrible torture session that lasts about an hour. She was really concerned with my gums and my lack of flossing daily. She says she wants to put me on gingivitis therapy. She really scared me. I always floss daily for about 3 months after my dentist visit..then I just start to slack off. Now that I have this fear of gum therapy put in me, I'm going to try and floss forever. She also couldn't believe I had all 36 of my teeth in me. She said I can keep my wisdom teeth as long as I take care of them...hehe like they were pets. :) Maybe I should name them. Anyhow, it's over..ugh.. 6 more months till the next visit with Dr. Pain.

DREAMS AND TELEPATHY
i had my usual disturbing dream last night. I always dream about something bad or someone trying to hurt me. I think it's part of my paranoia. Anyhow, last night I dreamt that I learned how to move things with my mind. It was the craziest thing ever. I was in the middle of turning in my last project for studio and my teacher was distracted. Then these two skinny women came in and gave me some documentation for architectural plans. It was really weird. For some reason I got really frustrated and shifted something with my mind. The next thing I knew, some guys were after me.. prolly to perform experiment so they could optimize mind control to conquer the world. :P
I remember running to my mom for help but all she did was say how my Aunt, in Thailand, saw my homepage and she disapproved of me having a webcam. There I was with the most awesome power in the world and I was alone and scared. I didn't want to wake up this morning. I wanted to try out my power some more. hehehe..

BUILD-A-BEAR
I got a lot of goods yesterday... I can finally dress business casual.
I need my mom to hem up some pants. When we went to the Galleria, my brother built a bear for Charmaine. She's going to the Philippines for the whole summer so this is his good bye gift to her. It seemed a little expensive for what it actually entailed but it was the thought that counted..and it made her happy, that's all that matters. Basically, you go and pick out a skin for your bear, tiger, panda, rabbit, etc. She picked a furry panda. Next, you get it stuffed with this big stuffing machine. A guy by the machine makes you pick out a stuffed heart and you have to rub it against yours and kiss it. Then he puts the heart in the bear and sews it up. Next, you fill out a birth certificate and bath your bear with air pressure to get the lint off. Then you pick out clothes for your animal. John and Charmaine picked out this chinese outfit which I thought fit well with the panda. They dressed it and then took it to the pay counter. The guy behind the counter gives you the printed out birth certificate you made and puts your panda in a little cardboard box that looks like a house. The total was around 40 dollars. I opted not to make one. :) (das okay, i bought jerms a shirt instead)

MOVIE ENDS, NO ONE AROUND
So I ended up finishing Mulholland Drive. I liked it a lot but it's def. one of those movies you should watch with someone so you can discuss it afterwards. There were so many things that I didn't catch or get. I'm still a little confused. I have different theories for everything that happened. It was soooooo Twin Peaks. Lynch even used the same small person with the raspy voice. Ah well...

Speak with Jesus
stolen from
go read the conversation with jesus..it's funny

I woke up early to call Rita (jerm's sisiter) to tell her that we're not leaving till 11am. Whenever John and I sponsor an event it usually borders on not happening. I think it's kinda like rebelling from when my parents used to take us places. Everything was so regimented that it sometimes killed the life of the whole thing. I think my brother takes it to the other extreme though. Whenever you don't plan enough, you can kill the day from lack of some structure.

It's always good when jerms and I try to do something. Jeremy is very responsibile and tries to keep us on schedule with time and I do my best to be late and drag my feet. :) He makes sure all the roses are scheduled on our tour. I make sure we enjoy them all. ahahahaha.. okay.. it's not that harmonic...but you get the picture.

Anyhow, I can't get back to sleep now. I decided to just wake up. I need to catch up on my LJ reading then I might go watch a movie.

I'm staring at a distorted reflection of myself in this huge round mirror in my room. I'm thinking that I don't recognize the person I see. I move my lips and hear my own voice. This is the image that everyone else sees but that girl isn't me. I laid down on the bed staring at the ceiling fan as the lights focused and blurred in my vision. I didn't know what to think except that I wished I was falling. I wanted to reach out and find myself crossing into a different reality. It all reminded me of something out of a David Lynch movie. ... speaking of which, I started watching Mulholland Drive. I'm 1/3 of the way into the movie... I keep getting interupted. It has the same flavor as the Twin Peaks series and it's pretty good so far. I need to finish watching it.

Tomorrow, I'm going to Houston to go shopping at an outlet mall. I need to get some more business casual clothes to wear to work.

wohoo! i'm done with my paper!!! now i actually have time to pack up my stuff and get ready to leave for College Station. I'm going to Jeremy's sister's graduation tomorrow morning. I still have one more academic thing to take care of. my group is working on our final project tonight. once that is done, i can pack up my studio crap and head home, pack up my goods and leave! yeah!!! it's almost done!!
it's almost done!!!

well, i just got back from reviews and i must say that walking to the car, i was really steaming. my review went well, don't get me wrong. i think they really liked my work. They said it was smart and compelling. However, they truly failed to offer me anything I could relate to or take from. They made comments about my plans and sections after seeing my 3-d models and realistic renderings of the spaces. They said the plans were kind of dumb and had absolutely no connection to the 3-d model I had presented.
I agree that the plans are 1/1000th of the compelling nature of my renderings...but that just goes to prove my convictions all the more. YOU don't need plans and sections. The idea of a the virtual world is truly on the tip of the architectural world. They just can't see past their educational grounding.

For example, they made a comment about a slightly angled walkway between two of my buildings. Yes, in plan that angle is noticeable but in REALITY, you would not be able to notice the angle and the idea about an axial approach would still be intact. I HAVE always felt that plans and elevations are useless in presenting your ideas. this is an old-school sort of mentality that, for some people, is more truer than god.. or something.

okay, so anyhow, i was a little unnerved by their lack of ability to help me progress. they made some comments i thought were true but invalid..since they lead to no new ideas or thoughts.

WHAT made me really mad was when the last studio classmate presented. His concept revolved around creating this strange and unique structure that bordered closely on a sci-fi level. His thing was, however, that he was actually able to find ways to use the program and circulation in order to create these dynamic surfaces and skins.
For some reason, the reviewers could NOT fathom that something so extraordinary could come from something so simple...but I know this guy. This is what he does. He takes the most simplest of notions and creates beautiful and strange things from them. There is no extraterrestrial purpose, there is no subconscious idea about "alien motherships" that are worth mentioning. After all, if it is not in our conscious vocabularies it is probably, by far, too complex for words. I know this may not make sense.. and it may seem like a bunch of rambling but this is something I feel so strongly about. There is this notion about creating unique architecture that seems to be about something grander than the human self...something weird..part of a perverted neurosis. What I'm saying is that sometimes IT IS just THAT SIMPLE.. that people simply do not need to bullshit their projects..it simply is from what they simply are.

blah. i'm not making sense anymore...and this is prolly of non-interest..so I'm stopping.

I still have a paper to write. I'm tired...because I haven't slept..but I'm not tired enough to sleep. I hate this state.

ugh. i'm sick tired.
weirdo. i couldn't sleep last night. so i only got like one hour of sleep. :P
today is going to rough!
i decided to wear a dress to school today since i didn't have any other nice clothes.
i truly regret it already. i hate dresses. they're like the epitomy of
everything i hate about being a woman. social/physical consraints and self-consiousness and loathing.

today is pretty hot and humid. there are only two of us in studio right now. we're all supposed to meet here at 8am to pin up for review.
i need something to eat so i don't throw up...also i should prolly get some caffine into me so i don't pass out.

anyhow, i'm off... to go get a drink from the water fountain.

final review for studio is tomorrow. i have nothing to wear.
none of my professional clothes fit me anymore... plus, I have no style
so all of my clothes are bunk! i guess i'll just have to dress dorky. as always. :(
i can't decide on what to do right now.
i'm totally wired. i have to get up at 7am so i should prolly go to sleep. however, i also have a paper i'm supposed to be writing. which to do?
i might try and write the paper tomorrow during the review. it's going to be an all day ordeal. i really wish i had a laptop.

can you believe i just spent an hour trying on clothes?
dork attack!

uck. it's super hot in our condo.
first it was super cold and not its super hot.
insulation is baaaaaaaaaaaaad.

i went to bed around 6am last night and woke up at 7:30am. I got to my review on time
and it went very well. One of the reviewers didn't shot up and he was supposed to be the "mean one". :) I'm glad to be going on to advanced studio. I feel like I'm ready.
I've worked really hard this semester at improving myself as a designer. I guess it's paid off. I have to get all of my work archived soon so I can make a portfolio for "job hunting".. oh well.. no time to worry about that right now.

I'm currently taking a break from my theory paper. I'm so hot. I think I might call it a night and just wake up and work on it. I slept all day today after I got back from the review. The kitties were happy cuz I slept in the living room with them. I really hate our futon. I wish we had a real couch. There's just something about sleeping on metal bars that really sucks. ;)

Jeremy told me he went out and bought chewable vitamin C tablets after he got some for me this weekened. hehehe.. so the drug ring begins.

it's late. almost 3:30am.
i'm getting all of my portfolio review stuff ready for tomorrow morning. i get
reviewed at 8:30am. last semester the review went really bad and i spent a whole
month in depression. i hope it goes well this time around. i'm in the middle of rendering a drawing with india ink. how fun. i'm not even tired. i'm just thirsty as all hell. i got
a drink at the water fountain but that didn't cut it. I'm going to have to go home and
drink some orange juice or something. I've really been on a vitamin C high. Jerms bought me a bottle of yummy chewable vitamin C. Now, I look forward to eating them every day. I'm much better also. I wonder if there's a connection. 800+% of my daily vitamin needs. :)

okay, i think my first layer of india ink has dried. on to the next.
night.

woke up early to go to Central Market today. My site design group had to map out the drainage patterns of the lot. :0 how fun.
I got there first so I decided to take a peak at what the place had to offer. They have tons of fresh produce and lots of "healthy stuff." They also carried a good deal of wines and bakery goods. I found the mints that I love to eat from Frijoles. They're called Keylime Mint Candy. Yummy. Now I know it has a name. :)

I'm going to do some reading now. I know, it's such an uninteresting life.

achoo.
I'm still sick. I'm going to try and go to bed early tonight.
I've been reading this book called Feminism and Architecture
for the paper I'm going to write. It's rather interesting while I don't agree with the entire notion. I am, after all, living with masculine notions of professionalism in my head. :)
I have penis envy. :)

There is this pretty interesting thing about notions of disconnection between the mind and the body. In Western culture, the tendency is towards the disassociation between the mind or eye and the bodily. The bodily is often characterized as "feminine".
That which is experienced with the body and not just through visual notions is what could be categorized as Feminist Architecture. For example, Maya Lin's Vietnam Memorial which is about motion, emotion, and bodily reflection. It's not a solid case, I know, but it's a start.

Well, I better get back to reading more.

well my sickness has hit its peak. i'm totally done for.
my head aches, my nose is runny, and my throat feels like sandpaper.
i still have to get through this next week. I don't know how yet.
Tonight I have to work on finsih up my portfolio for drawing class. I also need to start doing research for my final theory paper. I think I'm going to write about Architecture and Feminism. Weird.. I know. I'll see how that goes.
I just ate some soup and crackers. I also took some medicine earlier. I'm still in pain.
I just want to be normal. :)